Families & Friends Of Addicts Support Group

Addiction affects more than just the individual. This community is dedicated to the families and friends of individuals suffering from any form of addiction. Mental health professionals are increasingly considering alcoholism and addiction as diseases that flourish in and are enabled by family systems. Family members react to the addicted person with particular behavioral...

1,905 Members

8,121 Posts

0 Online

marg6300 04/04/2013

I wrote last week how Justin was completely falling apart with depression and how I was so scared for him. Well he seems a little better this week. He spent about 4 days crying his eyes out and I think his emotions came on full force and scared the crap out of him. We all just kept reassuring him that this was normal and would not last forever and that we could not bear for something to happen to him now after all he had gone through and survived we were not going to lose him now. We went and found a meeting and I even went to one for myself and together we are going to start working the steps. I have not done this so this will be new to me but even though he has been doing intensive outpatient treatment ., he has not been doing meetings and I explained to him the only way he was going to meet others who could understand him and maybe be friends with him is through meetings. He still needs a sponsor so we are working on that. He does not have a cell phone and for us to let him have one is a huge step I'm not sure he can handle but on the other hand how can people reach out to him and offer support if they can't get ahold of him... I'm grappling with this one.... But overall he is little bit better and for that I am relieved cautiously optimistic.

blueviolet725 04/04/2013

Maybe make a deal, that if he goes to x number of meetings a week for x number of weeks, he gets a phone- if HE thinks he is ready.

I think he would feel better and less alone with some new sober friends too.
I never worked the steps either. read everything, went to some meetings...but those steps for my boy? priceless.

My daughter's boyfriend is doing a pay as you go from walmart, and no contract...you can even pay for up to a year ahead...and the more months you pay, the more the price goes down. (this is all second hand say so) but maybe that would be the place to go?

cardinal39 04/04/2013

Marge,,, relax ,,, the phone thing,, part of me says get him one,, thd other part says,,, if the good can reach out to him,,, so can the bad,,, remember he is an addict,,, and with an easy phone call,, everything you have worked so hard for,, can be gone in a blink,,,, just keep encouraging him to engage,, be cautious that you don't smother him,, part of recovery is being able to step out,, one step at a time,,,,

Hugs,,

deleted_user 04/04/2013

Marge I think you are doing a great job of handeling what could be a tricky situation. By showing him your support and reasuring him this is just another phase of his recovery should ease his worries . Your right in encouraging him to go to meetings and get a sponcer. It always helps when they hang out with people that are healthy and understand. PRAYERS

deleted_user 04/04/2013

Hi Marg been watching your posts and praying for you-all. Personally I think this is a huge break-through. As you know boys typically don't show much emotion and when their using it's 100x's less so for him to get to that point shows he's starting to feel again and that in itself is a wonderful thing.

You're doing a teriffic job guiding and being there for him. Hang in there and keep the faith. Hugs Cyndee

kimpalmer 04/04/2013

I am glad to hear that he is doing better. You are an amazing mom Marg...stay strong to you too. Continuing to pray for Justin for sure.

dmatt124 04/05/2013

Marg, I am so happy to hear that Justin is progressing. You are doing an amazing job. I just witnessed the power of " the Program" and working the steps with my son this past weekend. The best way to describe the meetings, sponsorship and also being a sponsor ( one day at a time) it is like having arms embraced around you all the time, it becomes a physical safety net of humans. Its' really difficult what to do and not to do, I think once he has embraced AA or NA he will need to connect with the people who can support him so perhaps until that happens, maybe put it on hold. And I think blue has a great idea with the pay as you go. Hugs, to you and Justin, and your always in my prayers.

marg6300 04/05/2013

thank you guys I think I am going to hold off with the phone. Maybe once he starts going to meetings and actually makes some sort of connection with someone we can revisit the phone thing... and Cardinal I am not smothering him. He was gone from our lives for so long and now that hes back he is the one pulling me in and since he has noone else I am trying to be there for him emotionally until he finds others. as I've said before he is so incrediably shy and opens up to nobody, so for him to be opeing up to us his family is a huge deal and the chance of smothering him is impossible.. This boy was shut down emotionally for years to us its all new and at times for him quite scary. Yes he is leaning on me hard right now but I am so happy to be here for him.

katrinka 04/05/2013

I agree with you on the cell phone. If he really wants one he will work for it. He is not a kid anymore and its his responsibility to get and pay for the phone.

deehigs 04/05/2013

Marg. you are doing great. So glad things have improved since your last post. Keep it up Justin we are all rooting for you ! Dee

Join the Conversation