well I have not written much here lately because for once I have had nothing much to say. My son left our home in August for one last hurrah and we have heard very little from him. Once in awhile he would send us a FB message so we were pretty sure he was alive. Well I also stopped answering my phone so if he had tried to call I would not have gotten it. But I did get a voice message the other day from someone named Charlie at a different hospital, and I called him back. Justin had made his way into this persons short term treatment center and Charlie wanted to touch base with me and see what the situation was with us. He believes that Justin is very serious about wanting treatment and he is working on finding him a place. I was very guarded during most of the conversation. Been there done that... all of that.. one time, two times, 300 times. this mama is wore down and not up for helping in any way. Charlie let me know Justin had one last court date that he needed a ride to and he hoped I could take him. I offered to just give him money for a taxi. Don't want to see Justin, don't want to be begged for help, pleaded with for one last chance, blah, blah, blah. But Charlie kept talking and telling me that of all his patients Justin was the only one he really believed in, at the moment. He felt he was sincere and honest and desperately in need of treatment and wanting it. Justin had been in treatment here in our city that he has failed at a million times because its in the middle of the whole drug scene and they spend all day walking around the city eating their meals at the soup kitchen, sleeping in the homeless shelter, looking the drug dealers in the eye every step they take and its hard and Justin admits he can not do it and he will go anywhere in the world but he can not make it there and I absolutely believe that.
So I did go and pick him up on the condition that it was only for one ride to court and back to the hospital he goes. It was very important for Justin to get to this court date as the treatment centers don't let you in if you have any pending charges. Well I picked him up and we drove straight to court. He talked the whole way and when we got there we were told his court date had to be moved because of the ice and snow storm we have been dealing with all week. We were told to come back in a month. I ended up taking Justin to Krispee Kream and we ate doughnuts and drank coffee and talked all afternoon.... MY son was sober and sincere and it was such a beautiful day and I know it was a gift from God. I did bring him back to the hospital with hugs and kisses and I love yous. I don't know what is going to happen to my son. He will probably not get into the treatment program now and this hospital is going to have to take him back to the homeless shelter and I know he will go out and relapse and die. I have tried to help him a million times and I am not going to let him come home because it never helps him and so I will do nothing and doing nothing is so hard and I wish there was something I could do...