co dependency has a lot to do with it. I know I owe him nothing, and I never expect anything in return from him. He is a lonely soul and I try my best to help him out in any way I can, mostly for the sake of our daughter. He is an alcoholic full time one at that. But my daughter thinks the world of him. I have set some boundaries but yet have to decide what is best for all concerned.
There is a lot that is unsaid here, and I will leave it at that. But my main goal is to give him some encouragement, and be there as much as I can without jeapordizing my own family and my daughter. It's really hard to explain, but I have my reasons for what I do for him, and I struggle with my own finances too. And I hope he gets the help he needs soon. I encourage him to seek treatment every time we talk, but he says he is never going to sober up, and to me that means he will most likely dye from alcoholism. I have asked him to set up something in case he does so I can take care of my daughter in the possibility of his death. It's sad I have to think like that but it's very real.
Just sharing a little bit more so you all can understand. "

This is concerning my ex who is the father of my youngest child.

I do understand about asking him to provide for your child...My husband is a smoker, and after a series of serious strokes I took him to the cardiologist in the morning and the lawyer to update our wills in the afternoon.
I couldn't change his choices, but I could certainly protect my family.
10 years later he is still smoking, but here...

It is hard to change, but for minimum wage, maybe there are better opportunities for you out there...maybe even taking one of those free college courses on line in basic accounting, or business would help you on your resume..
even the STNA's here are getting offered 9.25 an hour.

Boundaries are important. And they keep us safe and sane.
Can you have him sign the car over to you and sell your truck?

I give you a lot of credit with balancing all the things you seem to be handling. Can you ask your supervisor if a rate increase is a possiblity?
As for him getting help...if he won't go, you can't make a difference in any of that. Doesn't matter how much we want them to. so sad.

I would look into education. Maybe you can get work to pay for some education or see if there is state aid. Some places (medical) will pay for your training in exchange for your working for them for a period of time.

I know so many capable people who would do great but the college degree is like a pass into the building so they don't even get the chance to show how well they would do. I think it's probably hard to be thinking about career that pays in 2--3-4-5 years when you're looking at paying things this month, though.

I've thought about it, going to take college courses. Just havent' decided what I want to study. Also how long it will take is the other issue. But I have always want to finish with college.

At age 53 i decided to go to college.If you have been before you many still have core classes that you have to get out of the way. With your hectic life; I see you have 3 still under age 14, and it would be hard to work and take care of children plus go to school. You can get a Pell Grant and take out student loans.
Many alcoholic's are lonely souls, alcohol is a depressant. If he dies you will get Social Security until your daughter turns 18. My ex died last year from his alcoholism.

Yeah he is a long way from dying, but I think of car accidents and other ways that may happen to him, its a sad way to think but its what I have to prepare myself with my daughter.
He isn't really in the picture with in these last couple of weeks, he is focusing on his court date and jail time, and trying to get all his stuff out of the way. I am just letting him be, plus the last time he was over to get my daughter, he was too intoxicated to take her anywhere, so he left and haven't heard from him since, my daughter is crying a lot and upset a lot of the time, when he isn't around and worries way too much for a 6 yr old. I sometimes wonder if it's healthy for her to be so grown up where he is concerned.

Poor kid, maybe keep explaining that her dad is sick and sometimes there isn't much anyone can do. She is very young to have to deal with this, isn't she? I feel bad for her.

Katrinka, she is very young, and so used of taking care of her self, that sometimes it scares me, since it's been a few weeks she has come to an understanding that she is little and is allowing us to take care of her, and we have set boundaries for her, i.e, you are not allowed at home by yourself, someone needs to be with you at all times. we have given her chores to do each day, and I have been trying to spend as much time with her to allow her to be a child. I feel guilty because I never allowed my other children the luxury of childhood being an only parent, and I required them to help with everything. But her I allow it, because when she is with her dad she has to be "tough" and "responsible" and also she takes care of him when he is drunk, which I have to check on her every day because when she is there and sometimes he passes out and I have to go pick her up and take her. He gets upset, but I have to put her safety first and not his feelings. Usually I wait until he is sober so I can talk to him and he hears me, I don't really think he does. His absence has been welcome and a breath of relief for me.
I worry I am very co dependant.