Sun.7/29 - SO?!...well I only have two days left in this month and then 14 days till that fateful day in August when I begin another year of ME ....and there is absolutely no way I can get my life in order in 16 days...but I guess I can try. I guess I got to try to take it one day at a time. Yesterday I posted that my life is a mess...and it is...but you know what I found out...it just keeps going...apparently life/time doesn't stop for no one and no reason...I've been in this emotional death for almost 4 months...and those days have just kept right on rolling along...I'm just wasting them...day in and day out I do nothing...You know what I do...I sit around and dream...I dream about how I want to do this and I want to do that but I don't do anything...I make plans, I figure out how to put them into action with my very limited resources...and then I just go on to make other plans...I don't carry anyhthing out! Why ? Why do I do this crap? UGH...like this...here I am sitting at my computer at 1:20 in the morning writing this crap and wondering why I just wasted another day in my life...well I didn't waste my whole day...but I didn't do everything that Ishould have done either...I was up until 2am planning and writing out my Sunday...Church in the morning, Lunch, then some much studying, then some downtime...what did I do?...Well, I went to Church, that was good...but then I came home, wasted time on Facebook, watched a stupid movie, and then I went to sleep! went to sleep until about 7o'clock in the evening! SHIT! my alarm is set for 8pm to remind me to go to bed for the night! what am I doing taking a nap until an hour before I am supposed to go to bed...now...well now here I am at 1:20 in the morning trying to figure out why my life is such a fucking mess...I am so pissed... pissed at myself...for just wasting away my life by my own choice...DAMN! I need to make a plan and put it into motion! Why? Why can't I do that...it's not that hard!...I just need to do it...ok lets see: my house is a mess, my health is a mess, my finances are a mess, my career is a mess, and my family is a mess....FUCK IT: my LIFE IS A MESS!!!...So I guess I'll start there: MY HOUSE-is only a three room house, the smallest thing available yet it a complete mess and looks like a bomb exploded in here...so I guess I'll start there...I need to clean/organize my house...that doesn't take no money...just a little no a lot of elbow grease and hard work...so I am going to try to do that tomorrow...later today, when I get up...and I am going to get up at a decent hour!...my son has to be up at 7:15 so I better be up by seven...then maybe I can just clean the kitchen...then the bathroom, and then I just have to worry about the front room...where everything else is...OK...thats it...I'm going to write this out on my weekly planner and get this crap done...starting with cleaning my house!!! UGH...I better go to bed so I can get up and clean this house...good night DS. ...oh sorry but before I want to remind myself that I also need to complete that goal down there "cmplt 3 tasks today" whatever they are...I need to complete that goal so I can move on to other things...I also need to update the other goal: to Be a Happy Person...and I also need to prepare for my Step Study Meeting tomorrow night...one of the few things I look forward too!. OK for real now, I'm going to bed.