Families & Friends Of Addicts Support Group

Addiction affects more than just the individual. This community is dedicated to the families and friends of individuals suffering from any form of addiction. Mental health professionals are increasingly considering alcoholism and addiction as diseases that flourish in and are enabled by family systems. Family members react to the addicted person with particular behavioral...

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tonyaabernathy 03/11/2012

I'm so angry right now! My whole life has revolved around this damn crazy alcoholic man! That I've tried so hard to no avail to protect my children from! It is all futile, I know it is.He spent the day with my daughter took her fishing and then after the long day of that he takes her to dinner with some of his friends. Well I know that everyone here knows what I'm thinking,of course! He never does anything without drinking and especially go to dinner or anything like fishing! So I'm a nervous wreck when he does get back with her. Because he was only suppose to take her fishing. So that makes for a lot of drinking time for him. So when they come in I ask did you drink at dinner he doesn't answer, she answers for him,he just shook his head.Now she just turned 12 last week,and having to defend her Dad for not drinking!. Or so she say's which would be completely out of character for him. So he turns around and lives without a word to her. So she wants to know were her Dad went,I have no idea. She gets so upset with me because of my asking him if he'd been drinking and she thinks I made him leave. I swear I don't know what I'm going to do but somehow I have got to get this crazy man away from us. He keeps her upset, and she has know idea as to why it is the way it is.Can I go ahead and get her into Alanon at 12? Because she needs it. I'm so tired of him hurting my children because he is a damn alcoholic!This is yet again another example of the life we live!!! I am so so angry,tonight! I wish I could just keep this mindset as far as he is concerned, we would all be better off for it.

katrinka 03/12/2012

Remember repeat the environment they were raised in. So she could either have a drug or drinking problem or become an enabler like you. Its already started with him taking her fishing and then out to eat with obviously she is in the middle as to whither he was drinking or not.
I went to counseling for a short time years ago and when the therapist told me this, I left my ah. It wasn't worth staying with him, knowing because I had stayed with their dad and all the drinking and abuse I was setting them up to repeat either his or my pattern. I wanted better for them.

deleted_user 03/12/2012

My father was an addict . He never hid his the drug abuse and it tore my family apart. I was so deturmined to not marry a guy like my dad and I thought I had untill last year when I found my husband had been using drugs and drinking. He hid his addiction for 11 years . What I thought was stress pulling apart was drugs. After tons of therapy It seems I found something comfortable in my husband that drew me to him,most likely the addict behavior i did not recognize. My kids had to go through me filing divorce and my husband moving out. He ended up going to rehab and getting clean so far anyway. He is back home and is more like the man I met 14 years ago. I hope this wont be the case for your daughter but be aware it is a risk. we are in family counceling and my husband has talked to the kids about how what he did was wrong. Good luck! I feel for you It is hard for me to let my husband have my kids alone still. I can't imagine a fishing trip!

tonyaabernathy 03/12/2012

Thanks ladies, it comforts me to know that their are others who can understand the way I feel. I'm with you Katrinka, I've got to get us out of this craziness.Shutterfly what you said about being nervous when your Husband has the kids, this is so me,and I'm so tired of the what if?!

bambusue 03/12/2012

You could always start grabbing a little of that serenity from AlAnon for yourself; it would be a terrific example for her. I know your situation is tough, and there are a lot of tough recovering folks in AlAnon. They would probably welcome your daughter in AlaTeen--there are adult sponsors at the meeting, but it's mainly kids helping themselves unlearn codependent behavior and learn about letting go of the alcoholic's behavior.

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