Families & Friends Of Addicts Support Group
Addiction affects more than just the individual. This community is dedicated to the families and friends of individuals suffering from any form of addiction. Mental health professionals are increasingly considering alcoholism and addiction as diseases that flourish in and are enabled by family systems. Family members react to the addicted person with particular behavioral...
Over the last couple of days I have done some thinking about my daughter the addict. I've come to realize there is my daughter who is lost and my daughter the addict. The daughter who is the addict is really not the daughter I raised and the one who once was loving, kind, gentle. She is the addict who does whatever it takes to get her drug of choice. I can only hope and pray that one day the old daughter will return. She really is in gripes of the addiction disease. I have to let it play out, it is all up to her.
I miss her terribly and mourn the loss of the old daughter. I love her always but I do not support her choices she is making now.
I have to come to realize that I cant fix her only she can do that. She will have to pay the consequences for her choices and actions..
. I pray everyday that god will protect her and keep her safe
I miss her terribly and mourn the loss of the old daughter. I love her always but I do not support her choices she is making now.
I have to come to realize that I cant fix her only she can do that. She will have to pay the consequences for her choices and actions..
. I pray everyday that god will protect her and keep her safe
Beloved,
You want to hear from me about letting your son go. You are not abandoning him, as much as it may feel like it. You are simply transferring his well-being from your care to mine.
It was never my intention for you to direct, guide, and control his life. That is my role. Yours in the beginning was to love him, protect him, and teach him. You've done that. He was never yours to keep. To have peace you must let him go. Your stubborn self-will only gets in the way of the plans I have for him.
I know it is not your intention to interfere, but you are. You are not all-wise and all-powerful. You cannot remove his disease. You cannot love him to wellness. Only I can do that.
You must trust that I care for your son's well-being. You must trust that I love him more than your human love can. My thoughts, my ways, my plans are bigger than you can comprehend. Your lives are so short, yet you waste so much time in worry and fear.
Yes, your son may cut his life short. That is not my intention, but his choice. He must trust me also, and seek to have a relationship with me. Only then can I work in his life. I will not force myself on him or you. I am very willing to be involved in your lives, but only to the degree that you allow. We both know what a struggle trusting me has been for you.
You can't make it any easier for your son to trust me. He has to find me on his own. Let him do that.
Get out of the way. Love him as my child, the way I love you. But let him go so that he can be himself, whoever that may be.
We're in this together. You can come to me anytime to tell me your worries and concerns. I'll listen, I always have. But I may choose to be silent. Thats my way of growing and stretching you.
I know you love your son, and I love you for that. But ultimately, he is my child. Entrust him to me and you will grow. You will find the peace that you want. You have so much in your own life to focus on. Focus on growing yourself, and let me worry about your son.
Loving you always, God
I don't know that we ever get our "old" child back. Do we want our our old child back? I don't know.....
My son has been clean / sober for 18 months now (yeah!!!). He is a different person than he was "pre-addiction". In some ways I miss the son from years ago; however, in some ways I love him more ;)
This is our children's (and ours) story /path......continue to love your daughter unconditionally.....I believe that is all we can do... We never have to love / accept the addiction, but we CAN continue to love our addicts...
Hang in there....
I will keep your daughter and your family in my thoughts and prayers..
Peace...
I totally agree with jen50. My son has been clean and sober for 2+ years now and he is not the same as before the addiction. I never thought of it that way. Don't get me wrong, I am so grateful for his recovery. Just trying to get used to the "new son" is kinda weird I have to admit.
Believe me, I am sooo grateful he is clean now and giving back-I could not be more proud.
I'm praying for your daughters recovery.
You and your daughter are in my thoughts and prayers.
I feel the exact same way.
My " old " daughter is gone. God knows I've tried.
I've yet to mourn the old not wanting to accept the new.
Yet my family is torn over this & I simply can't be an enabler any more.
I'm scared to death but like you I realize I cannot fix her.
I've given everything as a mom. Sure made mistakes.
Sitting here in tears for you, me & anyone having to find the courage to let go & hope & pray for the best. Choking on my grief.
Love the prayer & sure I'll be reading it often.
Gently hugs & strength.
Sammy