Families & Friends Of Addicts Support Group

Addiction affects more than just the individual. This community is dedicated to the families and friends of individuals suffering from any form of addiction. Mental health professionals are increasingly considering alcoholism and addiction as diseases that flourish in and are enabled by family systems. Family members react to the addicted person with particular behavioral...

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patnard 04/13/2015

Today is probably one of the saddest days of my life. I was forced to ask my daughter to leave the house! She left me no choice, I know I am doing the right thing but it hurts so bad. I have been on a roller coaster with her addiction for the last 10 years. In the beginning I stood by her because it really wasn't her fault, she fractured her spine at 21 and has had 2 failed surgeries. I stood by her making excuses for her behavior for years, well now she is off all pain MED's including suboxone but she has turned to benzo's, she eats clonopine like candy and get really mean. She has started doctor shopping again when she runs out and I just can't take it anymore. We had a terrible fight the other night and I ended up in the ER with a concussion and lots of bruises from a fall when we were tugging her medicine bottles.
She has an appointment with her social worker this morning and I sent her with her suitcase and told her not to come back. To make matters even worse the last hospital stay she had she became friendly with this guy who just gave me the creeps so I googled his name and what pops up, he's a registered sex offender. He spent 10 years in prison for sexual assault with intent to murder, he also has a list of domsetic assaults. This guy moves from town to town and doesn't register and then violates his probation, I don't understand why he isn't back in jail. I really believe he saw how vulnerable my daughter was and he pounced on her!! Now she believes every word he tells her and has decided to choice him over her family. I try not to judge people because I have no room to my husband has been in jail for 10 years too but his was a first offense for something really dumb and he has learned so much from it. This guy has been in trouble continuesly since 1999. He is never going to change, I just hope with some help she will see this.
I'm sorry if I seem tone rambling, but I know I will get some good advice here. Please keep us in your prayers, especially my daughter she need so much help. Thank you all!!!

Hugs,
Pat

marg6300 04/13/2015

Pat sending hugs and prayers your way. Do not feel guilty you have done everything in your power to save your daughter and now only your daughter can save herself... You are a great mom never forget that.

cardinal39 04/13/2015

Pat,,,, guilt comes from a natural sorce,, as a parent it's in our nature to "fix", everything,, but it comes a time when a bandaide no longer works,,,, the greatest gift you can give to a child,, regardless of their age,, is the will, to fly on their own,,,, they need to be held accountable for their choices,, even when their choices are bad ones,, it's ok for them to feel the pain,, just like when their choices are good,, it's good for them to feel good and proud,,,, your always going to be the mom,,, but sometimes you need to let go,,,, which does not mean turn your back,,,, it means its time for your daughter to grow up,,,,, sending you some big hugs,,,,

kimpalmer 04/13/2015

Sending my hugs too ... You have worked so hard for your daughter ... Harder than she has in fact ... Time to take care of you dear ... Know that you are a good mom. One that loves her daughter enough to let go ... Thinking of you

jainlor 04/13/2015

you have done all you could, I agree with the others - she has to do this on her own and you have to work on getting well as you have been co dependant for many years. I know all aobut that . we get as sick as they are. please get well for yourself xoxo

patnard 04/14/2015

Thank you all for your encouragement, I still feel like crap and so guilty. She called yesterday to let me know she is once again in the hospital, she said they have taken her off the clonopin and are trying to get her in a long term residential program. I don't see that happening anytime soon though, we still have the problem of her friend, I told her she needs to dump him because she deserves better and she started crying.
Should I continue to take her calls and give her positive advice or just let her think about everything for awhile? I am so confused.
Thanks,
Pat

ihatewisconsin 04/14/2015

OMG Pat, you ended up hurt bad. I think it had to be that she left. It could of even ended worse now that it got to this.

She was not going to change while there. And now that she is where she is, MAYBE there will be a chance for her, and really she has to do it on her own. It wasn't working at your house. And for you to get a concussion from a fight. God it could of been even worse.

As far as this guy, he will probably move on and leave her soon enough, maybe even while she is in the residential treatment program, and that's where she needs to be.

I hope this is a beginning of better things now for you. You handled it way too long. You did your best.

cardinal39 04/15/2015

Pat,, there is this button that will allow you to hang up anytime you want,, you can't make someone do something, you can only control the environment that you live in,, just saying,, you deserve better, sometimes when you keep feeding the problem, even if it's good food,, it does mean it's the solution,, ,, take a step back,, live your life,, stop trying to live your daughter life for her,,

Stay strong

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