Families & Friends Of Addicts Support Group
Addiction affects more than just the individual. This community is dedicated to the families and friends of individuals suffering from any form of addiction. Mental health professionals are increasingly considering alcoholism and addiction as diseases that flourish in and are enabled by family systems. Family members react to the addicted person with particular behavioral...
Today marks the day I found out that my sister was a "possible" victim of a fire in the tent she occupied beneath a freeway. It took more than 6 months to identify her because they had to totally rely on DNA to identify her. Although me, my sister and brother all provided our DNA within less than a week of finding out, her two D's - one who was incarcerated in WA that had no idea and the other who was high on herion and was afraid they might bust her for it if is she provided DNA - she was 19. They were holding out for the daughters because that's a more difinitive match. Of course when you're using, you find all kinds of excuses for not going in. As if that wsan't bad enough, once the daughter did go in and they did positively ID her as my sister, only my niece (my sister's daughter) could release her to be cremated or buried. She could sign a waiver saying she did not want to accept the responsibility, but she held out for almost 3 more months. It got down to the final 2 days that she had to arrange and then the responsibility would shift to me. She signed on the day of to my brother.
Throughout the remainder of the year I stayed in contact with both my sister's daughter's. And I bought food, personal items & clothes for the youngest only to find out she sold it all for herion. The 2nd daughter got released but then re-arrested again (ID theft - my sister that passes was also convicted of it) for using drugs or alcohol. Doesn't matter which one it was - it was a violation of her parole. She has an 11 year old son that she messed up majorily.
She's out again - and of course wanting my help financially. Her situation is not ideal but she doesn't see it that way. Most addicts don't.
I don't want to see either of them go down the road my sister (their mom) did. But I fear it's a pattern that neither can shake themselves from. Ironic that both the fathers of these girls ended up raising them yet their mom still had an impact on them as far as addictions.
I honestly can take anymore of this. Yet I feel guilty giving up on them. Any advice or direction would be greatly appreciated.
Throughout the remainder of the year I stayed in contact with both my sister's daughter's. And I bought food, personal items & clothes for the youngest only to find out she sold it all for herion. The 2nd daughter got released but then re-arrested again (ID theft - my sister that passes was also convicted of it) for using drugs or alcohol. Doesn't matter which one it was - it was a violation of her parole. She has an 11 year old son that she messed up majorily.
She's out again - and of course wanting my help financially. Her situation is not ideal but she doesn't see it that way. Most addicts don't.
I don't want to see either of them go down the road my sister (their mom) did. But I fear it's a pattern that neither can shake themselves from. Ironic that both the fathers of these girls ended up raising them yet their mom still had an impact on them as far as addictions.
I honestly can take anymore of this. Yet I feel guilty giving up on them. Any advice or direction would be greatly appreciated.
Don't enable, and do whatever you feel is best for you. They have to find their own way on this horrible insane path.
My relationship with my son's father ended because of drug use. My son was just an infant at the time. He was such a delightful child with so many talents. His dad was largely absent in his life, and I never would have expected that he would follow the same path, yet eventually he did. I wonder if there is some genetic predisposition. Perhaps in some way they identify with the absent parent. Whatever the reason, it is a tragedy for all of us.
You obviously have a kind heart. It's sad that the things we do to try to help just enable them. You need to take care of yourself first and not let your nieces' tragic choices devastate your life. All you can do is hold them in your heart with love. Best wishes!
I will continue to hold each niece in my heart. Offering up prayers for strength & support to you both as you travel this road ahead.
My husbands sister was a heroin addict she had to go through a program to get clean (like 5 times screwing up before complete sobriety) and now she is an avid runner. She works in Yosemite and runs like 20 miles through the trails. So she focused that energy on running not drugs. Maybe if your sisters kids could get into a program and refocus that energy?