Families & Friends Of Addicts Support Group
Addiction affects more than just the individual. This community is dedicated to the families and friends of individuals suffering from any form of addiction. Mental health professionals are increasingly considering alcoholism and addiction as diseases that flourish in and are enabled by family systems. Family members react to the addicted person with particular behavioral...
Just thought I would start a conversation about the differences between the two. I think it's something we all struggle/struggled with as loved ones of an addict.
For me I made life easy for my son. I gave him money...drove him around because he kept screwing up his license. I overlooked him
Sleeping all day because he was coming down off his high. I was afraid to speak up and enforce the rules of my home for fear of him using and blaming me for making him use. I put a car in my name and on my insurance for him. I lied for him a few
Times. My gut always told me the things I was doing didn't help him. I was enabling. I ignored the mean things he said and the way he treated and disrespected me.
Now the difference for me is I support him in his recovery. I go to family groups. We communicate about his recovery and his steps. I talk about how I feel so good being able to focus on myself without always worrying about him OD'ing. I can offer (not feel obligated)
To give him a ride to a meeting. I can offer to buy him lunch out because I enjoy his company. I can expect him to respect my home and my rules. I can do things for him because I want to....not because I'm fearful. I can refuse money because it's not in his best interest. He doesn't make his recovery only about shutting me up and humoring me. And I now see the role I played in all this.
He's 82 days clean. He's working hard and not just talking the talk...he's walking the walk. I'm working hard too. He makes me want to be a better person. I now know I will never enable again. His life depends on it.
Anyone else care to share?
For me I made life easy for my son. I gave him money...drove him around because he kept screwing up his license. I overlooked him
Sleeping all day because he was coming down off his high. I was afraid to speak up and enforce the rules of my home for fear of him using and blaming me for making him use. I put a car in my name and on my insurance for him. I lied for him a few
Times. My gut always told me the things I was doing didn't help him. I was enabling. I ignored the mean things he said and the way he treated and disrespected me.
Now the difference for me is I support him in his recovery. I go to family groups. We communicate about his recovery and his steps. I talk about how I feel so good being able to focus on myself without always worrying about him OD'ing. I can offer (not feel obligated)
To give him a ride to a meeting. I can offer to buy him lunch out because I enjoy his company. I can expect him to respect my home and my rules. I can do things for him because I want to....not because I'm fearful. I can refuse money because it's not in his best interest. He doesn't make his recovery only about shutting me up and humoring me. And I now see the role I played in all this.
He's 82 days clean. He's working hard and not just talking the talk...he's walking the walk. I'm working hard too. He makes me want to be a better person. I now know I will never enable again. His life depends on it.
Anyone else care to share?
By respecting him as an adult, and not doing anything for him that he could do for himself....then, later on.....later, later on....I could occasionally be generous, just how I wanted to be with my daughter and son...with no differentiation between addict and non addict.
I am so very happy for him...and of course for you. Making it through this process changes them in a good way...he will be a different person, changed, and stronger. And you will be as well. Congrats!
You and she have been through so much. I hope she gets some help inside, and jumps on a support bandwagon when she gets out. Around here in NY there is a place called the Walter Hovan house for women who are getting away from hooking, drugs, abuse etc...maybe there will be a place like that for her.