I read in a book that people who are in active addiction are emotionally unavailable. Then in my case you throw in the Borderline Personality Disorder and this person is incapable of putting anyone before themselves and when addicted it worst. They can get help, very few do. Since recent studies show a lot of chronic addicts have other underlying mental conditions I wonder how many of those could ever have a real relationship where they are unselfish and put the person they love first.
A study was done years ago with men and infidelity. They found that some men would have affairs no matter what the circumstances. Other men said they were attracted to the opposite sex but because they love the person they are with more they would not cheat on that person.
My ex now says he took me and his latest gf hostage. He's sober at the moment but still self centered and I finally choose to be done with his cheating, drugging butt.

And therein lies the problem...very few get help. My ex witnessed his father beat his sister to death and it has scarred emotionally. In fact, I have had several doctors tell me he needs in-patient mental treatment along with drug rehab. But every time he goes for "help" he refuses to address his issues. There is also a big difference between abstaining and being sober. Sobriety is not drinking and drugging, but also doing something to change your life. Getting some kind of help. And, as I've been told by recovering addicts, they were incapable of a "normal" relationship while using. Even though I miss my ex (and the man he was, since I knew him from the time he was 11), I also could not deal with the life of living with an active addict ever again. And even when I falter, I get reminders of what that life was like.