In my experience, your gut is right. There seem to be too many small lies.. Of course you want to believe him, but addicts lie. Bottom line. And I know all too well the feeling of realizing you were being lied to but bought it in order to give them the benefit of the doubt.
Stick to your gut.. you only have past behavior to go on. He has to earn that trust back and he isn't doing it. My heart goes out to you and your family... Good luck. Don't let him make you think that you are going crazy or that its in your head!! And don't try to rationalize with him! Addicts are so manipulative and convincing. Be Firm.
Hugs!

I'll try to share with you some of my experience:

I find that when I go with my gutt, I am usually right. When I think somebody is lying to me, they usually are. Trust your feelings. Trust yourself.

Also, addicts are great liars. We lie even if we dont' have to lie. It's part of the disease. Also, we are great manipulators. We tell you exactly what you want to hear, we can be sweet, nice cute... we do whatever we need to do to cover our inappropriate actions. That kind of behaviour doens't bring anything good. One has to get completely honest with himself and the people around them in order to get sober and stay sober.

It's hard to deal with a situation like that. In my case, with my boyfriend's recent relapses.. he tried to play the same games with me.
The way I deal with it: if I suspected something, I waited until I was absolutely sure and then I comfronted him. And I had a one way conversation, meaning, I told him I don't need any answers from him and that I know what the truth is. And I told him that the purpose of the conversation is to tell him how I feel. And I expressed my feelings: 'I am angry. I am angry because you are lying to me and I don't think I deserve to be treated that way...'. Say what you want to say and walk away. Let him sit with it. Also, when you talk to him, try to keep the focus on yourself. Instead of saying 'YOu make me feel.. etc', say: 'I feel like etc etc when you do this'. If you keep the focus on yourself and you speak about yourself he can't say much because he cannot deny your feelings.

I hope this helps. My heart goes out to you. You are going to be ok. HUgs....

I would say you have right to be concerned. My son is an addict, in recovery for 16 months, but he has to get the signatures and hold a job. He spent 12 months at a live in rehab. Their goal was to keep them too busy to get into trouble and also to relearn their life. He has absolutely NO contact with drug using friends. He can never again and thankfully, now he realizes this. Take good care, Sharon

He was great for the first 2 weeks returning but from rehab but now we're all slipping back into our old habits. He is angry much of the time because of the "restrictions" we've put on him. I don't like where we're headed -- even with a counselor working with us. Our son has a very strong personality and he argues about everything. Finding a job is difficult yet he is refusing to do his community service he's required to do. I want to put on his contract that he has to do some volunteering or no cell phone. The counselor we have (he actually comes to our house) is pretty laid back. I want more support. Husband isn't very at this discipline - follow through stuff....

I am assuming the community service is court ordered? If he does not complete his hours in the alloted timeframe, it will be considered a violation and he could go to jail. That is exactly what my boyfriend is facing right now. If his probation is revoked it will mean 18 months straight time. You may want to remind your son that court ordered rules are different from parent rules and his breaking them could result in serious consequences. You have my sympathy - I know it's like talking to a brick wall! Good Luck, I hope things begin to change for you! {HUGS}

Actually, the community service hours were an alternative to suspension at school. He had reached his limit regarding suspensions so that was the creative idea of the assistant principal. If he chooses not to do the hours he can stay after school on a certain day each week instead. He tells me that is what he'd rather do. I wanted him to do the hours to keep him busy but I have no control of his choices.....

I think your gut instinct is right on, he took the money, he is not attending AA as required and he is not doing his community service. He is going to have to learn the hard way. He has got to experience the consequences, whatever they are.

Unfortunately, an addict does not care that they are breaking the hearts of those that love them.

Keep with the family counseling, and try Alanon or Naranon.

One is the other characteristics of alcholics and addicts is that we are very defiant and very arrogant. We only start to recover when he become humble, when due to our using, we go through so much pain that we can't take it anymore and we become willing to do anything in order to stay sober. I'm a really sorry to say this, but it doesnt sound that your son has reached that point... He wants to do it his way, the easy way out... He can definitely try and see what the outcome is.

This is the ONLY disease where in order to help somebody you have to let them go. Let them suffer the consequences of their actions. Otherwise, they will not stop. Why would they?

This disease is so powerful that for alcoholics the number one things are alcohol and drugs. And they will only stop using when they've had enough pain... when they realize how seriuos the consequences are.

In order to stay sober, your son has to have the willingness to stay sober. And unfortunately, nobody can do that but himself. You can't make him do the right thing. No matter how much you try. You cant control the situation.
But there are a few things you can do:
- learn about this disease so that you can protect yourself from it and to learn how to deal with the situation
- ask yourself what do you want, what do you find acceptable and what you dont find acceptable
- once you can define that, learn how to set bounderies and stick to them
- don't say 'yes' when you mean 'no'

Go to Al Anon, read literature. I've been going through a very hard time since my boyfriend relapsed... But I'm learning more and more that the only way to help the situation is by focusing on ME. And as I get better, he gets better too.
I hope this helps. If you need anything, please let me know, I will do my best to help. HUGS...