Your compassion for your son is misplaced, for it simply enables him to continue his path. In truth he is sinking, and you keep throwing him life preservers so he can simply float. Make him sink or swim. He needs to sink, to hit rock bottom, I hear this from recovered addicts all the time. The kindest thing you can do for him, if you love him, get him to the bottom as quickly as possible. Don't let him come home. Tell him today.

If he's in jail for 7 to 10 days, he's not using. He is already going through detox. It's a golden opportunity to get him into treatment before he relapses.

I'd give him the option of getting into in patient treatment or a Suboxone or methadone or Vivitrol program the day he gets out. Offer to make an appointment for him. Then he will have the choice between treatment and going back on the streets and using. Coming home would not be an option.

I feel for you as my husband is an opiate addict. He is currently 7 weeks clean and is on Suboxone.

I know it is hard but you aren't helping him. You must take him to a treatment program or he needs to find another place to live.

You can not live like this anymore. This shouldn't be your life and you shouldn't have to suffer the consequences of his bad choices.

Don't let him come home.

IF your having him back, make the boundaries...as you say...no coming in and out....no friends over...no drug paraphernalia in the house. Normal sleep and wake hours.

I'm sorry you are going thru this...my son did a lot longer...6 months..came to my house with those rules...did well...but when he moved in with his girl....started to use again.

Vicious cycle and it only stops when they are ready.
You can only chose how much involvement you will have in his life.

I can imagine it must be so hard to watch your son walk through this and you want to be there for him. You need to make some very tough decisions very quickly, but it will be the best in the end if you can hold strong. There is a place called The Treatment Center, in Palm Beach and their number is 877-616-6747. You could look into it before he is released and tell him it (or another treatment facility) is his only option. Tough love is so hard, but it sounds like it is exactly what your son needs right now. In the end hopefully he will look back and see how much you love him and that you have his best interest at heart. Hugs to you!

RJays7

Treatment options for him are limited. He has no insurance and doesn't qualify for Medicaid. He has asked to go to a local place that offers counseling, medication (suboxone) and bible study. Of course there is a minimal cost for that and I would have to pay for that out of my pocket. He is in no way able to live on his own right now. He simply cannot afford it, even without the cost of his addiction.

I understand I must set some very strict boundaries and rules. My question is what is realistic to expect from him in this situation? There is always the issue of not enough money.

I understand how you feel and have struggled with the same thing. I finally had to come to terms that I could not allow him back in our home. There was absolutely no peace when he was there and we tried it 4 times with boundaries, and he continued to not follow any of them. Enough was enough. At least my house is peaceful now without him there even though he causes constant stress in our life by dealing with him and his addiction and issues.

I highly recommend you don't let him move back in, he needs to hit the bottom ( my son still hasn't and it floors me as to what bottom could possibly be at this point) but you need to take care of you and the little bit of sanity you get from him not being in your home is priceless.

Should I bear the cost of counseling....again?

I have a friend whos grown daughter was on heroin. She couldn't keep a job or a place to live. She took advantage of her own grandmother who allowed her to live with her and who also contributed to the purchase of a car for this girl and she just continued to get into trouble - more and more severe. Finally her mother took her back into the home but she soon realized nothing was going to change. One day my friend came home from work to find her daughter nodding out in such a groggy state that it was obvious she was using again. She told her daughter to get up and pack her things and that she'd finally had it and wouldn't put up with it any longer. She was taking her daughter to a homeless shelter in the cities.......................................................This girl decided to quit right then! She got herself into treatment even though she didn't have a job or any money and she was a grown adult. She got pregnant a few months later but was kept on Methadone until after the baby was born. Now she lives with a good man and has had a baby with him. She's gotten nursing assistant certification and is working (although at first no one would give her a job because of her record of breaking the law). Somehow, through prayer and lots of effort she got the training, got the job, now has two kids and she and her family are doing very well. So, good things can happen when we let go but it's a very hard thing to do.

I agree with the others on setting boundaries, maybe telling him it is treatement or he cannot live there...and NO, if he is indigent...that you are throwing him out and he has no job, he may actually qualify for MORE help....my son lost everything, and got into a wonderful program...he had to live in a homeless shelter...they got him on medicaid..he is 6 years sober.
I just really wanted to address the PEACE that I felt when my son was in jail. I knew where he was, he was safe and sober, being fed, following rules. Unfortunately it never got him to a place where he was able to stay sober long...until somehow HE decided to do it.
No, be done paying bail, lawyers, counselors or anything else...AND if he doesn't want to follow your rules, he cannot live in your house.
We work too damn hard to not have peace in our homes. We worry enough about them anyway, so there has to be someplace we can rest, cry, pray or just relax and live in peace.
You want to try one more time? lay out the rules and follow through. OR rent him a rooming house room for the month and tell him he is on his own. (don't do grocery store gift cards either, they just sell them)
it sucks. I do hear you..oh, and you should probably change the locks...things go missing when they get desperate.
SIGH. I wish you well