Families & Friends Of Addicts Support Group
Addiction affects more than just the individual. This community is dedicated to the families and friends of individuals suffering from any form of addiction. Mental health professionals are increasingly considering alcoholism and addiction as diseases that flourish in and are enabled by family systems. Family members react to the addicted person with particular behavioral...
Sat.7/28 - Ugh!...I died...my life as I know it just suddenly came to an end...okay, not suddenly...but it did come to an end...I am so anxious and out of control...and worried...and pissed...and FRUSTRATED...FATIGUED...FEARFUL...and just such a FAILURE...I can't manage my own damn life...how can I manage anything else? Why can't I just get out of this funk that I am in and get back into my life...I mean really! it isn't that bad...sure my marriage is falling apart and non-existant actually...but hell at least I'm still married and I still love him...but...he doesn't love me....oh but that's another story...my son...ahh my son...the only true bright thing in my life...but how am I going to finance his college education if I can't even manage my own finances!...ugh...and what about my education/career goals...I just wasted the last four years of my life and they ended in failure!!!...and now I need to start all over at the beginning...but what if I can't...or worse yet what if I start over and then just end up failing again...this is all so f'ing hard!...I screwed up everything...and now I can't find the energy or motivation to start over. And if I can't find that in myself, why should anyone else even consider giving me another chance...why should I even try again...maybe I should just accept my failure and give up... Here I go again...I don't know what to do. WHAT THE FUCK DO I DO?
well. first you decide what you want...sounds like financial is a big thing. so, make a list of all your obligations and start with that. I used Dave Ramsey's financial peace book. I was afraid to look at the list of bills, and if I don't know, I can't deal....
Next, college is a worry for another day. I would suggest thinking about community college the first two years and transfering. I blew a year's worth on my kid with two tries before he got sober....we are both (he and I) sad about that lost opportunity.
And, if you learn from something, it wasn't a waste. It is sad, but it makes you stronger (I have that song playing in my head!)
Make a dream sheet, listing everything you want.
then take the first step towards the easiest goal....but it won't be easy because you are starting over.
Dale carnagie says if you look at the very worst outcome, and deal with it....Bankrupcy, whatever, then everything else becomes easier. (Plan for the worst and work for the best
But maybe for today, a bath and a cup of tea and your favorite blanket and be comforting to yourself.
You can do it. You have been doing it in this insanity, and you will be able to do it calmly in your future.
You didn't fail. You decided to make changes. You are making a choice. You are stronger than you think. You just do the next right thing, take the next small step---as they say, one day at a time.
Right now, everything in my life is spinning out of control...and I do mean EVERYTHING...my house is a mess, my health is a mess, my finances are a mess, my career is a mess, and my family is a mess....FUCK IT: my LIFE IS A MESS!!! And to make it worse, this is the third or fourth time in MY LIFETIME...that I have been in this fucking situation!...I mean really? Talk about being SLOW LEARNER...MAN! UGH...I am a very private, reserved, type of person...so when stuff is going bad...I internalize all of it and put on a mask of everything is okay...I do that for years...and then I go an focus on other things that I think I can control to forget about the things that I can't control...then the other things get to a point where I can't control them anymore...and I check out and I isolate myself...and I get overwhelmed and then I basically just explode and DIE!
I'm screwed...screwed up...and just plain FUCKED UP. Can I have a drink now? Please!
There!...I said it...I admitted it...NOW WHAT THE FUCK DO
Your son most likely will be able to get a Peale Grant and can go to a local college plus work some and maybe get student loan. All my children went to college and they had to pay for it, it was not something I could afford. They did get some scholarships and that helped too. Plus if the ACT score is high that helps them with scholarships. Where there is a will there is a way.
Take your time and see the positives in this.
I see my ex as a man who gave up the best woman he will ever had met. He ended up with a woman half his age who got pregnant, what better way to get a man to marry you. He is in rehab again and he may or may not stay clean. I do know in his 43 yrs he hasn't been clean since he was 16. He had times of almost a year but always went back. So even with his new wife can't say he will remain clean. I do know I didn't deserve what he did and he will have to live with the guilt of that. To save myself I made the choice to have no contact. It gets easier as time goes by....you just have to make it through the rough patches, but one day you will say I am glad not to have all that drama in my life anymore.
Many people want what they can't have, only to get it back and say why did I want this person back. They are then wishing that person would go. Its a type a patterning some of us do especially if this was a pattern in your marriage it makes it harder to let go. Its taken me a couple of years and still at time I grieve, but I know I am much better off.
God made everybody as perfect as we can be, and she loves us all just the way we are.
This sounds like the begining of a journey to like yourself, accept that perfectionism is not the answer, and becoming less judgemental.
IT also sounds like you may need to deal with how you are handling your stress. My daughter has a rule at her house that if you need a drink, you can't have one.
meanwhile, on a practical sense...turn up some favorite music and dance and do a 10 minute cleanup in one room. ...or sit with a cup of tea and do one pile of papers....tackle one small thing. get the momentum going. Get the kids to help.- at least in their own rooms.
it is not how many times you fall down, it is how many times you get up and dust your arse off and get moving again.