Families & Friends Of Addicts Support Group
Addiction affects more than just the individual. This community is dedicated to the families and friends of individuals suffering from any form of addiction. Mental health professionals are increasingly considering alcoholism and addiction as diseases that flourish in and are enabled by family systems. Family members react to the addicted person with particular behavioral...
so i got a message from my ex fiance, recovering addict.
he told me he will be forever thankful for having known me.. and because he knew me he said he had been changed for good.
he used the lines of "for good" one of the songs in Wicked the musical.
I know i can not make any more speculations about what he truly meant with the msg, what his intentions are, things i will never figure, unless he openly and directly speaks about it.
But friends, what's weird is that I asked a specific sign from God. and he did not meet my deadline. I was specific with God this time. he was 13 hours late. but actually he had 8 months of not contacting me... a whole 8 months of opportunity to just say hi. I told God that if i hear from him past my deadline, there's no looking back.
But here i am, bothered. i still do love him. but i have made a covenant with God. and Love does not need to be confusing. God does not send confusing messages. I dont need to be confused.
The msg of my ex didn't sound as if he still wants me in his life. he just said thanks. i know that took some effort on his part. But i know i shd stop making excuses for him, nor rescuing him, to do better. to do the best.
appreciate your thoughts. A delightful 2015 friends!
he told me he will be forever thankful for having known me.. and because he knew me he said he had been changed for good.
he used the lines of "for good" one of the songs in Wicked the musical.
I know i can not make any more speculations about what he truly meant with the msg, what his intentions are, things i will never figure, unless he openly and directly speaks about it.
But friends, what's weird is that I asked a specific sign from God. and he did not meet my deadline. I was specific with God this time. he was 13 hours late. but actually he had 8 months of not contacting me... a whole 8 months of opportunity to just say hi. I told God that if i hear from him past my deadline, there's no looking back.
But here i am, bothered. i still do love him. but i have made a covenant with God. and Love does not need to be confusing. God does not send confusing messages. I dont need to be confused.
The msg of my ex didn't sound as if he still wants me in his life. he just said thanks. i know that took some effort on his part. But i know i shd stop making excuses for him, nor rescuing him, to do better. to do the best.
appreciate your thoughts. A delightful 2015 friends!
Maybe it was a sign? If you need more reinsurance - pray and wait.
Your ex fiance still has a very long journey ahead of him before he should be trusted by anyone, anyway. His behavior will help you see if there is a chance. But that will take a long time - he needs to prove himself.
In the meantime - focus on yourself. Ruminating over this is not healthy. Attend Al Anon, Let Go and Let God, and pray the Serenity Prayer often.
Peace to you
that he was grateful for you in his life...that you made a positive difference. PERIOD.
I think he is done and you should go with your head on this one.
I think, in my humble opinion, that he was saying good bye.
wish him well, move on. New year, new start.
And feel good for all you did, and know that you have so much loyalty and love to give when the right person comes into your life in the future.
And who ever that person is....they will appreciate it during...not after.
You do not know what stage of "recovery" he is in. Either way..unless the guy has 5 years sober he should not be let back into your life to reak havoc on whatever sanity you have established. 5 years should be your next time line with God and in the meantime, try to move on with your life. I know you LOVE him. Or is it pity for him? Or is it you LOVE who you think he can be? He isn't that person yet....can't be in that short of time 8 months. So do what is best for you...try to find people who are healthy and include them in your life. In the meantime hit the delete button on that e-mail so it is not a constant reminder....or temptation.
As Tony Evans once said, "If God has given you an answer or an instruction, what makes you think HE changed HIS mind?"
I hope I haven't caused further confusion with my reply!
i don't have to rescue him right? even addicts, when they truly know what they want, will do all means to do the right thing with their loved one right?
i'm torn between keeping quiet and reaching out- should i consider that it is his permanent handicap of not being able to reach out and express exactly what he wants?
the song he sent me starts with the lines:
"im limited... im limited...you can do all i could not do.. so now it's up to you.. for both of us.. now it's up to you..."
i can give all the way. but is that sustainable in a relationship?