Families & Friends Of Addicts Support Group

Addiction affects more than just the individual. This community is dedicated to the families and friends of individuals suffering from any form of addiction. Mental health professionals are increasingly considering alcoholism and addiction as diseases that flourish in and are enabled by family systems. Family members react to the addicted person with particular behavioral...

1,905 Members

8,121 Posts

0 Online

patnard 02/13/2013

For those of you who read my last post I was ging to my daughter's Dr.'s appointment today to try and straighten out a few things, complete waste of my time!! We did agree to bubble pack her med's but not until next month ( it takes that long for her health coverage to approve a new pharmacy) this mean I get to lock them up for another month. All my daughter did was complain about her anxiety, when she mentioned this to the Dr. he told her he was going to lower her clonopin as they had discussed before and she begged him to wait until next month and the idiot agreed. Who's the Dr. here!! When he does lower her clonopin he is going to add another med that should help relax her What!! I asked if it was a sedating medication and he said it shouldn't be. Then I asked how many days of med's are they going to pack at a time and my daughter got real antsy and asked me to leave, so I walked out. After the visit I told her that during the next month if I think even for 1 second that she is high she's out, and I mean it. I told her to think long and hard before she messes up again because she will be out on the street and will loose custody of her son this time! I also told her I want my life back and I am going to take it back one way or another!!

cardinal39 02/13/2013

pat,,, I'm sorry it did'nt go the way you wanted,,, but look at the whole picture,,, this is your daughter"s problem,,, she asked you to leave the room,, well because she is then able to manipulate the dr,,, oh they are so very good at that,,,,, just stick to your boundary,,,, proud of you,,, we can't fix them,,,,,, and when they say mind your own business,, then do just that,,,, but then she will have to find other dwellings,,, I believe this is your home!!!
be strong,,,,,

jainlor 02/13/2013

you sound very strong....if she messes up it is her choice...then let her leave...that may be the best thing to do for her

patnard 02/13/2013

I am going to stick to my boundries this time and I think she knows I mean it because when she came back from the pharmacy she handed over her clonoin without me having to ak fpr it and she told me I should count them, which I did and they were all there. Tomorrow she made an appointment to see her physch nurse and Friday she's going to see a therapist. I made sure she signed release forms so everybody can know what the other is doing. This is her strike 3 and I made that perfectly clear. I want to thank you all for your support, even though I haven't seen any changes yet I feel like a weight has been lifted off my shoulders. I feel stronger and a little sense of peace, but I'm not letting my guard down. I couldn't have done this without you my friends,

deleted_user 02/13/2013

Good job Pat! Keep standing your ground! You can do this!

deleted_user 02/14/2013

I am so proud of you, Pat! Dr's are worthless sometimes. Especially when they can get a cut of the meds they are prescribing to their patients. Many of them see $$$ signs when writing these prescriptions which is why they so willingly give them out like candy.

Your daughter now has a choice and it may have to take her getting kicked out to really want to change. It is heartbreaking when that even has to happen, but you can't live with the insanity anymore. You deserve some peace and you did the right thing by setting boundaries, which is never easy. Good job, stay strong.

dmatt124 02/14/2013

Pat, you are strong and you are doing this for you and I know it may be hard to understand but really for her. It is clear that she has manipulated the doctors, but it is also clear she does not want to be clean. This is her journey, you locking up the meds really isn't going to do anything but put added stress on you. It's time to create your boundaries, and really stick to them, it's the only thing that will hopefully give her pause to decide if this is what she wants. You can do this!

marg6300 02/14/2013

Pat I was talking to my son last night who has been clean for about 4 months and we talked about how hard it is for addicts to get clean when their parents are giving in to them. This came from my son who manipulated us for years and made us feel crazy! He said so many of the kids in his program have parents that still think that giving the addict what they want is helping and not enabling. I just thought it was interesting coming from him. He is now on Clonipin too but the deal is he gets one pill a day and if he asks for more I will throw them away. He can not badger me in any way for more than one. I also would not let him take them for the first 3 months of his sobriety just to make sure he was clean and planning on staying clean. So far we have not had any problems but for years I had to play hard ball with him. He couldn't live at home for years while he was actively using. It was only when he got serious and started getting help on his own that he was allowed to come home. I can tell you are getting stronger every day and thats good in the long run your daughter has a much better chance of quitting if you get strong and learn to say no and stick to it!
Hang in there you are doing fine!

deleted_user 02/14/2013

Pat so proud of you for sticking to your guns on this - it's one of the hardest things to do as a parent but one of the most important. Once you get past this hurtle, recognizing the signs and taking the appropriate steps will get easier. I'm not going to sugar-coat it because it's a long road but day-by-day you will get stronger to face the challenges and in the end it's a win for everyone. Keep your head held high and may the wind be at your back.

katrinka 02/14/2013

I like to look at the good side of things and she is an adult not a child and it seems she is slowly getting her life back. Since you joined this site it seems both of you have make changes for the better. It all takes time and baby steps.

Lynnedz56 02/16/2013

As everyone else said, stick to your boundaries. That is the most important thing you can do. I know it's hard when dealing with a child, but you have to get to the point where YOU are number 1!!!! If she messes up, throw her out. I think in a lot of cases, it has to get that bad. Most addicts in recovery will tell you that we were the problem in that we enabled them. We said we would not give in and we did. We bought their lies for more times than we should have. We gave in and in some cases, we enabled our children into the grave. I hated to say it, but I had to finally get to the point where I no longer enable my daughter. And without me getting involved, she is making small steps. Maybe not what I want or as fast as I want....but she's making progress.

deleted_user 02/20/2013

My brother is an addict and has been for quite some time. Due to his bad choices he is now in jail. The only advice I can give you is that she doesnt care about anyone but herself right now - all she wants is her drugs and thats it. It has become evident to me that all addicts have some underlying problem, which they need to identify deal with and work towards fixing. If she doesnt want to help herself, you cant help her. Always remember you are doing the best you can, have no regrets.

Join the Conversation