Families & Friends Of Addicts Support Group
Addiction affects more than just the individual. This community is dedicated to the families and friends of individuals suffering from any form of addiction. Mental health professionals are increasingly considering alcoholism and addiction as diseases that flourish in and are enabled by family systems. Family members react to the addicted person with particular behavioral...
I am so scared he is going to hurt himself. Scared that he will commit suicide tonight. I am stuck between terror and this voice that tells me that nothing is going to happen, it's just one of these days, again.
My brother sent me a couple of messages saying very vulgar things about himself, that we tore his relationship apart etc. I called him because I got very worried. It's been a long time since he talked to me this way.
He was at home but stoned, which he denied, of course. He could barely speak in the beginning. He didn't make much sense, but the gist is that he hit that woman, that he is a nobody, gay, loser, that he is incompetent etc. That he should get locked up in the psych ward.
I kept my calm, didn't engange in conversation but then he started talking about a good friend of mine, a woman before her 40s with a 7 year old son. I told him to get himself together, long story short, he hung up on me when I told her to use that language with that low life person.
I called my parents. Again long story short, this has been going on for two days.
I've told you that my father is not giving him money (not the ammounts he used to at least; just a few euros a day for cigarettes and money for the child. He has to bring the receipts back or the money will stop. He does bring the receipts back).
That woman is playing him hard. One day she says she'll be homeless and where will the child go? So, she asks that my father pays her rent etc. The other day she says her father is on his death bed (we've heard that before) and that she needs money to see him. So, my father has to pay for her trip. Now, she said she is going to baptize the child (overdue by two years) and that she needs money for the ceremony at her village.
So, my father told my brother to make a call at her mother and find out if there's going to be a baptism, but my stupid brother called back that woman back who in the end said that she has found a very rich godmother for the child but... she still needs money. Brother asked for the "godmother's" phone, that woman said the godmother is out of reach because she is now... on vacation.
Earlier this day, my brother had called him from that woman's house. She grabbed the phone and started yelling to my father that he is a horrible person and that he made a faggot out of his son (the word she used was much harder).
My father called the police. The police man said that unless there is evidence of physical violence, the police will not do anything. My father insisted, pointing out as clearly as possible that there is a child in that place. Nothing.
He called that D.A. The assistant who picked up the phone said that there is nothing they can do, the case is closed!!!!! My father pushed and pushed, but nothing.
So, my parents are rushing back from the country house. Again.
She is not helping him. On the contrary. How can we get him to lose contact, especially when they have a child together? Every time he comes into contact with her he turns to this crazy person. I know because the days he didn't see her, he would come back home depressed, but not crazy.
And yes, I am not second guessing myself anymore. He is on smt more than methadone.
My brother sent me a couple of messages saying very vulgar things about himself, that we tore his relationship apart etc. I called him because I got very worried. It's been a long time since he talked to me this way.
He was at home but stoned, which he denied, of course. He could barely speak in the beginning. He didn't make much sense, but the gist is that he hit that woman, that he is a nobody, gay, loser, that he is incompetent etc. That he should get locked up in the psych ward.
I kept my calm, didn't engange in conversation but then he started talking about a good friend of mine, a woman before her 40s with a 7 year old son. I told him to get himself together, long story short, he hung up on me when I told her to use that language with that low life person.
I called my parents. Again long story short, this has been going on for two days.
I've told you that my father is not giving him money (not the ammounts he used to at least; just a few euros a day for cigarettes and money for the child. He has to bring the receipts back or the money will stop. He does bring the receipts back).
That woman is playing him hard. One day she says she'll be homeless and where will the child go? So, she asks that my father pays her rent etc. The other day she says her father is on his death bed (we've heard that before) and that she needs money to see him. So, my father has to pay for her trip. Now, she said she is going to baptize the child (overdue by two years) and that she needs money for the ceremony at her village.
So, my father told my brother to make a call at her mother and find out if there's going to be a baptism, but my stupid brother called back that woman back who in the end said that she has found a very rich godmother for the child but... she still needs money. Brother asked for the "godmother's" phone, that woman said the godmother is out of reach because she is now... on vacation.
Earlier this day, my brother had called him from that woman's house. She grabbed the phone and started yelling to my father that he is a horrible person and that he made a faggot out of his son (the word she used was much harder).
My father called the police. The police man said that unless there is evidence of physical violence, the police will not do anything. My father insisted, pointing out as clearly as possible that there is a child in that place. Nothing.
He called that D.A. The assistant who picked up the phone said that there is nothing they can do, the case is closed!!!!! My father pushed and pushed, but nothing.
So, my parents are rushing back from the country house. Again.
She is not helping him. On the contrary. How can we get him to lose contact, especially when they have a child together? Every time he comes into contact with her he turns to this crazy person. I know because the days he didn't see her, he would come back home depressed, but not crazy.
And yes, I am not second guessing myself anymore. He is on smt more than methadone.
Said that he has drunk some wine.
I feel like a complete idiot and a very bad person for not being able to help him.
He called me this morning telling me that today is a new day and in 30 seconds he exploded again. Last night he called my father 20-25 times . Saying horrible things.
I have to be strong and keep it together. Right after my brother's call, I talked with my father. My uncle, someone I grew up with, is dead from cancer. He had been battling for 2 years.
I have the feeling that things are going to get worse.
You are blessed to have a husband to lean on, but it must be hard to put your energy into a new marriage with all of this going on.
It sounds crazy to say, but you have to learn to compartmentalize....I heard a therapist had advised a worrier to save all their worries for 15 nimutes at a certain time, everyday. Save all of them for that time, and then concentrate on all of it for the 15 minutes.
All the insanity is why I made a small alter in my house, with candles and some prayers and I go there. I have a statue of God's hand open upwards, and I literally touch the hand and tell God that I am giving my problems to Him/Her. I think it saved my sanity.
You need to find something like that (along with us here) to help you release some of this.
It is so out of our control
It is insane. But insanity is contageous. You have to keep telling yourself- This isn't happening to me. it is happening to my brother.
It does sound bad.
i feel badly for you and your parents.
I will light a candle for you today.
It also sounds very familiar, similar to a situation my brother and his wife are going through with their son. The key is that someone called Child Protective Services instead of the police. Has anyone tried that? The police may need evidence of physical violence, but CPS might need less evidence.
In my brother's case, his son got a woman pregnant. The woman is clearly mentally ill and has no control over her emotions. She is verbally abusive and threatens people. She is so out of control with her emotions that security is called every time she attends her daughter's doctor's appointments.
Their son is terrified of this woman and can not be near her. So, he pretty much separated himself from the child so he wouldn't be around her. That left the child with the woman and someone reported her to Child Protective Services.
For the past year my brother and his wife have been raising the little girl while social workers have been working with the mom to get control of herself. It's not working and it's likely both parents will lose custody permanently. Then my brother and his wife will adopt their granddaughter.
"That woman" sounds very much like the mother in this story. The manipulating and clearly lying to get money also sounds like she may have a drug problem, which can also be a reason for losing custody.
My parents are back home. My brother, we have no idea where he is. I searched the garden cottage, where he stays, and found a piece of paper with dates and the name and number of pills he's taking. I'm not crazy. He also uses a symbol for something (my guess, heroin). No, I'm not crazy.
My parents, despite how physically and emotionally tired they are, they are holding up, which gives me strength. My father told me that if things get out of hand with my brother, he is willing to call the
police.
I also think that woman is unstable. My brother is unstable too.
Before my parents left for the country house, he told my father that she is bitting him and that she knows how to hit him to hurt him the most. I don't know what to believe. His neck had bruises.