Families & Friends Of Addicts Support Group

Addiction affects more than just the individual. This community is dedicated to the families and friends of individuals suffering from any form of addiction. Mental health professionals are increasingly considering alcoholism and addiction as diseases that flourish in and are enabled by family systems. Family members react to the addicted person with particular behavioral...

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HopeLivesHere 10/21/2011

When I got home yesterday my b/f seemed down and out. He said that he thought and thought all day long on wednesday and thursday about everything. Then he said words I have never heard from him before "I want to talk". He has never wanted to talk about any type of problem before, he just tries to handle things on his own. He wants to go for a walk and talk about everything that is going on when I get home today. He said that he doesn't want this addict life and is ready to make changes. He also said that he loves me very much and wants a normal family life. He wants to lay everything out on the table and be totally honest with me about everything. He said he feels that he has been so selfish for the whole 2 years of our relationship.

Something looked different in his eyes and I can't help but wonder if this is it finally? I hope it is. I just want him to know that I am willing to be there for him and listen to him without judgement. I am going to try not to get my hopes up too much. I am excited and nervous about what he is going to say. I know he has it in him to change his life. I do not know what he is going to tell me yet but if anyone has any advice on how I should handle the conversation I am open to hear it. I will update on Monday about what happens.

deleted_user 10/21/2011

Try to just listen. Also try not to freak out on wht he says cause it may be worse than what you thought. He probably wont tell you everything but dont press it unless you want too. Afer he is done, do not tell him what he needs to do... treatment ect.. Ask him what he is going to do about his addiction, dont you take charge! If he truly wants to change he will and can do it on his own. You can support him through it but he has to make the steps, that is how you will know for sure. dont let him fool you, they will say what we want to hear to get them off there backs and it is very convincing. I hope he is for real and I will pray for you. I have been through alot with my husband and if you need to talk I am happy to answer any questions... good luck monday!!!!

laurap1980 10/21/2011

I agree 100% with ANW. Talk is good, but in the end it is just talk. I sincerely hope the winds truly are chaning, but I can tell you that I have had several honest and true talks with my hubby, and he usually slows down for while, but ultimately we end up right back where we started, because he is also the type to want to handle things on his own, and has thus far not wanted any actual treatment. He has even gone so far as to detox himself at home and stayed clean for 6m months....but I have always told him what he needs to do, and he has always refused. Take ANW's advice, see what he has planned to help himself and go from there. Sending you many prayers that he is ready for a change. Keep us posted! (((HUGS)))

katrinka 10/21/2011

Addicts go through stages. Your bf is at the stage of thinking about his problem, deciding if he's ready to quit. Unfortuately these stages will bounce back and forth. The good news is usually the times between relapses start to grow longer and times of using get shorted.
This site has stages of change, its down the page.
http://www.spiritualriver.com/how-can-i-help-an-alcoholic-or-drug-addict-specific-things-you-can-do-to-help/

deleted_user 10/21/2011

Agreed, these phases come and go but with each attempt and even each failure I believe that is one more step along this journey taken.
I asked questions and got more answers than I could handle. If I had thought ahead, thought whether i could handle the truth rather than nice reassurance i would have been quieter.
Be kind to yourself.
Always
x

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