I would not pay the phone bill. I would remove her from the insurance and wherever she is, being arrested would be the best thing for her. I finally got sick and tired of trying to "fix" my kids problems (27 and 22) and I have backed way off. I rarely hear from my daughter and when I do, she needs something. And I was amazed at how much better I feel. And it is not as hard as I thought. I have enough dealing with MY life.

I watch a really good show over the weekend about drug addiction and families. The people who do quit are the ones who's family never gave up on them. The judge, psychologist all said the same thing. One dad's son said he needed to go somewhere so dad said okay lets go, adult son drove to drug dealers house. His son said I have to go in and his dad said okay lets go. The son decided that he better not go in so they left. The son did get drugs later that day but he says because his dad never stopped he didn't give up on him is the reason he was able to quit meth.
Your daughter is on drugs again I would not turn off phone and would pay car insurance at least for a little longer and see if she does get back on track. If she doesn't in a month then I would not pay car insurance. As for phone I know for me I, depending on her age consider leaving it on just incase. Also if you pay for the car i would take that back. For me paying the cell phone for another month would give me peace of mind. But I can't remember how old your daughter is. There comes a age where they have to be responsible.
Be tough but loving, she really is lost but many addicts do this. They quit and go back to using several times before they quit for good.

What was the show? I'd really like to see it. You can sometimes see shows again on the internet. My therapist has told me to back off of my kids who are, as I said, adults. So, I'd like to see what you watched...cause I struggle with this issue and am open to new ideas.

Your daughter and my son sound very much the same. My son has definetly relapsed and has been avoiding all contact for about a week and a half. He stopped going to his outpatient therapy because he was afriad of being called out for using. He, too, goes into panic mode when confronted, won't ask for help, but also plays the "poor me" card all the time.

He was doing well last month and we agreed to get him a new IPhone for Christmas. His old phone was the cheapest one I could find because he kept losing his old ones. He held on to this cheap thing for almost two years and it was falling apart. His therapist suggested getting a SmartPhone because he is so dis-organized with his ADD that he could use the phone features to keep track of his appointments and other obligations. We did it. Now I heard through the grapevine that he may have lost it. I tell you this story because as hard as it is to watch them go down, it's even harder when you lose contact. Keep the phone working for your own benefit and send her messages letting her know that you love her and will be there for her if she wants help getting clean.

I'd also pay the insurance on the car, but if there's any way to stop her from driving, then do that. I don't think that's enabling because she really doesn't care one way or another if she's insured and having insurance does not make it more likely that she'll use drugs. The purpose of the insurance is to protect anyone that she may hit. You want to be able to sleep at night if she gets in an accident and hurts someone. (If you have any control over the policy, then you should just get liability. If she loses the car from an accident, then she should not get it replaced.) If she's not 18, then you would also be protecting yourself from getting sued.

Is the car in your name? If it is, I would try to get it away from her. We allowed our son the use of our car and it definitely enabled him to continue. We didn't provide him with a phone. If we had, I probably would have continued paying for it, and I think it would have been the wrong thing to do. You can detach from your child's problems, but not from them. Her problems should be her problems. I guess I had it easier. My son got in so much trouble that he ended up spending 9 months locked up. However, he's been clean now for 15 months, has a good job, and is active in the program he's in. I forgot how old your daughter is. I do think it may have been easier also, because my son is an adult, and I had his younger brother to think about.

Everyone has to handle the situation the way they can. For some they call it a hand-up, for others a handout. That's how it is with addicts. One parents actions to another seem like enabling, to another it is a sign of support.
Whatever you decide, let it be your decision - and live without regret.
hugs!!!