Families & Friends Of Addicts Support Group

Addiction affects more than just the individual. This community is dedicated to the families and friends of individuals suffering from any form of addiction. Mental health professionals are increasingly considering alcoholism and addiction as diseases that flourish in and are enabled by family systems. Family members react to the addicted person with particular behavioral...

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cantdoitaloneanymore 02/11/2013

So yesterday my 19 yr old son admitted to stealing meds from me and seemed to be remorseful. Problem is I've hard all this before. "I want to do better Mama, I'm done with the pills. I miss my daddy so much" (dad passed away suddenly when my son was almost 16). He also said he was moving out of my house in about a month. He just started a part-time job this weekend and needs time to save some money.I know he is not emotionally or financially able to take care of himself but I'm not going to try and stop him. Maybe he needs to find out how hard it is to make it in this world. I did tell him he needed to keep going to the counselor because sooner or later he was going to have to deal with this addiction/abuse/use or whatever you want to call it. We both cried during this conversation and it took everything I had in me not to grab him and hug him. In my eyes he's still my baby.

cardinal39 02/11/2013

Grab and hug him has many times had you can,,, love your son,, but hate the addict,., your most deffinetly has alot of issues to deal with, loosing a dad suddenly at young age is difficult,,, I also lost my dad suddenly 16 years ago, although I was 30,, the Paine was horrible,, my brother was on 17 when my dad left,,he coukd of gone in the same direction your son did,,, but he choose not to,,, that's my point ,,,, yes we face everyday life with challenges,,, your son most deffinetly needs to continue to seek help for his issues,, his addiction will never go away,,, he must learn how to desk with them,,, not saying your son was remorse full, by admitting to you,,, but did he care when he was not caught,,, this is a form of manipulation an addict is so good at,,,
If he can't live by thd boundaries in your home,, then perhaps it's best he establishes his own dwelling place ,,, and will see exactly what he has,,

Don't stop loving your son,,, just stop giving into the addict,, that is what detaching means

Stay focus momma,, you will be amazed at the strength that comes from that

dmatt124 02/12/2013

I couldn't agree more with Kim, hug, hug, hug him to death, while you have the moment. He needs those hugs more than you do ( believe it or not) I wouldn't comment on his moving out at all. Just let him know what the bounaries are, stick to them. Is he in an outpatient program? I remember the tears and how lost they can be, but don't let the tears give in, it's worth repeating love your son, not the addict. good luck.

deehigs 02/13/2013

My situation is nearly identical to yours. 19 yr old son started w pills ended up on H . When i first found out i thought i can save him i now know thats not true only he can do that. i have been told soooo many times too i promise mom i wont do it anymore only to be let down over and over again. I do think part of them means it when they say it but the addict part is so much stronger when they are not in recovery that they end up doing it again. i just wanted you to know I understand what youre dealing with. And my advice on the moving out is like Dee said just remain neutral if he is not breaching his boundaries you have set. my son was on deaths door this time last year he has come a very long way he has not used H since sept. but he has used other drugs a couple of times i am not any happier about that than i was about the H but I have set my boundaries and will not bend anymore . he also claims he is moving out and I have mixed feelings like you but in the end it is not my choice he will do what he wants So hang in there We understand will keep you both in my prayers. Dee

jainlor 02/13/2013

I agree with the others....stand by him, support him in his recovery and hug and love him a lot. my son said if it wasn't for our love and support he doesn't know where he'd be. and after all the lying, stealing, deceit, he knew he could come to us and tell us he needed help finally....and we were there cause we hated the addiction but kept loving him. The demon is too strong for them to fight alone....

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