Families & Friends Of Addicts Support Group
Addiction affects more than just the individual. This community is dedicated to the families and friends of individuals suffering from any form of addiction. Mental health professionals are increasingly considering alcoholism and addiction as diseases that flourish in and are enabled by family systems. Family members react to the addicted person with particular behavioral...
As I briefly mentioned in another post, my daughter is living with a meth addict. And they have been together almost 10 years now. This man has gone through assorted drugs...from crack to now meth. A year or so ago, I discovered there was a warrant out for his arrest and I turned him in. My daughter borrowed the money and bailed him out. However, I was ever hopeful, she could not get the money and his butt would sit in jail until his hearing. This weekend, my son helped her move and he was talking to the woman who continues to take my daughter in every time she leaves this guy. The latest time being 2 weeks after my new grandson was born. What upset me even more this time, is that now an infant is involved. From the things this man is doing, I fear for my grandson's life, yet my daughter is oblivious and just like so many of us, thinks she loves him.
From what my son was told, when she throws him out, this guy whines and moans to my daughter that she never really loved him, she dragged him across the country and that if he kills himself, it is HER fault. He basically, has her brainwashed. (And believe me, I know, I used to be her)
In this move, I learned that the boyfriend has not paid one penny on the fines he owes from that arrest a couple years ago. He also is on unsupervised probation and he is not allowed to own a guy; yet my daughter bought him one.
Is there anything I can do to assure the safety of my grandchildren? Should I advise the cops where he is living, so that perhaps they could violate him on his fines? The woman who takes my daughter in thinks that I push my daughter closer every time I cause a crisis in this man's life. A recovering friend of mine, thinks turning him in, makes the bottom that much closer.
With my physical health, I can't take 24 hour care of an infant and an 8 year old, but anything would be better than where they are. And sadly, my daughter cares more for this man than she does for her children.
From what my son was told, when she throws him out, this guy whines and moans to my daughter that she never really loved him, she dragged him across the country and that if he kills himself, it is HER fault. He basically, has her brainwashed. (And believe me, I know, I used to be her)
In this move, I learned that the boyfriend has not paid one penny on the fines he owes from that arrest a couple years ago. He also is on unsupervised probation and he is not allowed to own a guy; yet my daughter bought him one.
Is there anything I can do to assure the safety of my grandchildren? Should I advise the cops where he is living, so that perhaps they could violate him on his fines? The woman who takes my daughter in thinks that I push my daughter closer every time I cause a crisis in this man's life. A recovering friend of mine, thinks turning him in, makes the bottom that much closer.
With my physical health, I can't take 24 hour care of an infant and an 8 year old, but anything would be better than where they are. And sadly, my daughter cares more for this man than she does for her children.
However, keep in mind how easy it is for addicts to lie and manipulate to get what they want. I can only imagine the mind games this man is playing with your daughter while he's using. I know the games my AH played with me when he was using and I also have a son with him. I was with him for 3 yrs while he used. Because I always hoped he'd stop. I always thought maybe THIS time he'd really be clean. That's why people stay. And it always looks so simple to those around them but it's not that simple when you love an addict.
It's so very difficult when kids are involved. For me, that made it even harder. Because I wanted my son to have a Dad in his life. His Dad. And again, the hope he'd get clean this time around. For real. But I was always let down.
Right now, again, I have no hard evidence. My granddaughter is thin, but she says she loves her daddy and misses him. She also, though told me about him locking himself in the bathroom and not coming out.
I'm surprised nothing more was done when he was thrown out of counseling and the counselor threatened to call the cops.
It seems you have to have bruises or other visible signs of neglect. They have moved to a new house. (They move further and further away). But I intend to make pop in visits. And keep an eye on my grandson. Right now, my daughter also has her brother watching my grandson 2 days a week, so we can watch that way.
I know the guy is not paying fines, so perhaps I will give the court his address and see if they care.
This guy is playing weird games. He says if my daughter can throw him out, she never loved him. And that if he kills himself, his blood is on her hands. I lived with a crackhead, but he didn't pull this crap. I'm use to the begging and pleading. And promising to do better by the addict.
This guy blames everything on my daughter and is nasty. He carries on and says it's all her fault. The woman who took my daughter in said I made it worse when I had the boyfriend arrested. It just made him and my daughter closer.
That never worked with me. I threw my ex's in jail several times and never bailed them out. In fact, I held all the cards....straighten up or don't come home.
Sadly, neither of my ex's have gotten clean and sober to this day.