Families & Friends Of Addicts Support Group
Addiction affects more than just the individual. This community is dedicated to the families and friends of individuals suffering from any form of addiction. Mental health professionals are increasingly considering alcoholism and addiction as diseases that flourish in and are enabled by family systems. Family members react to the addicted person with particular behavioral...
Omg! I am so happy! My brother took away the car today! (We have been borrowing it for about a month, but I was against it because that gave my husband no motivation to save up for our own car.) Well today, my brother sold the car he was using, and called around noon saying he will pick up the loaner. Thank God!
Also, this morning (before the whole car thing) my husband came up to me and said he wants to stop drinking. So... wanting to and doing so are two very different things, but he said it. So now I wait and see.
I have been keeping my mouth shut since our last fight (over his drinking) last Thursday. But I haven't been acting distant either. Instead of sarcasm and attitude, I've been smiling and touching him, making his favorite food, not giving him the cold shoulder. I wanted to! Yesterday he slept ALL DAY (results of drinking and staying up all night) and this morning he woke up late. But I think me not yelling at him or even once mentioning his drinking is helping the situation. I simply told my brain to relax and let go of the anxiety and fear... and all of a sudden my days were full of joy and blessings!
I've been seeking council from my mom and a few close friends, all who have unbiased advice. I do believe I can win in this situation, by controlling my own behavior. There will be 1 of 2 outcomes. First, I won't make his life miserable and give him reasons not to drink. Second, I won't make his life miserable but he will still choose to drink. But at least my own heart will be at peace when I finally leave. Which I will, when I decide that there is nothing left to fight for.
Because right now, there is. The simple fact of the matter is, with all our problems, both his and mine... we still love each other.
Also, this morning (before the whole car thing) my husband came up to me and said he wants to stop drinking. So... wanting to and doing so are two very different things, but he said it. So now I wait and see.
I have been keeping my mouth shut since our last fight (over his drinking) last Thursday. But I haven't been acting distant either. Instead of sarcasm and attitude, I've been smiling and touching him, making his favorite food, not giving him the cold shoulder. I wanted to! Yesterday he slept ALL DAY (results of drinking and staying up all night) and this morning he woke up late. But I think me not yelling at him or even once mentioning his drinking is helping the situation. I simply told my brain to relax and let go of the anxiety and fear... and all of a sudden my days were full of joy and blessings!
I've been seeking council from my mom and a few close friends, all who have unbiased advice. I do believe I can win in this situation, by controlling my own behavior. There will be 1 of 2 outcomes. First, I won't make his life miserable and give him reasons not to drink. Second, I won't make his life miserable but he will still choose to drink. But at least my own heart will be at peace when I finally leave. Which I will, when I decide that there is nothing left to fight for.
Because right now, there is. The simple fact of the matter is, with all our problems, both his and mine... we still love each other.
we didn't cause it
we can't control it
we can't cure it.
And if he does decide to get sober, it is the first year of working on getting sober, the second year on finding out why you were a drunk and the third year is learning to live a balanced life. that was told to me at my son's rehab...and it was spot on for us. It is a long journey into hell and a long journey out.
I'm not a sugar coating type. How long do you think you can walk on eggshells stroking his arm and pretending all is good? Like Blue said...you can't control it.
I always thought if I were a better wife and didn't complain he would stop. Well 23 years later he still drinks.
I feel for you. I truly do. I can see from your post you really want him to stop. I wish he would. Time will tell.
All I see from this post is you making nice. Cooking him meals and giving him love. Rewarding bad behavior by losing a car...being drunk and sleeping all day.
I hope you aren't hiding in a state of denial. I'm worried about you and your child.
No, I am most definitely not in denial. I know he is am alcoholic. No, I do not believe I am the reason he drinks. However, he has told me multiple times that when I make him mad, he drinks. So by me "giving him less reason to drink" is not reacting negatively to his behavior, so that if he drinks, it's because he chose to on his own!
Me cooking and loving him... well. I want to. I'm tired of fighting and "proving a point" by not doing what I've always done. I love to cook. I enjoy maintaining a clean home. And I can keep composed and make the best of this, or I can lose my sh*t and make my life even worse!
His words, not mine lol
Wow. It feels so good having a place to put down my thoughts!