You have NOT failed your son ! Your son is an adult and making his own bad choices that you completely disagree with. That's why you're on here your desperate to reach him before it gets worse I get it that's how I found this site as well as most of the other parents on here. Of course you want to help your son that's why you hired the first lawyer. Sadly nothing you do to help him is actually going to help him until he is ready to recognize what he is doing and make the changes he needs to make. I know what you're going through I have been there and much worse. My son turned 22 last week and I have been through hell and back . Addiction sucks and most likely it will get worse if he's already been in trouble and didn't learn anything. Some advice I got from a great wise friend on here allow your son to fail forward. Meaning let him suffer the consequences of his actions. A lot of times you will be more than shocked at what their actual bottom is my son is a great loving kind hearted person that started smoking pot and graduated to pills and eventually heroin. I cried begged threatened screamed held his hand through numerous overnight hospital stays walked the floors all night when he was missing tracked him down speed through his phone insisted on rehab numerous times talked to his "good" friends written him heart filled letters put him in a psych ward when he was out of his mind from drugs ( that was one of the hardest ones) picked him up from the scene of his crashed up car that he left in the woods when he hit a tree and finally let him sit in jail for a week when the law finally caught up with him ( best thing I ever did for him) although it broke my heart . The point is what I recognize as ABSOLUTE INSANITY. He did not cause he continued to use drugs. Addiction robs the person of their very being and sadly we are powerless to stop it. I know it is very very difficult to watch them suffer but if they don't they will never change so for your sons sake let him feel the outcome of his bad choices sooner rather than later and hopefully you will not have to go through all I did. Pray for him and no matter what ALWAYS let him know you love him and will be there for him when he truly decides he has had enough and wants to get well. Good luck stay strong it's usually a long road to recovery. There is always hope though as long as they are alive.Dee

Everything that Dee said....totally agree like I wrote it myself.

Just to add DO NOT bail him out if it happens again. He needs to feel his actions. Let him sit there. No lawyer. Ask the DA for inpatient treatment. I had a friend who said but his college. His job etc etc. there will be no college or job if they OD or next time hit that tree drunk and not make it. College and jobs can come later when they clean up.

I'm sorry for what you are going thru. Been thru hell and back here myself with two. 21 years to be exact. Both clean now working recovery. Both have been revived at one point during their heroin use. Don't wait to get strong. He needs it.

Thank you for the support and advice. I'm so sorry for what both of you have gone through as well. You never think your babies will end up like this when they grow up. It hurts so much when you can't make things better for them anymore like when they were little. I know I need to let him work it out and suffer so that he will hopefully realize he needs help. I really hope he realizes it before something really terrible happens. My prayers are with you both.

YOU have not failed anyone. Your son is failing himself, my son was in his last of college when we finally found out he had an addiction problem, all the signs were there, we were just too blind to see. As man y of us here, we tried with all of our hearts and souls to save our children, but what we really needed to do was save ourselves. You have taken a very important step, by not enabling, and leaving this now up to him. Like my friend Dee, we did everything, but it wasn't until my son was ready to give up drugs, that's when it happened. Addicts are not bad people, in fact that are the sweetest, kindest and warm hearted individuals I have met, they are sick people, living with the disease of addiction. So keep that tucked away in your mind and remember he needs help, and you are there to support his sobriety. Addiciton is not for sissies, so keep getting the support and help that YOU need.

my son sounds just like yours. I sound like you. I did the attorney thing too..then stopped.
he has to pay the price for the choices he makes and once they are 18 it is out of our hands.
even if he is not an addict? his actions are beyond irresponsible and if he doesn't have the sense to quit, than he is just asking for more.
I also questioned whether I was a good parent or not.
we are good parents.it isn't you...it is him. he has the power to control his life. he has chosen.
set your boundaries.
do not do anything for him that he can do for himself
don't waste money thinking a change in location, or sending him to college will change things...all it will do is deplete your pocketbook
I thanked GOd when my son stopped fooling around with pills etc...and just drank. NOpe, he became a drunk.
He is sober now 7 years. he is 30. but nothing I did made any difference to get him to stop. counseling, lawyers etc.
Never give up hope.
take care of yourself and your other family members
be open and honest with family members or he will pit you against each other.
don't get guilted into anything.
know that while you are up pacing floors worrying he is probably partying and passed out and not worrying about you at all.
tell him you love him often
I am very sorry for this part of your journey.
my son was a loving son, and never violent with us...but I think he was a very bad person outside my house.
and jail? when he was in, I slept better. he was safe, sober and being fed and I knew where he was.
you are not alone. there are millions of us.

Do you attend Al Anon? The best thing you can do for him is attend this program.