dmatt,,, you can not become a vicitim of your son,,,, otherwise,, you will become an addcit ,,,,Pray,,,, pray,,, is the first advice,,, let your son go,,, if he is going to use,,, regardless if your so consume with if, ands or butts,,, he is going to use..... set your boundaries,,, if you suspect he is using, ,,,,, ask him to step outside of his home, give him a blanket, bottle water,,, and tell him,,, keep it to 15 words,,,, that he can live inside, clean, if he chooses to use,,, he can only look in the window,,, you will no longer Live in his world,,,, live your day, like it's the last, love like there is no tomorrow,, and laugh like it's the last sound you will hear,,,, my love,,, your son needs to decide how he wants to live,,,,, you live like it's your last day,,,

Oh God, Dee... You and I live the same life! My son has been home from jail for 2 weeks exactly. Every day is more suspicious than the last, but he "passed a drug test" today at his P.O.... Yet tonight, he "can't find the $100 his grandma gave him for Christmas. He left "for a smoke", took the dog, and was gone longer than it takes to smoke. I went up to see if his money (was supposed to be used to pay court fines and Parole fees) was there... NOPE!! He says, "I didn't take it! I am in the habit of moving stuff so no one finds it (after living in a drug house for months), I'll find it" OMG!!! Am I so stupid for allowing him to come back home??????????? In one of the journal entries I wrote, I allude to feeling like the swirl of water that happens in the shower... just before it goes down the drain... I'm there again...

Oh, I feel for you. It is so difficult watching your kids implode in front of your eyes. The only thing that worked for us was sending our daughter AWAY for rehab and recovery. It has broken us financially but it is worth every penny. We sent her to Jacksonville FL as we live in Ohio. Jacksonville has a great recovery community. It was far enough away so that we didn't have to see her everyday(and monitor her dilating pupils) and it forced her to sink or swim. We figured if it didn't take and she continued to use, it was better to be a homeless addict in Florida than in Ohio. She has been clean almost two years now-one relapse that she admitted as soon as it happened. She contacted her therapist and set up a plan before even telling us about the relapse.She has also been on a long-term suboxone therapy and has been working at weaning off the suboxone.

If your gut tells you he is using, then he is probably using. This is probably the hardest thing you will ever have to deal with as a parent. Every fiber in our body wants us to love and protect our kids, but that can be the worst thing you can do if your kid is an addict. IOP didn't work for our daughter. A long-term treatment plan away from us and everyone she knew did.

I can so relate! Every time I talk to my brother I am staring at him wondering, looking into his eyes to see if they are dilated and looking for other signs of using. You are right that his actions will show you what you need to know. Definitely listen with your eyes, words can be so deceiving coming from our addicts.