My opinion is they hate themselves for using and not stopping. They have a tremendous amount of self hatred. I am not so sure they don't want help. I believe the addiction is so strong they can't think of anything but getting high.

I dont know anyone's story on here. I'm new. But I'm not new dealing with addiction. My experience with my sons have taught me a couple of things.
1) I can't fix them
2) I can only change the way I handle it and work on me being strong
3) never give up when it's your child. There is always hope. I've seen kids turn things around because of the love of a parent who never gave up. And I've seen my sons friend die because no one cared. There's a fine line trying to fix and to never stop talking to them.

My son is in rehab now from a heroin addiction so bad he has been revived last year. He was going to die. That thought terrified me. I just kept taking to him. Hoping that one day he would just know I loved him enough to do what I had to do. And that was a protective
Order and having him arrested. Hardest thing I ever did. He hates me at times for that. And you know what? I am ok with that. If it saves his life then that's great.
If it's a spouse for me it's another story. Mine made my life hell. In the end I didn't care about helping him. I cared about my surviving what he did to me when he was high. So I left

I commend you. You sound like a very strong individual. I am going though a very hard time with my son and need to be strong. It is the most difficult thing I have ever had to go through and I have been through alot! At a crossroads and need to put him out. I don't want to but there is no choice. He has already overdosed in my home twice, refuses to get help and is high and drunk every day. His alcohol consumption is dangerous. He is only 26, already has liver and kidney disease. He is a runaway train ready to crash! God help him!!!!

Hi Destiny I'm sorry you are going through this . It sucks !! I know it may seem that the addict doesn't want our help and at times that is very true. The problem is ... that is what the addiction does to them it lies to them and makes them think we ( loved ones ) are the enemy because we are the enemy of the addiction not the addicted ! I have almost given up hope at times because it does drain you to the point of not even wanting to be alive anymore to not have to deal with it. I get how you are feeling and quite frankly you have a right to feel that way and decide what is right for your situation. I don't know if your addict is a spouse child sibling or other but in my case it is my son 21 yrs old. I have literally been through just about every scenario you could think of due to his drug addiction. Overdosing to the point of him having no vitals and being brought back to life with Narcan . Numerous hospitalization s one 5 day stint in the psychiatric unit. Physical fights with people where he would lose his license wallet cell phone jewlery and one time even his shoes . He actually was brought back home by a friend shoeless. Wrapped his car around a tree and left it there so the police were at my door in the morning looking for him. Not to mention all the countless times he was M.i.A. And I would go looking for him calling his friends pacing the floors until he showed up alive. So so many embarrassing fights at our home that would end up in the front yard for all the neighbors to see and hear. Finally the night in January 2014 when he was arrested at gunpoint for selling cocaine to a police informant. Visiting him in jail going to court and letting him come back home to get his life straight or else. I am proud to say he has. The court mandated rehab and drug program which is basically the equivalent of a probation officer . It was for him the thing he needed to wake the f up !! All the other things didn't do it I was so close to having no hope left and then the arrest happened. I always told him how much I loved him through all of it but I was clear to him as well how unhappy we were with his choices and I never covered up for him because I wanted him to learn from his mistakes. Givenup107 is so right they truly hate themselves for their own addictive behavior I think it's a big part of the reason why they get so stuck in it because they feel so terrible about the things they've done that they use again to bury the feelings. I needed my son to know that I would always love him no matter what because I never knew if he would live to see another day . I would never take his consequences from him though they were his and his alone. When he needed a lawyer I did hire one for him but I made him pay me back every single cent of it and he did . I also made him pay for all the collect calls he made to me from jail I would do nothing to help him because it was his fault for ever being there to begin with. Our relationship is a million times better now than it was 19 months ago when all this happened so I just wanted you to see there is always hope as long as their is life . I will pray for you and your loved one and all on here that have to deal with this terrible affliction. Try to take some time for yourself to do something nice just for you . This is a long hard journey and I'm sorry any of us have to be on it . Peace and hugs Dee

Joenick....
i am strong only because i have to be. Like all of us we wish we didnt have to make hard heartbreaking decisions.

For most on here...you are in shock the first time you realize you are dealing with an addict child. I remember sitting on the steps crying hysterically. Feeling paralyzed. That was 21 years ago. I have two sons who used together. So there were times i felt like dying for me would be a blessing. I went thru the stealing the lies the police (i still panic when i hear a siren) drug dealers showing up for their money. Courts jails bail attorneys....rehabs inpatient and out patient. One son overdosed and was on life suport for months before he made a miracle recovery only to use again.
ive been spit on hit coffee thrown in my face and humiliated beyond belief.
So that made me strong. Made me determined to survive this.
I had to go to court. Not just to save him but to save me. Hes in rehab inpatient right now and trying really hard. I go see him and attend family groups. I cant say im nit angry. I am. But the fear overtook my anger. Now we both habe a long road ahead. Im learning for the first time in my life to take care of me. And it feels so good.

As for my other son. Hes the one who was on life support 9 years ago. He is about to complete a five year prison sentence for armed robbery. His addiction was so out of control. Do i think he will change? No i dont. Hes done nothing towards recovery. I pray he does. I keep hope. I will always tell him i love him and what i think he needs to do when he comes home next month. He wont be coming here. It my turn now. He will have to go to a shelter or sober house. Me providing a home never stopped him before. This time he needs to build himself up from scratch.

i worked 36 years and broke my back giving it all to them. Now its on them. So yes im strong. That was my only option.

Dee....thats awesome for you. What a relief. I hope one day to post our success too. Thank you for sharing your story. It makes me realize there is always hope

Sorry for the typos. New technology haha

Thank you all for responding. You are all such good people!!
Do our addicts have any idea!!!
I do feel that because this disease is so strongly destructive that we need to equal that strength in the opposite way.
At this point, I feel like completely stay away from me until/if there is a complete/honest turnaround. If I could help them, I would --be I know I can't--their battle is within them. I know everyone has to deal with this their own way or what is best for them. I feel like any tolerance of addict insanity is not helping them at all or me.
I welcome all your thoughts!

I do wonder if the addicts think I hate them because I do hate that thing inside them that is destroying themselves and trying to destroy the family.
I do think the real person is still in there & only God can reach them (just my belief). If that real person does honestly make it back --I do believe it will be a miracle!

Destiny I know what you are saying. Just have faith and pray God will get him better. I did and prayed a long time with all of my being. There's hope. Just keep your faith.

Doing what we need to often goes against every maternal instinct. The mother in me wanted to scoop him up and nurse him back to health but I had to allow my arms and heart to ache when I lived "tough love" for his healing.

I remember his probation officer telling me how much he didn't want to disappoint me. I told her "he needs to not focus on me but his own disapointment. She felt his fear of hurting me would be a driving force in him getting help and she was right. Somewhere inside was also his desire to want more for his life but knowing my heart was breaking helped.

I know that's not true for all addicts. I strongly believe in not enabling and letting them suffer from their actions. I also believe that letting them know you'll move mountains to get them into rehab when they are ready. Or get them arrested if need be. My son committing a crime was the start of his life saving path 3 years ago.

I think you are spot on.
They don't want our help until they are ready to help themselves, and they will take anything we can give to stay wasted....we have to save ourselves.
and who knows? we may be the light at the end of their tunnel...
and we hope they join us on the sober side someday.