Families & Friends Of Addicts Support Group
Addiction affects more than just the individual. This community is dedicated to the families and friends of individuals suffering from any form of addiction. Mental health professionals are increasingly considering alcoholism and addiction as diseases that flourish in and are enabled by family systems. Family members react to the addicted person with particular behavioral...
Hello my friends, I think I can say after 6 months I have some clarity in my life again. Last week I was in France on business, and I was fortunate to have a day to spend in Paris. I was alone,taking in the beauty and history of the Louvre and while I was strolling the streets I passed a beautiful church with the most beautiful voices coming from inside.I went in, and I lit a candle for my girlfriend, and sat and listened to this beautiful angelic choir. When I left I thought of my son ( who is clean now for 5 months) and I for the first time I realized, he left our home, went over 1000 miles away knowing no one, battling the demon inside, no friends, no family, and made the choice to remain go into sober living, got a job, a sponsor, made a solid network of friends, work out 5 days a week, golf and continue to fight the battle all by himself. I now realize the meaning, that this is something they have to want and can do only if they want to and in the end its only them. But I also have the clarity to realize that as much as I didnt' want this to happen, neither did he. When we are in the throws of caring for our addicts,we don't believe they want to get better, but really they don't know how. I hope that my son will continue on this journey as I am so proud of the choices he has made and don't ever give up hope. thank you to all of my friends here for helping to bring me to this place in my life.
Thanks for posting this. It's very encouraging!
I don't agree that all addicts want to get better though. There are a few who chose the life of addiction over everything else out of choice. They may not be many in number but my addict is one of them. He doesn't want to get clean. He has stated many times now that his recreation (injecting speed/ice) is safer than having a cup of coffee. It is safer than most over the counter medications. He has even stated that he is no more an addict than I as I take prescribed pain medication. To prove I wasn't addicted I stopped taking them but he just found another way to prove his point. He does not honestly believe the drugs he uses are a problem but society is the problem. He is so honest about being an addict, or as he puts it an active user of drugs. He tells people straight out now we have separated like it is his badge of honor.
He isn't ashamed or anything. He is glad he is away from me so he can use more. Reckons it was my uninformed beliefs that held him back from enjoying his drugs.
He is only the second person I have ever met that felt that way. He'll never give up and neither did the other person (whom died of an overdose).
Sorry to be so negative on such a positive post but I just have to disagree.
Meet your second "active drug user" my addict tells ppl he is an alcoholic like it's a point of pride...and just like U he feels I held him back from using to a point where at 31 he has been hospitalized for severe organ damage, pancreas, liver and kidneys....
I too am sorry for chiming in on a positive post, but perhaps it will help those who DO have addicts who truly WANT to get better how fortunate they are :)
Hmm I couldn't find anywhere that it said all addicts want to get better, instead I read, "they have to want and can do only if they want to and in the end its only them". That is true. Your son has made some good choices and it shows he is moving forward positively in his life. I'm happy for him and you.
A lot of addicts will say alcoholic in this society they are look down at and called druggie and other derogatory names if they say, I am a drug addict. Like one rehab said, it doesn't matter what you call it, alcohol is a liquid drug. Your addict is young only 31 and sadly his life seems to revolve around his drinking and drugging. I dated and married a man 11 1/2 yrs younger I noticed this man is younger then you. Looking back I see how immature he really was and how he was really looking for a mom figure. My ex like yours didn't have a good mom, she was a drug addict. My therapist says some men will do this, they are looking for a mom figure, kind of like the woman who marry much older men they want someone to take care of them. My ex also would run back to his mom and family all of which do drugs. He did this over and over. I can read in your post the hurt you have, I think at least you didn't stay 12 years like me.
Many, many wishes for an always clear mind and a heart full of love.
I must however agree with Nandou and LostinCO that not all want to get cured and it's only when they (the addict) makes the heart-n-soul decision to change, will they turn it around. My addict wore his usage like a badge of honor for 5 years and he's only 18 and anytime I confronted him he'd say "there's nothing wrong with what I'm doing, blah, blah, blah!!" I truly believe that until an addict is confronted with that certain trigger that reaches deep inside them that makes them want to quit then nothing will.
Again, I wish you well.