So, Happy July! I was hoping July would bring me MY independence day. Independent from watching our son just continue to struggle getting his life back together. His jail time stint, the one he took for his then GF, the little (insert bad name here)....it was her stuff, and he took the 'hit' for her...so much for love eh? So now it is haunting him in trying to get an apartment, a job...a life....and he is remorseful for sure, but it will not change anything. He has lost opportunity after opportunity because of it. If I could wring her little neck I would and take the jail time myself. Must be nice when your Grandfather is a detective and has pull in the department to not right a wrong that was done.
*letting go, letting go*....

He spends a few nights here, if that, but is working with his new GF at a local golf club as a line cook. And I know how hard it is for him to get there, without a license and all. AND our state is SO backed up at the DMV, that there are no testings and they only book till end of Aug....so he can't even get a road test date to get his license back...so much for just taking his license for a year, he paid the 1,000.00 to get it back and they make him road test to get it, another 70.00 LOVE our state, NOT. So much red tape for 4 months spent in jail.

Anyhow....I just want him to get out on his own and make his own way in this world, the tension when he is here literally makes me ill. My joints start hurting, I get stomach aches....yeah I know all depression symptoms, and I try to deal with them the best I can, I know it's coming, but it still happens.

And to boot, at my job, I deal with the public in retail and people just suck, they are mean, they steal, nothing like catching 12 year olds stealing bathing suits...really? Or the woman that is trying to return something she has had for over a year and worn to the bitter end....and yelling telling me what an ass I am....so with all this going on, I just need a vacation...but WAIT, I can't GO anywhere because the kid is still here....wth????

So, he KNOWS he has to get out, he is working on it. And when the day FINALLY comes, I am booking the first flight to anywhere I can afford and have a vacation, breath and relax...

As Kim, the wise one, says, I am putting it in Gods' hands, I have let go, but I still have to 'watch' for right now, I just want the day when I don't have to watch and can paint another pic in my mind, and not the dark hole that I live in day to day..

Now I have a friend that found out the guy she is in a relationship with for just about a year, is addicted to oxy's. She doesn't know my plight, nor will I tell her about it, but it kills me to see people struggling with this, with the addictions of others....the heartbreak, the worrying....

Well, I'm hoping an independence day for everyone. I'm praying that one day we won't have to deal with all this, but I doubt that will EVER happen.....

I pray that God will guide my Son into a life that is totally worth living and enjoyable.

That's it, other than that, all is well, I've celebrated 12 years with hubby, 9 years in our house, hubbies 52nd birthday been a busy month...

Happy July 4th all!
K