Families & Friends Of Addicts Support Group

Addiction affects more than just the individual. This community is dedicated to the families and friends of individuals suffering from any form of addiction. Mental health professionals are increasingly considering alcoholism and addiction as diseases that flourish in and are enabled by family systems. Family members react to the addicted person with particular behavioral...

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Melismarie 10/27/2013

7 months ago, I lost my boyfriend to alcoholism. It has been the most devastating thing I've ever had to endure. We had been together almost two years and I stood by him through everything. He went into detox three times and in a 30 day rehab programming. 2 months out of rehab, he drank himself to death. I've gone through all the stages of grief. Right now, I'm stuck at anger. I'm just angry on so many levels; he didn't take his sobriety serious, he didn't realize how much I loved him or his family, he promised he'd never leave me and he did, he was inconsiderate at times, selfish... and I know these are all parts of the disease. I'm angry with myself at times for staying as long as I did with him. I loved him with every once of my soul even when he wasn't that great to me.

I'm just so mad right now and I really want to forgive and be at peace and find happiness again. I want to remember the good times. He said such wonderful things to me at times and ironically a couple days before he died he told me how much he loved me and that I meant the world to him. I want to believe that he meant what he said. But I question everything. Does anyone have words of wisdom for seeking forgives or can recommend a book? I don't want the love I had for him be tainted by all of this anger. I used to cry myself to sleep at night because I missed him so much and felt so empty without him, now I cry myself to sleep because I'm so angry. Any advice would be appreciated.

dmatt124 10/27/2013

First I am so sorry for your loss. Grieving is very much an emotionally roller coaster. Your anger is justified but also can be so toxic to only one person, You. Remember this. He was sick, and I have no doubt he loved you but was not capable of caring for you because his addiction controlled every part of his life. I read a book a long time ago it was called Dancing with Anger, I don't recall the author but can certainly look it up for you, also I find any books and teachings by the Dali Lama are very helpful. There are many friends on here who have gone through the same that will be able to offer support. Hugs

kimpalmer 10/27/2013

So sorry for the loss of your love. Grieving takes time.. Different for each person. Be gentle with yourself, and continue to heal

blueviolet725 10/28/2013

Be angry at the disease. Love him. Just as you probably felt when he was alive.
Write a letter and burn it...or scream and hit a pillow. It is all part of the process and as long as you continue to move forward, you are recovering. If you really do feel stuck and can't move forward, I found talking to a therapist helped. I made HER cry and then I knew i was ok.
The last thing that helped me was doing something for someone else. A food drive, bringing goodies to an AA meeting...anything...helping a neighbor. If I am stuck in sadness or anger, helping others soothes me.
Vent...share here, we can take it. I use the journal spot here as well...you can always delete later! Be well.

cardinal39 10/28/2013

So sorry,,it's a reality all of us face,, at certain points of an addicts life,, you need to go through the grieving process , it's healthy for you,, you have every right to be angry,, shout, scream, do whatever you can do release that anger,,, once you accomplished it,,don't become stuck in that emotion!,, your boyfriend didn't leave you,,his disease was more powerful then he could handle,,, if only loving an addict was enough to cure them,, not one of us,would be here!,, keep his memory alive,, perhaps by reaching out and telling his story,, there are so many out there that are so alone,,and have not found someone to turn to,, I've recently took my anger emotion to another level ( although my addict is still alive, but still wandering), I'm mentoring in woman's jail, where there are many lost soul trying to find themselves , I know I can't change someone,,but instead of curling up, I stood up and refuse to let addiction hold me hostage,,,

There is no rules on grieving,,no one size fits all,,, but realize those ugly emotions and living in that dark world,,will not bring your love one back,,,,

We send you strength,,and find Grace and peace,,,

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