I am still here, and have come to one conclusion. June 24th can't come soon enough for me. That is the date I gave our son to move out. He has had SO many opportunities come his way and Lord knows I want to 'believe' him but I don't. I just do NOT believe a word out of his mouth anymore. Mothers' Day, as usual (this is NOT something new) was AWFUL. I lost my Mom 2 years ago, my BF! And it is a hard day, more than regular days. I was SUPPOSED to go to my in-laws for a great cook out, but in the am, our son came up, NEVER said "happy mothers' day', just talked about crap....I was REALLY pissed. I took a shower, came out, he says 'I made breakfast for you' told him I wasn't hungry. I had no idea that was my MD present! So my hubby went without me, I was NOT good company, anything sent me into a crying jag, which is rare as I normally do NOT cry over ANYTHING! So later in the day the kid comes up to me and asks whats wrong....WELL, I let him know....he can find money for cigarettes and anything ELSE that he wants, but he couldn't take TWO minutes to get a card 'i don't have any money and i made you breakfast for mothers day and you shot me down'....WELL, if you said 'HAPPY MOTHERS DAY I made you breakfast' THAT may have eleviated all the crap...he says 'I didnt think I needed to SAY it'.....oh okay, in WHAT household did you grow up? Not to mention my hubby NEVER acknowledges me on mothers day either, mind you both his parents are still alive, mine are gone. So it was a crappy day.

But the kid tells me he's clean....yeah, I don't believe that either. I know it sounds cold and I didn't expect a present, nor do i need one, i just wanted a hug and a 'happy mothers day' and feel appreciated! Christmas was the same, he never took the time to get a card or a gift for anyone! It's the principal, it's the knowing that he took time to THINK about us, but he doesn't....so ya know what? I'm DONE thinking about him....

So today starts the NEW ME! I usually waited to do my household chores till the 'house was awake' but too bad, 6 am, I'm up, the dishes need putting away, the laundry needs to get done and I'm up so THE HOUSE IS UP! They will BOTH have to deal with it!

I have told him that he needs to get a dual diagnosis, that he has something going on, one minute he's up, the next he's on the bottom, he has ideas of 'grandure' that don't make sense. He doesn't have 'straight thought process'.....and the SCARIER part? He has NO idea how much he is like his birth father. He is EXACTLY like him and THAT is hard to deal with. I left that behind me only to find he's back in form of my son. The scheming, the BIG IDEAS...there is NOTHING wrong with dreaming, but he takes it to a whole new level. I believe he is Bi-Polar, and I've told him, his birth father is bi-polar....he has FULL MEDICAL through the VA....WHAT is stopping him? At one point I THOUGHT I had him ready to make the appointment and get this resolved once and for all, but nope. Like he said 'It's MY LIFE'....WELL....not as long as he is living HERE>

I am driving him nuts, I ask him who is on the phone (it is MY HOUSE PHONE)....I heard a conversation and got ticked he told me it's none of my business 'while your under MY roof and using MY phone it sure as HELL is MY BUSINESS!".......

I WILL be on him like ZORRO! I will ASK, I will poke and prodd and if he is THAT uncomfortable MOVE OUT SOONER!

I remind him every OTHER DAY that June 24th is fast approaching and I do NOT see him working on finding a job OR a place..."don't worry, I got this..." Yeah? Told him when that day comes, if he has NOT found a place, he WILL find his belongings on the sidewalk.

I want my life back...

MORAL OF THE STORY: If you have THROWN them out, if you want YOUR life back, do NOT GIVE IN TO EMPATHY! Do NOT LET THEM BACK IN YOUR HOME...no matter WHAT!

I haven't posted in a bit as I'm embarrassed, even with you guys, I feel taken advantage of. I feel I was dupped. But I'm DONE being embarrassed! I made a mistake and I'm ticked at myself.

Thanks for reading my vent!