(((mom)) I know this hurts you deeply. We want for our children to get well in their recovery. I think the important thing to remember is this. Addiction is not something that anyone "controls" , meaning that your son may VERY WELL MEAN that he wants to stop, intends to stop, but because this is a disease we have also learned that we cannot "scare them straight." I am not saying that things won't make an impression on those struggling with drugs and alcohol, but getting to the root of living life without drugs and or alcohol is the tough work.

For me, I would probably insist that he have some drug support group and or counseling, so that he knows what to do to live his life without a substance.

Just some thoughts. I don't want you to feel if he relapses that it is a pre-meditated thing or that he was lying. AT the time that the addict says they won't use, they often mean it 100 percent, until that stinkin thinkin takes over and all reasoning goes out the window where addiction is concerned.

I also want to give you hope and inspiration, so I don't know if my words are just right here (it is early in the am)...I just think we have to look at the big picture so we are not surprised.

Said with love, and I am sending up some blessings for you and your loved ones..
EllaBlue

Oh My Goodness! This is a page out of my book. I feel for you so deeply. Almost word for word, your son has said the same things my son did. My son is 24 and is at approx. 35 days of sobriety and clean. He did have one relapse. Not major, but still a relapse. My son said the same things about stopping drugs. He made it only four days at rehab. I thought all the same things...maybe this scared him to death. I just want to tell you that every person/child is different. Maybe your son is like mine, he loves his family so much and is willing to do anything to get clean. We (my husband and I) set down strict guide lines for him to continue to be at our home. Our son is expected to stay clean (we drug test) is basically on house arrest, goes to a intensive outpatient treatment group, goes to NA/AA meetings and is also seeing a psychologist. We took the road of using every resource we could. It's good that you are seeing that your son at 16 has a problem. It's not too late. I don't know if you are a spiritual person. If you are a book called 21 REASONS BAD THINGS HAPPEN TO GOOD PEOPLE. It helped me so much!!!!!! I will lift many prayers up for you and your family. Please feel free to e-mail me if I can be of any support. God Bless You.

mom.
Well it sure is a drag he could'nt hang with the program. Coming down off drugs is a tough thing. My son swore after 45 days of being sober that he would'nt do drugs again. Two weeks later RELASP. I know it's hard but try to remember that this was not your choice it was his. You can't make anybody do anything they dont want to do. You can send them to rehabs and programs and wish and hope but in the end they have to want to change. EllaBlue always has the right words I usually feel better after reading her advise. It's hard but he's not a little boy anymore. He's a young man and he's making his own choices. There is nothing you can do but pray he'll change. I would not enable him anymore. No cell ect...
Make him earn his own stuff.
Why should he have a cell and other things when he treats you this way? Also get some drug tests and find ou what drugs he was really on. It sounds like he was withdrawing on something. It's hard to hear but pot and booze dont make you act the way he was acting the last few months. I wish you luck. GOD BLESS

Hi mom, I am so sorry to hear you are going through this. MY heart goes out to you, all parents, who have to deal with addiction.
I dont really have an exact answer to your question, but I can share with you my experience, as a recovering alcoholic and drug addict.
Unfortunately, this disease is very powerful, and usually, we dont recover until we hit our bottom. Pain is our gratest motivator... I got sober when I had nothing left.. I ended up all alone in a room, drinking and drugging by myself for months... and I couldnt stop. And I didnt want to live anymore... I got sober because I didn't want to feel that pain anymore... I went to a detox and then to AA. That worked for me... I don't know what is going to work for your son, but I can tell you for sure that staying sober is a lot of work. IT'S A DAILY PROGRAM.
I dont want to dissapoint you, but your son will not stay sober unless he keeps working on his sobriety. And he has to do that for himself. He has to want to stay sober. Try to remember, about this disease, you didn't cause it, you can't control it, you cant fix it.
Try going to Al Anon meetings. You will meet people who are going through the same things... And pray... I will keep you and your family in my prayers..

Mom.. we as mothers want so much to believe what our children tell us. But we are not dealing with our children, we are dealing with drugs. Ella and everyone else on this board is right - at the time - addicts mean every word they say - or every word they say is the drug talking. Even if it's been weeks since they have used. Please google PAWS (Post addiction withdrawal symdrone, or Post accute withdrawal symdrone) I promise you will not like what you learn, but you need to understand what you and your son are facing. Your words say, "he is an emotional wreck." Yes, they usually are.. they don't know how to cope with real life except to create drama and hopefully manipulate the situation to an outcome they want - usually not what is bet for them or those they should love. When they use drugs, they aren't facing the world, they are escaping.
At times, the best thing we can do is to help them hit bottom faster.
My prayers are with you.

wow! The advice and support I'm getting from you all is so awesome! I looked up PAWS and yes...that IS my son. Now I understand where all this emotion is coming from. He told me he hated it so much in that place but couldn't explain to me nor his friends exactly why he was so depressed and feeling so "crazy". I wish my husband didn't allow my son to manipulate him by taking him home. But there isn't anything I can do about that right now. Perhaps the phone call the rehab center and the police made to the judge may bring our court date up so that my son will have more support.

I really wish the rehab center could have told us about PAWS. My son was having a terrible time sleeping, too. It really would have helped us, had we known.