I so have been where you are. Try to do one thing nice for YOU tonight. Prayers to you for peace tonight.

you are NOT the reason they relapse. please take care of yourself and you do not have to live with a person in active addiction...

We have all been where you are right now, try to understand our addict needs to blame someone & they know all too well Mothers/Fathers are prime targets for all they dish out. I wish I had a dollar for all the hurtful things my son has hurdle at me over the years. I know I'm a good person & I've done the best I could; this is his problem to solve not mine. Know you're not alone.

Stop doing everything to make them happy. There's a saying...

When an addict is happy with you, you are enabling.

I know all too well the nastiness they spew. It's usually when they are coming down off their high.

I hang up when he's been nasty. If they are under the same roof using you are enabling and may want to change those circumstances. Otherwise things will never change.

I'm sorry for you. I know the stress it causes.

Just wanted to add one more thing...

When he is like that don't engage. Nothing good comes of it.

I wish I had an answer to give you to not be in pain. Pain is a sign things need to change.

We all have gone thru this/or still are. One thing I can say is until you throw him out you will never have a peaceful moment. And from experience even when they are out we still don't. I will never live without fear again. Or pain. It's hurt my heart in ways I can never explain to anyone but us.

Sending you a hug and prayers.

What helps me get through that phase is that I keep telling myself the following things:

"That is delirium bullshit."
"That is their way of expressing how unhappy they are with the situtation they find themselves in."
"They say those things because they cannot cope with their own self-made stress."
"I did NOT give that bottle. I did NOTt buy it. I did NOT offer them it. They did it to themselves, and now it's just their own childish behavior - like a child who ate too much cotton candy and they hate their mom because their tummy hurts."

An addict relapses because of something within them. It is "customary" that they search for a scapegoat. That can be a loved one, a boss, society, the neighbor, the book collectors, anybody that isn't them.

Take no blame for an addicts actions including relapse.

*bill collectors (lol)

I live with an alcoholic. But I have finally come to my own conclusion (it only took 25 years!) that I cannot have a happy life with a substance abuser, now this isn't a decision for everyone. I decided I deserved peace in my life, and I can not have peace with a man, who calls me every filthy name in the book, blames me for his drinking (classic alcoholic), argues about everything and it's my fault or the kids. I made a promise to myself to have a good life and my one regret is not leaving sooner and this affecting the kids.

While I get the pain, agony, hurt, fear, clinging on to the hope he will change, please focus on you and not the chaos that is brought on by a substance abusing spouse.

Even if you choose to stay, find a way, to decide you deserve happiness and then make a plan to find it. Even if is a small step each day, at least it is a step in the right direction. Read the Al anon book, it truly helped me, everyday.

Get support, you can't do this alone. I took up painting, went to Al Anon, met some wonderful friends, saw a therapist, I try to exercise everyday, I pray a lot, try to meditate and whatever I can do to to make my world (even though we are still living together) better. I dream of the day I will be way from this.

Every time I hear him downstairs swearing and acting like an ass, it just reminds me I made the right decision. Yes I'm sad, but no one deserves to live like this.

Also educate yourself on the disease, it will help you to understand abuse, the behaviours and the chaos.

Make a promise to yourself to do one thing today that is good for you. Reaching out here is a good thing too.

Take good care of yourself and be your own best friend right now.