Families & Friends Of Addicts Support Group
Addiction affects more than just the individual. This community is dedicated to the families and friends of individuals suffering from any form of addiction. Mental health professionals are increasingly considering alcoholism and addiction as diseases that flourish in and are enabled by family systems. Family members react to the addicted person with particular behavioral...
Sorry guys, its just that I always come here when my addict husband relapses...and I benefit from all the other people who apparantly have it worse that me...but surely...surely there have to be addicts and families who have successfully worked through this illness....aren't there? ...I mean just one...to keep hope alive?
I am in the middle of final exams at school...my husband, whom I love and care for dearly, but i an addict, went to his company christmas party this last saturday...while i was studying...needless to say i went to bed at 1:30 am and he didn't come in until 3:30 and then it was just to drop off his gifts from the party...then he lied to me (i knew it before he finished saying it) that he was going to follow his coworker to the gas station and to leave the door unlocked cause he would be back in a few minutes...I KNEW HE WAS LYING...but still I stupidly, lay there in bed, with my front door unlocked waiting for him to come back for about 30 fucking minutes!!! Finally, I got up out of bed and went and locked the door and went to sleep for about 2 1/2 hours...Then I got up, and got ready and went about my regular sunday activities which involve church...it's the most wonderful time of the year at church right now so I was able to focus on that and stay distracted from his problems...got home from church about three, caught a little nap then back to church for a choir concert at 5:30....I finally got home at 7:45...and guess who was home crashed out on the bed? well I continued to ignore him, watched my Sunday evening shows and went to bed....when our alarms went off in the morning, he asked to use my phone to call his job...I didn't say anything just got to the phone part of my smart phone and handed it to him...he went and called his job, then came back to bed...so I had to ask? "You not going to work today? " Nah! my stomach doesn't feel right, I'm a bit nauseated"...."well wheres your phone?" "I don't know...I think I misplaced it." ...uh huh...I just laid there for a few minutes, then got up and got ready for my day...focusing on finals....l left the house at 7:30 without another word...and didn't get back home until 8:30 PM....I was hungry so I got us something eat...we made small talk about tv...and I went to bed..oh and he's not going to work today either because its his regular day off....so anyway...I got up this mornng to get ready for another day in MY LIFE...and I was doing good...until I was putting my shoes on....he asked me if I could leave the food stamp card (with $250 on it) so he could get something to eat today!....!REALLY? I mean ! REALLY? I don't trust you with anything of value (my laptop and tech gadgets go with me EVERYWHERE; and I told my son on Sunday to take his new laptop with him whenever he leaves the house and even into the restroom with him when hes taking a shower!) and you want me to leave you my FS card!? Well I didn't say anthing until my son went to take the trash outside...and thats when I told him that I don't have time to deal with him or his problems right now and that I was leaving him $7 (which is all the cash I had on me) and that that was the best I could do (tears welling up in my eyes-I hate crying) and with that said, I walked out the door and left for school....
it hurts me to be so callous and cold to him...but damn...I can't deal with his crap right now...I have to focus on my LIFE...not ours right now...because if I don't, he's going to ruin his life, our life, and my life...and I refuse to let that happen. I am sorry this is so long and rambling...but I had to get it off my chest...I am very angry...but I can't deal with it right now...I have to study for finals...I have to focus on ME!...and this (DailyStrength) is the only way I know to do that.
Thanks for listening DS....I feel better now, and Im off to study.
Darque Starr
I am in the middle of final exams at school...my husband, whom I love and care for dearly, but i an addict, went to his company christmas party this last saturday...while i was studying...needless to say i went to bed at 1:30 am and he didn't come in until 3:30 and then it was just to drop off his gifts from the party...then he lied to me (i knew it before he finished saying it) that he was going to follow his coworker to the gas station and to leave the door unlocked cause he would be back in a few minutes...I KNEW HE WAS LYING...but still I stupidly, lay there in bed, with my front door unlocked waiting for him to come back for about 30 fucking minutes!!! Finally, I got up out of bed and went and locked the door and went to sleep for about 2 1/2 hours...Then I got up, and got ready and went about my regular sunday activities which involve church...it's the most wonderful time of the year at church right now so I was able to focus on that and stay distracted from his problems...got home from church about three, caught a little nap then back to church for a choir concert at 5:30....I finally got home at 7:45...and guess who was home crashed out on the bed? well I continued to ignore him, watched my Sunday evening shows and went to bed....when our alarms went off in the morning, he asked to use my phone to call his job...I didn't say anything just got to the phone part of my smart phone and handed it to him...he went and called his job, then came back to bed...so I had to ask? "You not going to work today? " Nah! my stomach doesn't feel right, I'm a bit nauseated"...."well wheres your phone?" "I don't know...I think I misplaced it." ...uh huh...I just laid there for a few minutes, then got up and got ready for my day...focusing on finals....l left the house at 7:30 without another word...and didn't get back home until 8:30 PM....I was hungry so I got us something eat...we made small talk about tv...and I went to bed..oh and he's not going to work today either because its his regular day off....so anyway...I got up this mornng to get ready for another day in MY LIFE...and I was doing good...until I was putting my shoes on....he asked me if I could leave the food stamp card (with $250 on it) so he could get something to eat today!....!REALLY? I mean ! REALLY? I don't trust you with anything of value (my laptop and tech gadgets go with me EVERYWHERE; and I told my son on Sunday to take his new laptop with him whenever he leaves the house and even into the restroom with him when hes taking a shower!) and you want me to leave you my FS card!? Well I didn't say anthing until my son went to take the trash outside...and thats when I told him that I don't have time to deal with him or his problems right now and that I was leaving him $7 (which is all the cash I had on me) and that that was the best I could do (tears welling up in my eyes-I hate crying) and with that said, I walked out the door and left for school....
it hurts me to be so callous and cold to him...but damn...I can't deal with his crap right now...I have to focus on my LIFE...not ours right now...because if I don't, he's going to ruin his life, our life, and my life...and I refuse to let that happen. I am sorry this is so long and rambling...but I had to get it off my chest...I am very angry...but I can't deal with it right now...I have to study for finals...I have to focus on ME!...and this (DailyStrength) is the only way I know to do that.
Thanks for listening DS....I feel better now, and Im off to study.
Darque Starr
My spouse stole thousands of dollars from our savings account, stole from our childrens accounts, charged up $10,000 or so on credit cards I didn't know she had, and smiled every week when my check was direct deposited and she let me have $75 allowance. We split and reconciled but I don't have her on any of my accounts, I don't jointly own anything with her and have a prenup in place to protect my assets for me and my children if we split again. I recently had to start locking my checks up because she made friends with a store clerk that would let her cash them, then I found a key to the lock box that she denied having. It is miserable to live with someone that you can't trust. What should be my rock, my safe haven from the world, my home and my family is the thing I have to worry about the most.
She will leave rehab possibly this week, and she is talking a good game now with sorry's and never again's, but it will be sometime before I can give a positive testimony, if I ever have one to give. My thoughts are with you. God bless
My husband basically all the same things to me...but I didn't stop trusting him until last year in august...when he got MY truck "stolen" (his words, I'm pretty sure he traded it for drugs; and if he didn't he stole it from me - I let him use it to go to the store, not to go get high!)
good luck to you and your family...thanks for the reply. God Bless you all
I know its very hard and especially this time of the year and I know you love him, but do you love yourself and your son enough so you can do whats best for both of you.
Remember a relapse is a short episode and he is back on track, it it longer then that then its back in addiction mode. This time of year is the worst for addicts, alot of partying goin on and they feel why can't I.
I hope he does get back on track if this was a one time or two mess up.
My thoughts and prayers are with you.