Hi! I have been married to what I think is an alcoholic for just over 5 years. During our marriage my husband has lied, cheated, emotionally and verbally abused me. We separated for six months three years ago but got back together. Six weeks ago I had a miscarriage. We were trying to conceive and were both finally so happy to have a positive outcome only to lose it in the end. My husband is an angry drunk and it takes very little to ignite his anger. He says terribly mean and hateful things to me when he gets this way. Even though I know he is irrational and drunk it is sometimes so hard not to take what he says personally because well, he is saying very personal things. While he hasnt been drinking more frequently or even more than usual, he has become meaner and harder for me to handle. I am already suffering from depression and the sadness of the miscarriage. I feel my patience wearing thin and I want to leave. I have some reservations. Financially, we are strapped at the moment. I absolutely know I cannot afford to leave until at least December. I know I would move out because he inherited our home from his parents. Also, I don't want to stay here. We also have dogs that I don't think he would be safe to be around if I left so I would need to find a house because they bark a lot and would not be suitable for apartment living. I also really want to have children and I fear what would happen to that dream if I left. This is probaby the biggest fear for me and a factor in why I went back after the separation. I am just really confused and lost. The last two weekends have been miserable and I cant stand to even think about another one. I just don't know how to get my head around the fact that this really is not working out and I need to leave. I've done my best and it's just not getting any better. I have attended Al-anon and I do find it helpful. I just sometimes need a place to vent like this board. Thanks.