Families & Friends Of Addicts Support Group
Addiction affects more than just the individual. This community is dedicated to the families and friends of individuals suffering from any form of addiction. Mental health professionals are increasingly considering alcoholism and addiction as diseases that flourish in and are enabled by family systems. Family members react to the addicted person with particular behavioral...
Well last year at this time my 24 year old son was heavily abusing opiates. In December, he overdosed! By March he was under the care of a Psychiatrist and Therapist, which he still sees to this day. He was prescribed anti-depressesants which I am not a believer in, but I must say, he is doing better with them than when he was using. He still drinks and recently his drinking has increased dramatically, causing him to make irrational decisions. He is slipping backwards and if he continues, will eventually be back where he started. He has put us through hell and back with his using, rehab, overdosing......We have been very supportive of him these past months and he has slipped here and there. This past weekend was horrible. On Friday he was not only drunk, but high. After denying it, he finally confessed that he took a vicodin that he found in his drawer (of course that is a lie, he probably bought something and I'm sure it was more than one)! On Sunday, he was so drunk that he fell down the stairs with food. he didn't get hurt but there was food everywhere! What a pathetic sight. It's a shame because he is so bright and has a wonderful job. Wants to go back to school but I don't see that happening with him this way. I am so disgusted at this point. My other son went through his phone and saw that he was trying to buy percocets. Now it's Monday and he is texting me that we hate him and he is so sorry. He is looking for pity but I am just so tired of this. My husband and I haven't taken a vacation, cannot even get away for a night. I feel like I am constantly baby sitting this grown man! I'm lost at how to handle this!
Have you considered an intervention? You would need to have all your ducks in a row first so he could be immediately admitted If/when he agrees.
The problem with interventions is that they are run ina very specific way. All who attend must promise that they will follow through with their "if you don't accept this help I will...." portion of their speech.
We did an intervention with a professional interventionist who taught us a lot. It for my son to say yes (eventually after the reality that he was losing everything but his drugs). Sadly he relapsed but a year later returned to rehab and is now 9 months CLEAN & SOBER.
I learned a lot from interventions. Had one for my mom when i was 12 and needed her to stop drinking.
There is hope but it in my opinion, it comes in the form of very tough love which is incredibly painful for us but seems to be what works for them.
During family week when my son was in rehab, I could predict which young men were going to relapse quickly because their parents had plans to enable them. Let them move home, get their car back on the road and so on. Enabeling for me stemmed from my fear, fear of my child dying. I have had to put that fear aside to get him to accept rehab.
He will descend regardless if he is at home or on the streets. When they lose everything, they are sometimes humbeled enough to admit their need for help.
Repeat after me: "MY SON'S CHOICES ARE NOT MY FAULT."
As parents, we tend to heap guilt upon ourselves. This only prolongs the problem because then we are more likely to become enablers.
If your son is 100% willing to get help and get clean, try to find a Teen Challenge program near you {www.TeenChallengeUSA.com}. It is a Christ-based, long-term residential program serving men and women ages 12 and over. Our 29-year-old son entered Teen Challenge in mid-August and for the first time in 10 years, he's clean! The total change in him is unbelievable. I can't say enough about Teen Challenge. Their 86% success rate is the highest of any program in the country.
Our son claimed for many years that he wasn't an addict because in his mind, since he wasn't drinking and/or using drugs every single day, he "had it under control". This couldn't be further from the truth. Addicts don't necessarily use daily.
Stay strong. Reaffirm to your son that you love him beyond measure but you are no longer willing to watch him destroy his life - and yours.
Remember the story of the Prodigal Son? The father allowed the son to go off into the world and self-destruct. It wasn't because he didn't love him - quite the contrary. He loved him desperately and longed for him to return home. He stood on his front porch every day watching for his son's return. BUT, he didn't go fetch him back. He didn't "help" him or enable him, he didn't beg and plead for him to come home. He realized that is was essential for his son to finally come to the end of himself. When his son returned home with a repentant heart ready for change, the father welcomed him with open arms and a celebrational feast.
Gather up support for yourself and stand firm. Place your son in God's capable, loving Hands, and wait on that miracle.
Big hugs