Families & Friends Of Addicts Support Group
Addiction affects more than just the individual. This community is dedicated to the families and friends of individuals suffering from any form of addiction. Mental health professionals are increasingly considering alcoholism and addiction as diseases that flourish in and are enabled by family systems. Family members react to the addicted person with particular behavioral...
So as some of you know my son is in jail after relapsing and attempting to rob a women of her purse two weeks ago. I have had a bit of time to think about all of this and decide how to proceed. I decided not to hire an attorney. My son will have a public defender and I will meet wiith her tomorrow and tell her a little bit of Justin's history so that on Thursday when he goes to court maybe she can convince the judge to put Justin into some sort of drug program while doing his time. I don't want Justin to not serve his time but I do hope he can get some sort of treatment while he is in there. He was offered so many opportunities for treatment and help while he was out and yet he did not put much effort into his recovery so at this point it truly is in his hands... I have spoken to him once and all he wanted to say was "it was the other guys fault and he had no idea he was going to do it" I should have known he would not own up to any wrong doing.. So dissappointed with that. He also said that this was a good thing for him cause now he would be locked up for a good amount of time and forced to get clean. At this point it is clear that he is unwilling or unable to work his recovery and is just looking for the easy way out. I have refused all of his phone calls. I asked him if he had any idea what pain he had caused his family and he was confused by the question? I will talk to the lawyer and I will tell her all that I know but I am not real hopeful that anything I say will matter. My son does not want to deal with his problems head on and I'm tired of fighting harder for his recovery than he is willing too.
On a positive note I met with my other sons teachers last week, he just started middle school last month and they let me know my little guy is an awesome student and doing really well in all of his classes. I told both of his teachers about his older brother being an addict and in jail and they were shocked but handled it professionally and thanked me for letting them know what Johnny is going through at home. I just wanted them to be on the lookout for anything concerning Johnny. He is a quiet boy and he is now at the age that Justin was when he started using drugs and I am terrified it could happen to him so open communication is my only defense against this.
My daughter is loving college and brought som girls home with her this weekend and it was so nice to have the house filled with laughter. Gosh I miss her but I am so happy she is loving it!!
anyway wish us luck court is on Thursday, he may get up to 4 years..
On a positive note I met with my other sons teachers last week, he just started middle school last month and they let me know my little guy is an awesome student and doing really well in all of his classes. I told both of his teachers about his older brother being an addict and in jail and they were shocked but handled it professionally and thanked me for letting them know what Johnny is going through at home. I just wanted them to be on the lookout for anything concerning Johnny. He is a quiet boy and he is now at the age that Justin was when he started using drugs and I am terrified it could happen to him so open communication is my only defense against this.
My daughter is loving college and brought som girls home with her this weekend and it was so nice to have the house filled with laughter. Gosh I miss her but I am so happy she is loving it!!
anyway wish us luck court is on Thursday, he may get up to 4 years..
I also go to Ava's teacher and let them know that her mom,( herion addict) and out in the wilderness,,, so they can have an insight of what Ava may be feeling ,, although the longer her mom stays away,, the less pain Ava has,, the more she accepts that it is what it is,,, and the less she feels insecure about being taken away from me,,,
Laughter permeating through your house priceless,,, those are my favorite times
Good luck Thursday,, it is what it is,, and this to will be considered In the past one day
Love ya
and open communication with the teachers for your son could be so helpful.
I am sorry for your pain in all this. I hope justin has a wake up call and turns his life around.
In the meantime, how blessed you are to have your other two children, and it's so nice that you can appreciate their accomplishments. Bravo!
What is beyond any understanding to me is when you asked Justin if he knows how much hurts he is causing the family and he looked confused. I have also seen this with my X.
This degree of their detachment from reality while we are taking the full impact of it!
I know they are so sick. What else can we tell ourselves to deal with the impact of their obliviousness to the harm they are doing to their family?
everything to this mom. I did go and speak with the public defender this morning. She said Justin did not actually steal the purse he was just with the guy who did it ( I know he was in on it and would have done drugs with the money if they both had not been caught) therefore they were offering to drop it down to a misdemeaner and she told me at most he was going to get 4 months to serve.and the jusge would never order him to treatment with such a short sentence... This means Justin will be back at my door in 4 months begging me to help him and telling me he can only get better with my help. I have made up my mind that I will not be letting him come home after his sentence but of course that is a few months away and I need to not focus on that day. He has his court date in the morning and I will go to show love and support and his lawyer will tell him he can not come home after jail.this is all not playing out well but I am going to have to take it one day at a time..
I do hope your son is placed in a drug treatment program so at least he can start to work toward some measure of recovery. Jail alone will do nothing to improve his condition.
I'm glad to see your focus is changing back to your other children. For so long all our efforts have gone to trying to save our addict that we took our eyes off the other people in our life and sort of neglected them.
Through all this, though, you have become a very strong person and I salute you. Blessings and continued strength through this difficult struggle.