Well, I really don't know what to say. Today is Mack's 40th birthday. And we have split up. We never had our date over the weekend. He was sick. He was so sick that he even cancelled a birthday thing with his sons. And then yesterday afternoon he gets a call from a friend and all of a sudden he wanted to go shooting (gun range). He didn't understand why I was upset. You're too sick to see your kids but you're well enough to go shooting. We fought all day yesterday. And then today, I wouldn't let him take my car to go shooting by himself. He told me I was treating him like a child and he wasnt going to put up with it. I told him I still have trust issues. That 1 good week isn't going to make up for the hell he put me through. And honestly, I needed my car for work today. Which is the truth. He packed his bag and left. Today, he made me believe that he doesn't want the heroin any longer. Today, I finally believed him. Today my heart was shattered yet again. But I'm surprisingly calm. And a little relieved. I can't help him. I can't fix him. I can't flip a switch and make everything right again. He's a drug addict, coming off the drugs. I can rationalize everything with my brain. But my heart will never understand. I love that man. I will always love that man. But it's done.

I'm going to keep coming back here. I still need to understand. I may never fully understand. But I need to try.

HEROIN I FUCKING HATE YOU.