Our sons' 25th is the end of this month, we planned on driving to where he 'is' and picking him up, bringing him to our new home (he hasn't seen it yet as we haven't seen him in over a year now)for the week to celebrate, have some fun and quality time with him. He calls week before last and says he's in rehab, has been using all along and in short I told him one week in 'detox' will NOT be sufficient, asked to talk to his social worker, and that we would NOT allow him up here as this wasn't getting him 'better' but only a temp stop. We got a big F*** you and he was pissed. He called lvm and we weren't home, I THOUGHT he hadn't called back, he checked himself out of rehab and on the run again.

I JUST found a message 'saved' that he called last week, is at a friends house and doing 'outpatient' and let us know he's 'okay'.

I'm wondering if I should try to call him back or wait to see if he calls US!

I know the manipulation this kid is capable of. I ALSO know that when he was 'detoxing' he mentioned that this 'friend' he is now staying with, is a user as well. So naturally he doesn't remember telling me this in his 'sanity' mode.

I am NOT wanting him to come here. Why? Because he is NOT working on his sobriety and getting his life in order for real, but passing it off as he is. He will get here and pull the 'I don't have anywhere to go' manipulation that we know oh so well and we will NOT allow him to disrupt our lives any further. We KNOW it won't be a 'visit' but a ploy to live off us once again. There are NO jobs here, it is a SMALL town where everyone knows everyone and everything about everyone. And it's not without it's own drug problems, as is everywhere! Lastly, I have to say I'm afraid of him. He has NEVER stolen, but he has had anger outbursts that were a little scary. Not that I can't take care of myself, but with all the stories in the news, I refuse to put myself in that position.

He is out of money, he is out of friends and he is out of things to 'pawn'. He is clearly still using.

I spent a weekend with him, alone, a couple years ago, hubby was out of town, and he was detoxing and it was the scariest time I've EVER had. I did NOT sleep all weekend, and that was my turning point in realizing that I can't trust the addict.

Is it wrong to 'ignore' his 'reaching out'. I KNOW that he is NOT working on his addiction and I REFUSE to put us in a position like he did before when he came to the house for a shower and cried and pleaded and begged and we caved. And being in another state now, it is alot harder.

So should I call him back or wait till he calls US? Your thoughts?