I send prayers to you to keep strong and focused . My son is in rehab for alcoholism. Day 17. Send him names of treatment places and your hopes for his beating his addiction. You keep strong and know, you didn't cause it, you can't control it and you can't cure it. Peace to you and yours.

He may just need time to process what U have said and that U are standing your ground this time, I personally think it takes a long time for the drugs and/or alcohol to filter out and for the brain chemistry to rebalance......I'm certainly no expert, but when my addict had a hand held breathalizer, he would test after a big meal and 10-12 hours of sleep and still be blowing VERY hot....it is amazing what even a few beers do to the system, can't even imagine waht it must take for drugs to exit the body completely.
Keep the faith and keep ur boundaries Love, ur doing the right thing even if it doesn't feel very right at times :)

Hi Marg - please know I'm right there with you in body, heart & spirit. Yesterday I too sent my jail-bound son the same type of letter that basically sends the same message as your's. But unlike you who seems to be more optimistic I'm frankly not expecting much b/c my son is too young (18) and too stupid and too dependent on his drug of choice to ever give them up. Guess I'm more pessimistic then most people - think its probably some type of built-in defense mechanism? But no matter how emotional or doubtful we are over our decision to set rules and boundaries we need to remember it's one of the few things we have that's in our power to control so we can protect ourselves against the backlash of their baggage (usage). Stay strong and know I'm also in the boat with you.

Give it more time. It takes a really long time for the brain to get clear thinking and even then if he has other mental issues those are still present. I think I read 40% of addicts are dual diagnosis and they are self medicating to help whatever is wrong with them.
I hope in letter you let him know you love him and if he isn't using be it even a couple of days you will talk with him and see him. If he is using at the moment wait until he is sober. Many addicts do not get sober and stay stay it is a slow progress for some. But addicts who have the support and love of their families get sober faster then those who are tossed away.

Just going to warn you,,, jail does not make the warm and fuzzy, in fact it kinda makes them grow really tough,, I know when my daughter was there for six months, I did see her once a week,,, I had thus certain perception that she would come out all better ,,,, wrong,, they spend 24 hrs with other tough people, that give their advice , and they spend long hours of just thinking,,,,, most deffinetly jail made her not use, she certainly was not clean,,, addict will always have that " thinking process " unless they go to counseling and work a recovery program,, the drug use us only thd symptom ov the addiction,,, has others have said give it time,,, absoulty set boundaries, if it is possible for you, go and visit him,, so he can visually see you,,, tough love does not mean not loving,,, support his recovery,, not his addictions,,, when an addict is not using,,, they know what they have done wrong, what they need to do,,, so keep conversation to 15 words, otherwise your repeating,,, from my experience,, suggesting works best, this they almost feel like its their decision,, thd brain of an addict does not work like ours,,,

Unless the addict wants to go to rehap , you can threaten all you want,,, it's just empty air,,,

Hugs,,, I've been there!

What Cardnal said about expressing your love is true. It's the one thing I made sure to say to my son BUT I also told him that unless things change drastically with him I'll have to love him at a distance. It's the only way I'll know if he's serious about kicking his habit and protecting my heart at the same time.

Yup. Send love. Say you are thinking of him, and I sent a short story or jokes in my letters...You said what needed to be said, now just show support and wait. He could be playing tough, or just scared. Love never hurts

He is there until August at the very least so I have time to write more letters and tell him that I love him. He knows I mean business when I say no rehab no family. Before he was arrested he had been out on the streets using for a year with very little contact with family. Its just when he was clean in the past he was always very in touch with the family. I just worry that this time he is moving away from his family emotionally.Like he is letting me know yep i pick drugs over the family even when I have had a chance to get clean... and he is deciding this while he is clean....
its kind of breaking my heart all over again.....

Unfortunately yes, for those of us waiting it's a heart-breaking ordeal that never seems to end. My son was arrested for the 1st time as an adult on June 1st. He's been sitting in jail now for 22 days but it's not his first time in lock-up; more like his 7th or 8th as all but this one stem from his juvenile days (he's only 18) and we figure he was adequately warned and probably used to it by now. Yes, he could be home with us but because he's unrepentent toward his drug use & criminal behavior and he needs to fight/work to get his freedom back. Also, I fear that by setting him loose he'd just screw himself over even more; besides, the Court slapped a $60K bail on him and I'm not paying one more cent until he cleans up his act. It's like that poem Kat posted several days ago says, until they decide to change nothing ever will. Our hearts and emotions are pretty fragile at times like this and I think we need to be extra cautious and think things through carefully before we act. I pray your son will decide deep down inside himself that he wants his family and will take the steps to make that happen.