Families & Friends Of Addicts Support Group

Addiction affects more than just the individual. This community is dedicated to the families and friends of individuals suffering from any form of addiction. Mental health professionals are increasingly considering alcoholism and addiction as diseases that flourish in and are enabled by family systems. Family members react to the addicted person with particular behavioral...

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relapse advice

dragan3
dragan3
My husband has struggled with addiction to pain meds, he has done very well and i keep his prescriptions locked up to make sure he only takes the prescribed doses, he somehow mangages to relapse in one way or another about every 3 or 4 months, sometimes its smoking so much weed on top of his prescriptions or staying awake for 3 days and not eating which producses the same behavior as when he's high. Its horrible when it happens, i have a 2 year old and a 9 month old and i also have babysit my husband or he'll pass out in the yard or garage with lit cigarettes and practically burn the house down, and i have to follow him around to make sure he leaves the kids alone. How do i deal with him when it isn't a constant problem, he goes right back to being himself for the next 3 months and acts like nothing happened. any suggestions on how to approach him about it or how to make him realize how badly it really effects us?
deleted_user
deleted_user
Your husband is a grown man...he doesn't need a babaysitter. Perhaps if the enabling stops, he'll hit his bottom quicker (you can keep yourself and kids safe) and let him suffer the consequences of his own actions.

It's really hard to make someone realize something that they don't want to realize. We can beg, plead, cry, yell, bitch...all to no avail.

Al-Anon helps us keep the focus on us and our actions/reactions rather than on the alcoholic. Al-Anon teaches us to live in today, not into a possible relapse in 3 months. all we have is today. Al-Anon teahes me that I can love my husband and hate his disease -- but I don't have to hate my husband.

Try to find meetings to go to ... there are lots of online groups (I started an Al-Anon group here)....it works if we work it.

Hugs,
Eileen
deleted_user
deleted_user
It's interesting that you say that he doesn't sleep for 3 or 4 days and that produces that same behavior as when he is high, because that is a preety good descrption of a manic episode in Bipolar Disorder. Has he ever had a thorough psychiatric evaluation? I really believe that many alcoholics and drug addicts actually have underlying bipolar disorder, and the drinking and drugs are a form of self medicating. The mental illness often doesn't get diagnosed because if they do go for help, they are getting treatment for addiction only.

Also, the every 3 or 4 month cycle is fairly typical too.

Just a thought.
deleted_user
deleted_user
I really appreciate this discussion. But how do I get to the Al Anon link? I keep searching for a group, but their online meeting times are not convenient. Plus a discussion board like this or a live chat would be really useful Thanks for any help you could give me on that.

As for dragan3, I'm going through kind of a similar thing. We got two kids and leaving isn't an option. I do agree that a grown man doesn't need babysitting, but I can see where it would be a good idea to make sure the cigarettes don't burn down the house. I'd pay lots of attention to Lenny's advice. Good luck.
deleted_user
deleted_user
A friend of mine's husband fell asleep stoned with a cigarette in their basement , their beautiful house burnt , she got herself and the kids out , and he is now in the hospital in critical condition with terrible burns in a coma ( induced ) , they are losing their vehichles she is working over time to support the family because he is obviously disabled . Their family is being torn apart .
My advice to you ( and I personally ended a relationship w/my daughters father 6 months ago , best /but hardest thing Ive had to do , due to the same type of stuff ) ...
get away from the toxic person , don't wait for it to get worse, it will ... it will get worse. Get yourself and your kids safe first , you can love him from afar, you can see him on your own terms , involve him but with boundries , when he has made progress for a good lenght of time THEN you start giving him trust .. but only when he has earned it .
deleted_user
deleted_user
This disease progresses without treatment. There are 3 choices. Recovery, death or jail. That is what it comes down to. Sadly.. I tried to "police" my daughter's using when I first found out about her being an addict. That never works. I too, would find a way to keep you and the kiddies safe. If you cannot leave, maybe he needs to. House fires and many other terrible things happen when someone is messed up on drugs. I know this is hard, but what you are putting up with now is only going to get worse unless he seeks treatment.
We are here for you...and I am very sorry for your pain..
((hugs))
EllaBlue
deleted_user
deleted_user
I agree, you are enabling. You said he has times when he does well. That is when the two of you should sit down and come up with a plan of action to take when he relapses. Then when it happens take action. It is what ever you feel you can do. Our plan is I would call his sponsor. Other people may plan to move out. I wish the best for you, but I have to say what is going on in your life isn't healthy for any of you.
dragan3
dragan3
thanks everyone for your advice, i really appreciate it.

Cricket08 - to me your idea sounds like the best place to start right now. I will sit down with him and we will come up with a plan. That way i will know what to do and he will be in agreeance with it. I hope he doesnt get offensive when i talk to him but it has to be done. i shouldn't have to worry all the time about not knowing what to do.