Recap: 6+ years of our sons heroin addiction. January he od'd, died, they brought him back with narcan and paddles. After leaving the ER, he used again, then sought help. He's been in rehab since. He has a job he loves, his GF (who has been in rehab since April) is pregnant and expecting in Oct. He is excited about that. He bought a car that was junk and junked it, bought another that needs new tires to pass inspection.

now he's paid out alot on 'past issues' with the courts etc and other monies he needed in order to register his car, paid cash for the car.

My question lies with his not directly 'asking' for help with the tire purchase, but I feel as if it is his 'old manipulation' coming in to play. He mentions what he needs, keeps bringing it up as the POINT of need.

I ALMOST broke out my CC to call the place and pay for the new tires, but stopped myself. If he is willing to raise a child, then he has to learn HOW to budget his money correctly. To pay attention to the PRIORITIES in his life. And I THINK he is doing that. Car is #1 to get him to and from work. BUT he also needs to find an apartment as well, but he's right Car is FIRST in the list.

I didn't offer to pay for the tires, I feel badly, but I know this would cause an issue with hubby and me as my own vehicle, which I use for work, is costing us ALOT to keep it maintained at this point and other things that we need to get done as well. And I see that as viable.

But would YOU have offered to pay for them or was I right in my thinking of 'he has to LEARN to figure it out!'?

I hate all this feeling guilty stuff. I was a single mother after I divorced his birth father, I NEVER got a DIME of child support from the guy nor did I fight for it, as it was not WORTH what I had to endure in the interim. So I LEARNED how to make my way and worked HARD for what we NEEDED.

This thing called parenthood....smh....hardest job in the world.