oh dee I know you would never intend to attack anyone. I think we parents of addicts feel enough self condemnation and wondering where we went wrong...even when it's not our fault...and half the world blames the parents...why do you think I talk on this group instead of the real world...because the real world many people still blame the parents.
there are so many things I would have done different had I known what I know today....but I didn't know....so it is what it is. I personally know how hard it is to be a parent of an addict...it's got to be the hardest thing in the world watching your child self destruct and not being able to stop them. so we pray ..and seek comfort from others who understand first hand

Dee I agree with Janlor wholeheartedly. This is a very emotional subject but a good topic to get our feelings aired. As a mother of an addict and an drug abuser ( borderline addict ) I am crushed as I stand by watching them make one disasterous decision after another. It's like watching your sons standing on a railroad track with their backs to the oncoming train and your screaming out the warnings but they don't hear you and it's literally terrifying because their consequences also directly impact your life in a myriad of negative ways in addition to your heartbreak over them, your own flesh and blood. These are men that I held as babies and dreamed dreams for only to see those dreams destroyed.

And to add insult to injury I have to walk around listening to my friends glow about how great their children turned out while one of mine sits in prison. All the while hoping and praying they don't ask me how my families doing!

If that is not enough I hear ignorant comments blaming the home of origin for the problems. While that may sometimes be true, my own sons will tell you that is not true in their case.

I professionally take care of children and I seen many a child come from homes with parents who are barely interested and messed up and they turn out fine! Then I see the exact opposite and those kids are messed up. I'm soo confused and discouraged about this. It is definitely not what I imagined parenthood would turn out like when I rocked my only two babies.
Cindy

Dee you're a rock and a great person to have by my side when all the chips are down. Try not to beat yourself up over things b/c as already mentioned, we're here to help one another and sometimes, opinions get in the way. None are wrong and quite a few are right. So from the bottom of my heart, thanks for being you.

Just some perspective from my situation, I am married to an addict and I do blame my husband's parents. They have been alcoholics his whole life and continue to drink despite his struggles. I haven't participated much on the board lately, but I do try not to let it affect how I see parents of addicts here as I know that is not everyone's situation. And to be fair, I know my husband shares the blame as well. I wasn't involved in the other post, but just wanted to share my thoughts. And although my husband is doing very well in his recovery, it terrifies me to imagine any of our children becoming an addict. I can not imagine how hard that must be.

Thank you all for your reply I want you all to know I do stand by my original comments that addiction can happen to anyone regardless of their upbringing as in my case when my son did not get brought up by alcoholics or drug addict parents but still managed to become one himself . Don't get me wrong I completely agree that it is detrimental to raise children in such an environment but even being raised in the best circumstances does not guarantee anything . Dee

I agree,,,,, I do beleive children are a product of their enviorment, but their are some cases, where it baffles me, such as mine,,,, peer pressure, loosing ones self esteem, loosing self-respect,, trying to keep up with the unknown,, those too are reasons,,,

being a parent of an addicit,,, we tend to defend ourselves,, ( especially when our child grew up in envrioment, along with their siblings, that even the thought of drug use would enter our lifes seems like a mystery),,,,, I've used the phrase many times,,,,, " when your child, comes to you tomorrow, addicited,,, call me up, and I will be more then happy to share my experiences, and you will understand the frusturation, depression, aggravation, I've been through,,, untill then, please just pray, for my addicit",,,

this group has brought me to a spot in my life,, not sure I could of gotten to,,,, its not about who we are,, or what we are,, it's about how we are,, drug addicition is not prejudice, does not judge,, therefore at the end of the day,,, all of us are the same,,,, heartbroken, able to give love and support to one another,,to be excepted by others that undersand,, is priceless,,,

we can not change what yesterday was, only believe tommorw will bring an hopefull today,,,,

love ya

Dee you are remarkable mom, wife, sister, mom and Friend. I fully support your sentiments, and honestly I stopped posting because I started to see that statements that were being made were untrue and starting to become perception and not reality. No one will ever, ever know what a mom goes through with a child of an addict. We come here to vent, share, laugh, and mostly so we are not judged or blame. God knows we have enough of that. Thank you my friend, for all you give this group.

Since I am the person in question I will say I used a poor choice of wording about the three c's. For some parents they did everything right and still their child starts to dabble in drugs and then they become addicted and hopefully will outgrow their addictions. Only time will tell.
For others growing up where parents are addicts and this is a normal life style to them; although they say they will never do drugs or drink many still end up going down the road, That was my whole point. You think I do not know how it is to have a child that is addicted, I have a daughter that gave me a lot of grief. To this day she apologizes for the crap she did in her teen years and college years and I know it was from her father dragging her to bars and letting her drive him home when she was only 12 among other situations. Now that she is 31 she is doing good, has a family and very happy. She thankfully out grew her drug abuse, but I do share the blame in her struggles. I do not shrink away from it nor do I let it keep me up at night. I just acknowledge that I wish I would of known how staying in a relationship with an addict could set my children up for the same life I had to live and that was my whole point.
I also want to say I grew up in an alcoholic home, the oldest and had to be responsible for you younger sister and brothers. Although many of my friends and family would think I did great, facing all I had to endure, but the truth is when you grow up in families like that you learn to keep secrets and you trust no one, you do not tell anyone how you really feel because you spent a whole childhood keeping things to yourself. So just because the person seem all fine and well on the outside it does not mean on the inside they aren't suffering, they just have learned to covered up their true feeling.

Katrina I am sorry for what you have been through I am sure growing up with two alcoholic parents had to have been extremely difficult . Although I grew up with an alcoholic father my mother was always sober and really the anchor of our family so I always had her to be there for me. I'm not sure what my life would have been if I didn't have a stable parent. Also I'm not saying I didn't make mistakes with raising my 3 kids of course I did we all have . Hindsight is always 20/20 I just know I did the best I could and gave them lots of love and was always there for them ( I guess I got that from my mom) I love my mom very much and what like to say Happy Mother's Day to all the moms who give their all Life is hard but let's take this upcoming Mother's Day to be gentle with ourselves. There really is no harder job in the world ! Dee