Families & Friends Of Addicts Support Group
Addiction affects more than just the individual. This community is dedicated to the families and friends of individuals suffering from any form of addiction. Mental health professionals are increasingly considering alcoholism and addiction as diseases that flourish in and are enabled by family systems. Family members react to the addicted person with particular behavioral...
I have been on this forum before giving hope to family members of alcoholics by saying how well my husband was doing and now I must regrettably report that he is off the wagon again. He had been doing so well in fact two months ago he himself stated with so much conviction in his voice that he was done for good this time. I was so convinced that for sure this was the beginning of a new long life together. Well, after a sober vacation to Las Vegas this past month he came back with a vengeance to drink again. I thought wow.....he got thru Vegas with no intent to drink. I though for sure he would ask for permission one last time given that we were in Vegas. But nope, he did awesome and I was such a proud wife.
Well, today I have asked him to leave after 7 days of continuous arguing. He doesnt want to accept that alcohol is the one to blame for the failure of our marriage. He keeps redirecting the argument to me and that for sure I must have someone else and for that reason I want him to leave. He says that I married him as an alcoholic and therefore I should accept it for the rest of our lives. Well I said absolutely NOT! I told him that I would not allow him to determine the rest of my life and that I was choosing to move my life to a direction that is happy and healthy and if he wanted to keep drinking that he could do that all by himself. Of course he is battling me tooth and nail and its been hell. I love him and I really dont want him to leave but I feel like he has backed my up into a corner and I just dont want to fight the battle for him anymore. Im tired of emptying bottles and recovering him from drunkeness. I want my life back and I want normalcy. I wish that there was more I could do however after 8 years of this back and forth thing I feel like my tank is empty. Dont get me wrong, I would like nothing more than for our marriage to work but I just cant keep fighting a battle by myself. This battle is his to fight and he has to be committed to the end. This back and forth nonsense has been extremely tiring and not good for his health and my own. He says that he tries to stop but that he cant. I asked him to go back to AA's and he says that they dont work for him. I asked him to go to rehab and he says hes done that too and that it doesnt work. I asked him to go see our minister for guidance and he refused to do that too. So then???? What else is left to do than to say Im done and you've made your choice. Today is a sad day! Please pray for strength and resolve in this very difficult time!
Well, today I have asked him to leave after 7 days of continuous arguing. He doesnt want to accept that alcohol is the one to blame for the failure of our marriage. He keeps redirecting the argument to me and that for sure I must have someone else and for that reason I want him to leave. He says that I married him as an alcoholic and therefore I should accept it for the rest of our lives. Well I said absolutely NOT! I told him that I would not allow him to determine the rest of my life and that I was choosing to move my life to a direction that is happy and healthy and if he wanted to keep drinking that he could do that all by himself. Of course he is battling me tooth and nail and its been hell. I love him and I really dont want him to leave but I feel like he has backed my up into a corner and I just dont want to fight the battle for him anymore. Im tired of emptying bottles and recovering him from drunkeness. I want my life back and I want normalcy. I wish that there was more I could do however after 8 years of this back and forth thing I feel like my tank is empty. Dont get me wrong, I would like nothing more than for our marriage to work but I just cant keep fighting a battle by myself. This battle is his to fight and he has to be committed to the end. This back and forth nonsense has been extremely tiring and not good for his health and my own. He says that he tries to stop but that he cant. I asked him to go back to AA's and he says that they dont work for him. I asked him to go to rehab and he says hes done that too and that it doesnt work. I asked him to go see our minister for guidance and he refused to do that too. So then???? What else is left to do than to say Im done and you've made your choice. Today is a sad day! Please pray for strength and resolve in this very difficult time!
I am glad you have the intention of looking after yourself.
I only have one concern...are you safe? 7 days of arguing...are you safe from him hurting you? and you hurting him? after 7 days, I would be at the point of snapping. If you feel that may be true for either of you, please either get out of there, or call the cops...something. I hope this toxic situation ends soon...and peacefully.
Blueviolet, he is not a physical man thankfully. So I have never been in fear of him hurting me however I am in fear of him hurting himself with all the drinking. To be honest that was the main reason why I kicked him out of our house because I do not want to see him kill himself in front of me and my kids. Not only is my husband an alcoholic but he also suffers from alcoholic liver disease therefore each time he drinks it might be his last because it will soon kill him. It is very sad considering my husband is only 41. Too young to die, I know! It is absolutely devastating!
I knew when I married him that I was making a choice to deal with his diseases of alcoholsim and liver disease however I guess at the time I did not realize how difficult it would actually be. I thought, like every woman thinks, that our love would over power his addiction and that somehow he would give up the bottle for the sake of having a happy marriage. But nope, that never happened. Sure he has had moments of sobriety however we always go back to this.
I have been more than willing to go through the peaks and valleys with him on his journey to sobriety however this time he has fallen with a vengeance. I love my husband and I pray that God enlightens him and me during this time of hardship. I have faith that God will work through us and that resolve will be found. For now things are out of my control and are all in the hands of my God. Thank you for taking the time and reading my post. It means alot to me to have an outlet.