Families & Friends Of Addicts Support Group

Addiction affects more than just the individual. This community is dedicated to the families and friends of individuals suffering from any form of addiction. Mental health professionals are increasingly considering alcoholism and addiction as diseases that flourish in and are enabled by family systems. Family members react to the addicted person with particular behavioral...

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what to do now

hosea77
hosea77
This morning was the 2nd morning waking up at my moms with the 3 kids. They had school today so I drove them. Mom was snoring away and shes on oxygen 24/7. Her breaker goes off and too much electric is running but it happened again this morning with barely anything on. My mother is quite annoying and this morning I packed most of my stuff back in the van and came home with my 2 yr. Old. H is at work. And my mom was probably expecting me back but I just came home. She is not supportive at all and would rather gossip about it all. She orders us pizza last night and then she gets stressed out about where to put it immediately and tells us to shove it up our ass! To a 9 and 7 yr. Old is not displaying appropriate behavior lol. I should've had the table or stove cleared of everything to be ready I guess but I have stuff on my mind too. She smokes on her oxygen and plays games on her laptop all day. H keeps texting and calling asking about kids and says he will stay sober for his days off coming up..ha ok while the kids r at school half the day anyway and I don't know if I even want to stay anymore and the kids do want to come home after school. Are we just supposed to pretend everythings fine after he was such an asshole a few nights ago after he practically called me a who're and said he cant live with sex only once a month! Well excuse me hes always drunk and passed out. I say that hes never awake and he says I'm never awake..wtf he passes out..I put kids to bed and he wakes up at 3:30 or 4 a.m. to go to work. He gets up and sleep eats after I go to bed at midnight. It never fails he gets up as soon as I go to bed after being passed out 5 hrs! I just want to take a nap RIGHT now! Didn't sleep well at moms last night and been sleeping in same bed with my 2 yr. Old who has a cold and snoring is not fun..maybe we can just take a nap since i had to wake her up early today. But H Will be home by 2 and I still havestuff at moms too
steph01
steph01
So sorry for the hurt your are feeling. I know its hard, keep your head up. I'm here if you need me ((hugs))
deleted_user
deleted_user
sorry but I have a bunch of questions....
how are finances? do you work? the home you live in with your husband, is that a home you guys are buying or is it an apartment or rental? you took 3 kids? I thought you had 6?
is there any way you could get a small apartment?

I have been looking at apartments and for me and my 2 boys I am conscidering that I could even have a 1 bedroom apartment if necessary... whatever I need to make life simple and affordable and less stressful then it was... for me, anything is an improvment from living in the craziness of living with my ex.

I was able to get on welfare even when I was still married to my ex, I simply went in and applied, saying that I was seperated form my husband and he was not contributing to our bills, I was eligible for low income housing and food stamps and some cash every month.

you can also contact the women's and childrens centers and see about placement, sometimes they have programs that are free where they will get you a furnished apartment.... I know all fo that sounds liek you are deciding to divorce him or leav ehim for good, but it doesn't have to mean that.

It sounds liek your mother's house isn't a really great safe place for you guys either. You and your children should be able to wake, and feel safe and comfortable and stresss free... everyone deserves that.
deleted_user
deleted_user
I know a woman who had her husband leave, he has a small apartment on his own and hse lives in their family house with their children and works and lives liek a single mother and she has for over a year, her husband is an addict and is occasionally sober. she just hasn't decided yet what she wants to do. I know that she has trouble with the situation but that she is happier this way then when she had to live under the same roof as her husband. perhaps he could move to a small studio apartment on his own perhaps you could talk to him about it and see if he would do that... maybe a month by month kind of arrangment
hosea77
hosea77
Nw I have 3 children 9, 7 & 2. I don't work right now and we are living in a house my father-in-law now owns...so no rent. Just utilities and a few other bills. The kids have Medicaid so already have a caseworker. I had been thinking of calling her and asking some advice about what help I could receive if We separated. I've called the women's shelter and asked about housing and there is some available if you have income...and then other low income housing but it seems so overwhelming to me! They did inform me that I could get child support without a divorce which I did not know. I don't know what to do anymore! I've been staying back at home for a few days and H is right back to getting drunk. My 2 yr old was sick last night and I stayed up LATE watching her sleep and listening for any whimper and of course he was passed out and also drunk again today by 2:00..LASt night while he was drunk he was talking about how I could get child support and housing and that he doesn't think he has anywhere else to go. He brought up all this not I. He was drinking while carving pumpkins with the kids last night but he waited until 7 pm to drink so he thought that was ok..Hes acting so weird anymore. Today he said he lost and last night he was saying he will never be qualified again to please me and then he passes out on couch. What the heck. It just feels so weird anymore....
deleted_user
deleted_user
he sounds like he's giving up... he knows he's losing you and he's not fighting it. that's sad, but it might just be your answer. you have options now you know... take your time making them because I know you want ot be sure. when I did it I was confused... I knew it was right, but I didn't ee the point because he would come over every day to eat our food and see the kids and watch our TV, then leav eint he evening, I'd be left to take care of the kids, clean, cook, etc while he'd go to moms house, go out, drink, do whatever the hell he was doing all night with whoever it ws he was with... I mean... he got all of the benefits without any of the hardships of being ina family.I didn't understand the point of it...

but I was sleeping better without havingt o watchi his crap and worry about him and he finally sank so low he stopped doing that and just stayed gone and I knew he made his choice too, then it was much easier... sad... but easier.

you are doing okay. love on your kids... focus on them and let him do whatever he is doing on his own. my greatest regret is all of teh time i should have been spending with my kids that I spent obsessing over my asshole ex, the times I snapped at them because I was stressed and scared about HIM.