Families & Friends Of Addicts Support Group

Addiction affects more than just the individual. This community is dedicated to the families and friends of individuals suffering from any form of addiction. Mental health professionals are increasingly considering alcoholism and addiction as diseases that flourish in and are enabled by family systems. Family members react to the addicted person with particular behavioral...

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Sunday Dinner

deehigs
deehigs
Just had Matt over for Sunday night dinner. He came late because he fell asleep after being up late last night.ok I remember when I was young and would stay up late then sleep half the next day. I guess I'm just a little sad because he comes here eats visits and leaves in an hour and a half. I wouldn't mind except the visit is awkward he doesn't really have too much to say but he looks good and I am happy about that. It seems like he is not doing anything wrong he is showing up for work on time every day which can be as early as 4 am so that is a good sign when I do speak to him on the phone at least once a day he sounds fine and clear headed. I guess I'm just used to worrying and don't know how to really shut it off.i am trying I guess it takes time. I am very grateful that I am where I am right now I know so many friends here are in a worse position than me I just get scared that I feel like he sees me as a trigger in some way because I know all the horrid details of what he's done in the past and I think he feels that I judge him. I swear to God I do not judge him he is my son and I will never judge him I see a young man that made some pretty big mistakes in his life but I see how he is trying to not continue those same mistakes. And I am so proud of him for that. Maybe I am just overly sensitive. My husband tells me when I was his age I didn't wAnt to be hanging out with my parents either. I'm sure that's true but sometimes I feel like he doesn't love us or maybe he just doesn't know how to relate to us anymore. Idk ??? Just feeling confused
blueviolet725
blueviolet725
I don't always know what to talk to my son about....and he only calls every month. really. But with the two funerals, he showed up and did his part and he helped my mom out for a day before I got here...never called to follow up on how things were going...guess he leaves that to me.
they are all grown up with their own lives. Hard to see where we fit in sometimes. So glad that he is doing well. and if they are young and still stupid? they are learning and growing as fast as they can. whew!
jainlor
jainlor
sometimes the less I talk to my son it seems the better it is. we seem to be able to talk better on chat. it is all part of the process of growing up and taking responsibility for their own lives. but after all the energy we spent "helping" them it seems we are a little lost.
cardinal39
cardinal39
Dee,, don't focus on your insecurities,, focus on your son being at that dinner table and sharing a meal with you,, it's not about the amount of time, it's about the quality of time,, your son is going to be who he is, not what "we want them to act like ",,, I'm very close with my 21 year old son,, but sometimes our conversation are short and to the point, whereas with my girls,, oh lordie the go into details, sometimes off track, that at some point of the conversation all I really can do is shake my head and smile like I know what they are talkin about,,

So my love bug,,,,,, dance, dance ,, shake your booty,,,

Does your husband talk to his mom everyday?,,,
When my mom was alive I talked to get twice a day,, my brother talk to her once a week,, did he love her less,, no,,

I want dinner with my family every Sunday,, does it always work out, not always,, sometimes it is once a month,,,

Matt is doing great, but momma just because he is clean,, he will always have that addiction,, he may feel uncomfortable at times, knowing that you saw him at his ugliest moment,,, it takes time to heal,, slowly let that happen,, don't feed into your thoughts,, the term go with the flow,,, and love every min of it,,,

Life is not measured on the breaths we take,, it's the moments that take our breath away!!

Live like it's your last day
Love like it's the first time
Laugh until your belly hurts
dmatt124
dmatt124
Dee, my son calls everyday, and to think you and I have our sons call everyday! Wow, that speaks volumes.....it is so hard because we have this fear, this stigma that is so deeply imbedded into our hearts. Each time I talk to Sean and something doesn't sit right, I try to step back, breath deep and say this is his life, he will make mistakes, he will screw up and god! He might even relapse, and all I can really do is love him and pray each day he chooses the right path, no different than what I want for my daughter, his twin, who doesn't not battle addiction. So Dee, we will always worry, because they are our children. You are doing great! And Matt is growing, xxoo
deleted_user
deleted_user
I was with my brother-in-law's (Jeff) family over Thanksgiving and for the fist time since his youngest son (now 29) was 12, he spent all kinds of time with us. Jeff said that typically for boys the family lightbulb doesn't come on until around age 30 or so. I don't think you should worry too much.