Families & Friends Of Addicts Support Group
Addiction affects more than just the individual. This community is dedicated to the families and friends of individuals suffering from any form of addiction. Mental health professionals are increasingly considering alcoholism and addiction as diseases that flourish in and are enabled by family systems. Family members react to the addicted person with particular behavioral...
I just kicked my addict out of our home the other day. We have been together for 10 years and have two kids together--a five-year-old and a one-year-old. He is addicted to crack, sometimes spending as much as $600 a night on it. He has told me in the past that he is having chest pains and that he gets suicidal, so I'm constantly stressed out when I don't hear from him. Yesterday, he came here to see the kids for a couple of hours and begged me to stay the night. I refused. We've told our five-year-old that daddy is sick and can't stay here until the doctor says it is ok. I'm wondering what I do next? That sounds so silly. I know I need to take care of myself and my kids, which I'm doing. I'm starting to exercise, and take more time for me. I'm spending even more time with my kids. I'm telling my addict that he needs to get in a program before we discuss anything about the future together. I've just started posting things on this site, and already it has been extremely helpful. But do I need counseling? Should I also go to meetings? How involved in his recovery should I be? How long should I stayed involved in his addiction before I give up on his recovery? I'm so full of questions. Any suggestions would be appreciated. Somehow I felt like this would be over when he left. But it actually feels like its just beginning.
Care about yourself;
get counseling
Go to meetings... you'll get lots of information and support to help you make the right decisions for you.
Remember - it is "his recovery"... just as he is addicted to crack, you are addicted to him. Going to meetings, getting counseling, all of that will help you take care of you and get you into recovery from him.
Hugs!!!
Alanon helped in the beginning and was helpful to know I was not alone.
Do both if you can.
When we first kick them out you get the endorphins working and we are on a high of sorts but shortly later life settles back in and you have to remain strong knowing you did the right thing.
For me after AH went to numerous rehabs I knew he wasn't going to get and stay clean. I knew I loved him but couldn't nor would I live with him again. No more worrying about money being taken, hiding checkbook and purse. No more worry when I left house what would be pawned.
Life has a peace now and I have moved on.
I wanted to also say I no longer wait for the ball to drop when he got out of rehab. That in itself was hard, always wondering when he would go back to crack.
I can feel your excitement and the freedom you feel by unburdening your boyfriends drug problems. Cherish this feeling savor it and always remember how you felt after you let go of a situation you were powerless over. You have decided to change the direction your life was going and journey in a new and healthier direction.
By spending time with your children, exercising, and taking time out to enjoy your life the way the Creator intended is wonderful; everything you mentioned in your post will aide in your emotional, mental, physical and spiritual recovery. Counseling, joining and physically attending a support group such as Al-Anon and journaling will help you to understand yourself and why you made certain decisions in your life about the man you chose to fall in love with and why you stayed in that dysfunctional relationship for 10 long years.
In terms of your boyfriends recovery, that is his problem. His recovery and his drug problems are just that - his. Let them stay with him he is not your responsibility.
Today, your focus needs to be on your health, happiness and peace of mind. You have decided to take back control over your life to stay on this course you must continue to keep the focus on you and your needs. Right now, it is OK to be selfish and put your needs and recovery first. Relearning to take care of yourself and allowing the addict to take care of himself will give you the freedom to enjoy your life and know that life can be peaceful and serene.
Kim, all you need to do is to stay in today and live your life one day at a time.
*** Remember, all things are possible, when you take care of you
first.
~~Delta
Living my life one day at a time
Things will get better, this I can promise you nothing lasts forever, not even pain. Kim, all you need to do is make it through this day focus on today because this day is all you have to work with. If 24 hours is too much to handle right now, then just live your life 1 hour at a time and if 1 hour is too long then live your life 1 minute at a time.
May the God of your understanding bless you and give you strength, courage and endurance to walk down the road to recovery.
~~Delta
"Living my life one day at a time"
If you can afford to see a therapist see one as soon as possible. You have a mountain of feelings and emotions you need to work through. If you are experiencing financial difficulties as you indicated in your post, join a free support group. Al-Anon is an excellent support group, it saved my life and has helped many people on this forum to regain control of their lives and emotions and retaught us to live our own lives in peace, happiness and serenity.
Right now, it is very important for you to surround yourself with trustworthy, positive, loving and supportive people. They will help you get though your stuck points as you continue to recover form the aftermath of your boyfriend's addiction.
Kim, it takes time and a great deal of work on your part to recover your mind, body and soul from the affects of your boyfriend's addiction. Sadness, pain and fear will eventually make way for happiness, joy and faith but it takes time.
Your anxiety and depression can be controlled through medication and can help you to regain some since of yourself and level off the high and lows you are currently experiencing.
You made the decision to put your boyfriend out, and so did I. The emotional and psychological bonds between a man and a women can be very difficult to break, especially when you have been with this person for 10 years.
Try to put your children to bed early at night and take a bubble bath by candle light. Some days will be better than others but you will get though this, I promise you.
Isolation, loneliness and fear are your worst enemies right now ~ do not listen to them. That is why we encourage members to attend Al-Anon. People support is vital at this point in time to your recovery and healing.
Please know that each day is a new dawn and a provides you with the chance to begin your day anew.
~Delta