Families & Friends Of Addicts Support Group
Addiction affects more than just the individual. This community is dedicated to the families and friends of individuals suffering from any form of addiction. Mental health professionals are increasingly considering alcoholism and addiction as diseases that flourish in and are enabled by family systems. Family members react to the addicted person with particular behavioral...
My son was forced into wilderness therapy and then a year long program just after he graduated from high school. He has been ok since - not great but getting by. Can't finish anything but generally a good citizen and we let him live with us. Last night he announced he wants to move out which makes me sad but proud.
Then... Boom. He lit into me with rage about my decisions to send him away three years ago, etc. I am remembering that his initial crash came when he was applying to college. Wondering if this kid just can't leave me unless he tears me down. Something is unhealthy here. I am mad and hurt. But also trying to think rationally.
This kid screamed for 7 months when I brought him to preschool before we gave up and withdrew him. When he was applying to college he anesthetized himself, destroyed parts of our home, threatened to kill us, and when I put a lock on my door broke it off with a crow bar. Now he is leaving again and it isn't as bad, but maybe just another tantrum - "mommy why would you let me leave?"
What do you think?
Then... Boom. He lit into me with rage about my decisions to send him away three years ago, etc. I am remembering that his initial crash came when he was applying to college. Wondering if this kid just can't leave me unless he tears me down. Something is unhealthy here. I am mad and hurt. But also trying to think rationally.
This kid screamed for 7 months when I brought him to preschool before we gave up and withdrew him. When he was applying to college he anesthetized himself, destroyed parts of our home, threatened to kill us, and when I put a lock on my door broke it off with a crow bar. Now he is leaving again and it isn't as bad, but maybe just another tantrum - "mommy why would you let me leave?"
What do you think?
I always remind new parents that when that two year old learns to say NO, and they are learning they are separate individuals....divorcing us...they are becoming individuals.....and they do it again at 17....before leaving for college, or whatever....
I felt like both my kids were divorcing me when they left for school. later on, they appreciated stuff a whole lot more.
now...onto the issue of him being forced away...there may be some permanent resentment there...it may fade, and he may eventually see that you had to do it...but he may never accept it. that is something he will just have to forgive you for.
we can only do the best we can with what we know at the time.
No one said having kids was this hard....sure thing, there is some biological urges causing all this, because these citizens of the universe are a whole lot of drama, tears, work, marketing, analyzing and patience testing.
stay strong.