Families & Friends Of Addicts Support Group
Addiction affects more than just the individual. This community is dedicated to the families and friends of individuals suffering from any form of addiction. Mental health professionals are increasingly considering alcoholism and addiction as diseases that flourish in and are enabled by family systems. Family members react to the addicted person with particular behavioral...
edit Trying to stay strong
Friday, May 31, 2013
Wow things are a bit out of control around me, and as I write these words I realize that I can choose to stay outside of the chaos of others.......AH continues to drink, things had slowed down a bit but only because he is back on oxy with another back surgery pending. He simply replaced alcohol with pills, and had the insane nerve to tell me that the oxy would prevent alcoholism and he no longer needed AA , decreased his group session attendance ( now he simply does not go at all) and uses his one on one therapy to discuss my personal issues ?????
Drinking continued sporadically but is escalating as expected. None of this is new, and I deal as best I can by just moving on with my own life and interests. This approach keeps the peace, and I find relative happiness.
Nothing like a BIG WRENCH IN THE GEARS......my dad is staying with me. Mother in rehab facility post knee replacement with complications. Dad will be with me another three weeks for a total of seven torture filled weeks of total disrespect. To make matters worse, he fell down the stairs and cracked two ribs and is now a cross between a temper tantrum prone four year old/ screaming nursing home patient/ and know it all prick. My life has been put on hold. I am four weeks in and working hard to maintain my center. With stoned/ drunk husband as helper.......??????
i AM however noticing up close how my upbringing negatively affected so much of my adult life. I am trying to find the "gift" in this experience, even if it is karmic atonement for past transgressions. Now I am crying, hubby( who is probably drunk) just called me at work to let me know he thinks it is a "good idea" if I stop at the nursing home after work. Why? So he can sober up some? Really? When my niece is covering today..... And since my dad does not need a ride home today it will be one of the few days I can go straight home. Ugh but home to a drunk husband and a creepy father. Visiting my sickness addicted mother is no break either.
This whole thing is a guilt party, but ya know....... I was kind of feeling sorry for my husband for being the primary caregiver to my father while I am at work, but when I was told that it was the justified reason for returning to drinking ( along with oxy and tranquilizer s)...... I say at least you are making yourself useful.
i guess I am feeling sorry for myself today because I feel overwhelmed and it seems like the people I have been taught to believe love me the most have disappointed me and taken advantage of me for most of my life. Oh poor me. Please tell me to stop.
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Friday, May 31, 2013
Wow things are a bit out of control around me, and as I write these words I realize that I can choose to stay outside of the chaos of others.......AH continues to drink, things had slowed down a bit but only because he is back on oxy with another back surgery pending. He simply replaced alcohol with pills, and had the insane nerve to tell me that the oxy would prevent alcoholism and he no longer needed AA , decreased his group session attendance ( now he simply does not go at all) and uses his one on one therapy to discuss my personal issues ?????
Drinking continued sporadically but is escalating as expected. None of this is new, and I deal as best I can by just moving on with my own life and interests. This approach keeps the peace, and I find relative happiness.
Nothing like a BIG WRENCH IN THE GEARS......my dad is staying with me. Mother in rehab facility post knee replacement with complications. Dad will be with me another three weeks for a total of seven torture filled weeks of total disrespect. To make matters worse, he fell down the stairs and cracked two ribs and is now a cross between a temper tantrum prone four year old/ screaming nursing home patient/ and know it all prick. My life has been put on hold. I am four weeks in and working hard to maintain my center. With stoned/ drunk husband as helper.......??????
i AM however noticing up close how my upbringing negatively affected so much of my adult life. I am trying to find the "gift" in this experience, even if it is karmic atonement for past transgressions. Now I am crying, hubby( who is probably drunk) just called me at work to let me know he thinks it is a "good idea" if I stop at the nursing home after work. Why? So he can sober up some? Really? When my niece is covering today..... And since my dad does not need a ride home today it will be one of the few days I can go straight home. Ugh but home to a drunk husband and a creepy father. Visiting my sickness addicted mother is no break either.
This whole thing is a guilt party, but ya know....... I was kind of feeling sorry for my husband for being the primary caregiver to my father while I am at work, but when I was told that it was the justified reason for returning to drinking ( along with oxy and tranquilizer s)...... I say at least you are making yourself useful.
i guess I am feeling sorry for myself today because I feel overwhelmed and it seems like the people I have been taught to believe love me the most have disappointed me and taken advantage of me for most of my life. Oh poor me. Please tell me to stop.
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Make a plan, when Daddy dearest is gone and it is just you...what good and nice and wonderful things are you going to do for yourself?
I may not have understood the whole post..is dad at home all day? or is he with mom during the day at the nursing home? (the staff would love that)...can you have someone like a visiting nurse stop in? or your pastor or someone to wear the old guy out? And you hubby the stoner is taking care of him at home? (guess I answered my own question)....
listen, you did learn a lesson here...not that you have to pay back any karma...but that you are a child of God and worthy of love and respect. That you were raised in a household of sickies and you followed the pattern...so now you know. Now, you can get better and love yourself the way you deserve.
Ok. Stop, the pity party is over. BUT feel free to have a brief cry in the shower any time you feel like it. I would go out to dinner instead of the nursing home. Or get a pedicure or go read a book in the park for an hour.
You are overwhenlmed. You are disappinted. it is ok. just don't stay stuck. We all love ya here!
If you can do much better, on your own, then do it. There is no one keeping you in the midst of the mess, but yourself. What do you owe the others? What do they owe you? Is it worth it?
There is always an answer. I never read where you wrote about Him. He's the answer. Have you consulted with Him to get His perspective? Um, maybe that's why you're there, so long...
Sorry hope things get better, although I do not think hubby is gonna stop and one day soon I hope you decide to get off the merri-go-round.
Brother Roy, thanks for the reminder.... Time to return to my prayer and meditation groups.
Yes I am counting the days till dad can go home.... 17
My sister and her family came today and it was a nice relief, we could even laugh bait about the craziness.
As for Hubby....... I am we'll aware that he will probably never completely conquer his demons, but prior to this parental thing, he and I were in a mutually agreeable place and I was not unhappy.
This morning I took a long walk and said my prayers while enjoying the birdsongs and spring flowers. My first step back to my own self!
Thanks again, and remember that I always keep all of us in my heart and in my prayers.