Yes, I'm familiar with it, and yes it is being abused. The fact that she's getting it from multiple doctors is a gigantic red flag.

Agreed, if she's serious about recovery, she will be honest with doctors, and also understand she needs to have ONE doctor only... if she needs another one for some reason then she must allow them to talk to each other. Sounds like she's not ready to do all she needs to change.

If she has moved out, and you're getting a divorce, why do you need to know about her current drug use? Do you feel like you need to prove she's an unfit mother? I don't think you do... I think that fact will be obvious to anyone. Focus on moving on, getting help for yourself, and raising your kids.

Sounds like she has relapse, or she wouldn't be getting this drug from multiple doctors. Guess it is good she going to be "soon to be ex".
I think its best you keep up with her drug use especially while going through a divorce. The courts will want to know all of this and if you have proof all the better. Daughter works for a divorce attorney, its best especially when children are involved to know what other partner is up to.

Katrinka I know where you're coming from, usually a person needs to get all the evidence they can to fight to protect their kids. I also think it's good to put some limits and distance between the ex and yourself, so you can get away from the mindgames for while. Mossy you've said in previous posts that you got custody pretty sorted out after the last separation, which is best for the kids. It will be great if they can rebuild a relationship with their mother when she's worked a bit more of her journey - I really think at the moment you need some certainty and peace away from her dramas. We get so tempted in these situations to take an interest in the ex's life, and this can really make it harder on ourselves. When you agree on a schedule with her she needs to stick to it and not mess the kids and you around.

HoldOnToHope, I understood what you were saying as I agree if your divorcing then what soon to be ex is doing or not shouldn't matter but, from what I hear from my daughter there are some things you need to know and keep up on until after the divorce is final. There are some sick, cruel people out there and to think at one time they love this other person. ;)
One woman storked my daughter, spread rumors my daughter was pregnant with her soon to be ex's baby, and my daughter was only the para-legal working for the attorney. Come to find out the lady is crazy.
Once this goes before a judge temporary custody will be given as well as visiting rights. That is as long as he has gotten a attorney, or a mediator, which he may not of done yet.
It takes time to get pass the wondering what soon to be ex is or isn't doing. As long as kids are involved, you will be in the other person life to some extent. Plus I know when I divorced my first ex I didn't care what he was doing but for my children sake I had to pay attention, I didn't want to be sending them to his house when he was drunk.
It seems this woman is still using and for kids to get mixed up in, whatever, she is doing isn't good for them. Addicts can't be trusted, so if children are involved then I can see keeping up with ex's drug problem.
I did not like having to send kids to dad's knowing he would get drunk, thankfully he only came and picked them up the first few months then he didn't come and kids would be waiting for him on friday night, sad but he wouldn't even call.

Good points, yes if there's any chance she could get visiting rights or whatever then yes keep an eye on her. I thought the situation was different, in that she's been so out of line that no judge would let her have the kids for visits surely. But yes there are no guarantees a bad decision might get made.

I just think by the sounds of it she's not reliable or trustworthy at all, and that must make it really hard to care for your kids when the mother is creating problems all the time. It's early days Mossy, I just hope you can get some support to help you get through. I just encourage you to be as strong as you can, try not to let her behaviour get you down. Easy to say I know!

Sorry I haven't been on in a few days, I have not talked with her about anything really other than kids for a few weeks. I have decided that there is no reasoning with her, she has her views whether I feel they are scewed or not, and the hair has been beaten off of that dead horse so I am done. However we have not "filed" for seperation or divorce at this point, and I am concerned of her doing this which I found out about prior to her leaving. I am not checking on her in any way, and really I feel a lot less anxiety since she has gone, I am busy with the kids and work and have time to focus on little else. If I have a way to show the judge if I have to what she has done as far as following her steps and aftercare and what she is taking and how many are in the bottle at the time it comes up verses what the script says I will probably present it.

It is weird, but the first time we split and divorced I was devestated, all I could think was how could she let this pill problem cause this. But this time I am not devestated, I am dissapointed, I am hurt, and I do get a little lonely from time to time when I do get a few minutes to myself, but the scar tissue on those old wounds has made me a little more accepting of this is who SHE is, with or without the pill catylist.

You're so right - there really is no reasoning with her. Getting clean (or partially clean in her case) doesn't change the destructive habits of a lifetime. I say lifetime because she probably did have some issues before she ever took a pain pill. We all have issues, it's just that when someone starts using chemicals it changes the behaviour and attitudes and makes the issues out in front for everyone to see.

Have you been to see your lawyer? This will help you get a plan together so you can deal with any attempt she makes at getting visitation or custody rights.

By all means record any evidence you have from the period before she moved out. And any new evidence you stumble upon now. But be careful because she is a compulsive liar and manipulator (by definition, as an addict) so you know you can't trust anything she says or does unless she gets genuinely clean and works a meaningful recovery program. You know she can't be doing this at the moment because no competent addiction doctor would prescribe tramadol to her at this time, and she's going to multiple doctors. She has a responsibility to be honest with every doctor and if she isn't then she's not actually ready to change after all.

The court needs documentation. copies of the bottles or the scripts or a printout from the pharmacy or the insurance would be evidence. or maybe the account history on a credit or debit card?

Obtaining scripts from multiple doc's is a crime, it is called "Dr. Shopping."

If you are in the home and you are caring for and providing all support for your children you already have an advantage with the court.

She has a drug history, and recent treatment, you can request and get the court to require drug testing as a condition for visitation. and you can request only supervised visitation

also check your credit report and shut down all joint credit cards and bank accounts. (learned the hard way)

I have a plan of action that I have discussed with two lawyers, I am a little leary to present it here as it is public and I would not want to educate her. As far as proof of what she is taking now even though she is not living with me, I can get that as well, but I have to be careful due to HIPA laws for confidentiality.

We were married once before, the divorce was brutal in ways, however before we reconciled we were attending marriage counseling and the preacher at our church was sort of hurrying us to go ahead and commit, it made me a touch uncomfortable, so I did have a prenup drawn up, so I also learned once the hard way with credit cards and joint bank accounts, but this time there are none that can affect me.

Best wishes, and it's HIPPA...

Absolutely don't reveal your hand here, you never know who is watching. We don't need to know the details, all I was saying was please see a lawyer, and I'm so pleased you have. When we're sick we need a doctor, when we could get sued for custody of our precious kids, we need a lawyer.