I truly believe you are doing the right thing and I know how difficult it is. I am pretty much in the same boat with my son. He is in treatment, but honestly, in my gut, I don't think he will be able to stay clean. I am already waiting for the call from his crying girlfriend and he has only been out of jail for a little over a week. A recovering addict friend (clean 8 years) told me to act very strong around him, even if I am dying inside, that it will help him. Hide the waffles :)

Thanks GrannyJo, you made me smile.

my son did not get help until he had to crawl into a charity hospital and beg for someone to do something. He had to decide.
I paid his rent because I had a security deposit on his apartment...finally, I let it all go. the nicest thing I did was put his stuff in storage for him - this one time- and saved his beloved record collection. when he called and said he was in rehab for 28 days, I was glad I knew where he was.
then he called upset because they wanted him to go on to a 3 month program....I left it all up to him....and about 2 months later, found out he went. I questioned why, how, what did I do wrong....
now I know- from him- that I did nothing wrong, except when I made it too easy for him. He wanted my support- emotionally- and was glad for commisary money in jails or rehab, but that was it. Now he does everything on his own, and he does do it...I had to let go. Doesn't mean I don't pray for him everyday. I have written in the past, that I even had to make peace with the idea that I would get the phone call that he was dead. But at least he would be at peace and in a better place...
it is so hard. we are moms and want our kids well...but it is not something we have any vote in. I am so glad you are taking steps to take care of yourself. When we are with somebody who is sick, we get sick too...I hope that your daughter and Granny's son both get well soon.

my heart breaks for those of you with addicted children, watching your children hurt is horrible (my addict is my husband and i could let him go easily at this point) but my kids?......please know that you and your sons and daughters are in my every prayer, every day.

We kicked out our 22-yr-old son early last year. We went through the same self0doubt, guilt, anguish. Now he says it's the best thing we ever did for him. He is, by inches, pulling his life together. I dont' believe he's completely sober, and had a big crash last sept where he almost lost his life, but even then we visited him in the hospital daily but did not offer anything else.
But on the other hand, he's got his license back, hasn't had any arrests lately, and held a job for 18 months. Inches. Clueless? Not hardly. They know how to manipulate their environment, and they can turn those same skills into their own good living if they choose. oNe of my teachers said he would hire a former drug dealer over several other types for an honest job because they had developed so many skills doing the dealing.
Hang in there; it's hard and it takes time. So does recovery thru AlAnon, but it was nice to know I wasn't alone, and it was great to see how others were getting thru their own tough stuff.

Bambusue - That is so true. I got a call from my son's girlfriend last night. The state is supposed to provide a cab or bus for him to go to out-patient treatment. They provided it once and then quit. He calls them and no one will answer. I told her he never had trouble finding a way down town everyday to buy drugs, very resourceful in that respect. Let's see if he will chase recovery with such vigor!

Ah, you got it, GJo, about how clueless they aren't!
I do wish the best for your son, tho, and hope he wants it bad enough to 'get ' it for himself.

I am in the same boat. My daughter is in jail for stealing gas from a gas station and going into her Grandmothers house and stealing money and cameras. My daughter had only been out of rehab for 3 weeks. Her drug of choice was shooting up dilaudid and heroin when her prescription ran out. The day they arrested her, should have been the worst day of her life. She was at my house meeting with CPS and being informed that her two children were being taken away and I was getting guardianship of them. Then, the police showed up to arrest her for stealing. I have not visited her in jail and only talked to her once since she was arrested. I have cried for her everyday. The only way I can convince myself she is better off there is to remind myself she is not using and can't overdose. I cry for myself, because raising two young children is hard and I can't provide them with all the things they deserve. I am mad at the position she has put me in. Then I feel guilty for thinking of myself. My life has been turned upside down and I try soooo hard to be strong... continue doing the tough love thing and hope what I am doing is the right thing. She has been in jail 18 days and I pray this is her bottom. I have tried to help her in the past and that has not worked, it has only prolonged the addiction. I have to believe that letting her go on her own path will eventually lead her back to living. hushpuppyr you are not alone!

I commend you for your bravery. Even in the doubt and fear you did what I believe what was the right thing for "you".. That is all we can do. We can listen to our gut instinct and follow what we know to be true
even if it hurts like hell.

Rosanne~