Families & Friends Of Addicts Support Group

Addiction affects more than just the individual. This community is dedicated to the families and friends of individuals suffering from any form of addiction. Mental health professionals are increasingly considering alcoholism and addiction as diseases that flourish in and are enabled by family systems. Family members react to the addicted person with particular behavioral...

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cardinal39 01/21/2013

Well I assumed things were going well, right until,, Friday,,, my younger girls got a phone call from their sister asking to borrow their id,,?,, of course they would come and tell me,,, they said she sounded weird, she had that dope voice , and both girl's said that they each got a different story has to why she needed them,, mind addict is 23, her sisters are 16&17,,, well I then called her,,, remaining calm, realize no point in yelling,,, told her what in the world she would even ask her sister for this request, after many attempts, being patient,,, she said she wanted to go visit her boyfriend in jail,,, really now mind you on Christmas day this man, apologized for everything and wanted to change and would do anything for us to forgive him( he introduced k to herion) blah,, he was 1 year clean and together they are working a program of recovery,, she is 95 days not using herion ( but doing the methadone,,, which I struggle with this),, blah,,, so being who I am, did research,, not hard to find someone in jail,,, he got 30 days broke probation with 25 grams or less of controlled substance,,, UHm,,, anyways she must have a warrant out or pending because she could not use her own id,,,, now mind you all,,, I have a brother in homeland security and one that is a police officer,, do you not think I could not find out,,, waiting .,, anyways I again approached her on this,,, I asked if she was using,,, she told me how offended she was that I could even ask,,, and that it was none of my bussiness,,, well ok then,, I simply replied I love you,,, and insanity is continuously doing the sane thing over and over and expecting different results,,, well of course she had not resounded, so has of right now,,, not sure where she is,,, she never did invite me over ,, so again the candle of hope is lite, im a little anxious at moments because I wait for the phone call,, but I'm actually very peaceful ,,,,, knowing that i'v done whatever I could,,, and when she calls and says I've had enough,, I want help,,, I will make that happen ,,, in the mean time ,,,, it's not about the storm,, it's the ability to dance in the rain!!,,, and of course my awsome support group!!
Right now it's not day to day,,, but at the Moment hour by hour,,,

I'm Preparing for the worse,, but the hope still shines,,

Live like its the last
Laugh until your belly hurts
Love like its the first time

Love you all

patnard 01/21/2013

I'm sorry for you and your daughter, You give me such hope though, I want to be as strong as you are and feel at peace knowing I have done all I can. How long do I have to wait?

cardinal39 01/21/2013

Pat,, I just spoke at a meeting,,, and the answer to your question has long as their is life,,, that's as long as you wait,,, I'm peaceful because if those boundaries i'v set,,, and I will stand at the finish line either way,,,

Insanity is continuously doing the sane thing over and over and expecting different results ,,,, or a visual affect ,,, think about walking on a treadmill,,, it's great for the moment,, but you end up in the same spot,,,

In strong,, because of my faith,, and believing in myself,,, I may not like what tomorrow brings,., but will accept whatever the plan maybe
You be strong girl,,, setting boundaries is not always easy,, but sanity will be amended ,,, good luck!!

deleted_user 01/21/2013

Sorry to hear about your daughter's situation. I know what it's like when you think things are going better and then it all goes to hell again. My 26 y.o. daug. is also addict and we have been on this rollercoaster for a while. It's great to hear that you are not letting it take your serenity. They say that the good times don't last but neither do the bad. Let go & let God. Praying for you & your family.

deehigs 01/22/2013

Kim I don't even know what to say . Am i surprised ? No unfortunately they seem to get a few months clean and then Bam. Am i disappointed for you? Yes I know you are a very strong person who has unbelievable faith but I also know you are a mom and how sad it truly is when they are doing well and then it happens. Like you said all you can do is pray and keep hope alive . I am sorry to hear this news and as always will keep you all in my prayers. love ya sister Dee

cardinal39 01/22/2013

Thanks
Dee,, it's so frustrating,,, you think they get to a point,, where, wow,, this might just be it,,, then you start letting that guard down,, where they are not on your mind every single sec,,, then they do something stupid,, which to he honest I'm not even sure what it is,,, but I feel it's something,,, does that make sense,,,,
If only for 5 mins if the addict could step out, and step into my shoes,, boy I bet things would change,,,

So once again I'm back to taking it hour by hour ,, my sponser told me to stop calling her,, because all its doing us upsetting me, that she does not answer,, like she said if something bad happen i would not get thd info from k phone,,,,

Gather around me my friends,,, need your hands for support

jainlor 01/22/2013

i am so sorry that it seems you are going through this again.....you are strong even when you feel like you're not...you encourage all of us here...;i will try to encourage back. you didn't cause this, you can't control it and you can't fix it. i pray God gives you strength again, one day at a time. i will keep you and your daughter in my prayers. God grant me the serenity to accept the things i cannot change.... love you and hurting along with you in these latest develpments. hugsxoxo

cardinal39 01/22/2013

Thanks jainlor,, I think today alone I've repeated the serenity prayer 100x,,, my addicts greatest gift she has given me is Ava, which I have custody of, so she keeps me smiling,,, I fortunate not only for this site , which is my life line,, I do have a great support network surrounding me,,, right now I'm helping another mom, go through the early stages of this addiction, therefore it's keeping me grounded by offsetting her encouragement,,

It's not about the storm, but the ability to dance in the rain!

May your arms embrace me with support
Thank you

marg6300 01/22/2013

You are always here for all of us and now its our turn to be there for you.Take it one hour at a time and take a deep breath. I am sending you hugs and prayers and love and my strength... You are doing all the right things and somehow this will work out. Keep all your kids close, they are a true blessing when we are going through this stress...
Love ya and this site would not be the same without you!

Marg

cardinal39 01/22/2013

Ahh marge,, you brought tears to my eyes ,,, oh I'm taking it hour by hour,, I have do much access Adeline flowing that my husband is going to be shocked when he comes home ,,, Sparkling clean !!!!!

Thanks for being here,,, it's not by mistake your guys are in my life,,, it's reasons!!,,,

LoriFla 01/22/2013

I'm sorry you're going through this with your daughter, I have a daughter who is on the methadone also, found out she is buying pills off the street as well. She lost custody of all 3 children, breaks my heart...I haven't seen them in 4 yrs now. My only other child I lost 6 yrs ago to drugs. I have found peace because of my faith, and I know your faith is strong! Hold onto that, and keep hoping that she will get the help she needs.I have said the Serenity Prayer some days every 10 minutes. I pray you are comforted with peace, knowing you have done everything you can possibly do. Hugs...

kimpalmer 01/22/2013

Sweet Kim... Man this stinks, and I am sorry to hear about K... Sending my prayers and boundless love... You are still, even during tough times a rock... And for that reason, you inspire us all!
Love ya, the other Kim

jms7229 01/23/2013

Oh dear, it is so hard isn't it? I keep us all in my prayers always. You are an inspiration to me. I love that you stand in faith and love and loyalty to your loved one. What ever it is we are supposed to be learning in this life we are certainly learning how strong we can be.
Sending hugs.

beantown 01/23/2013

It is so easy to get back on that emotional roller coaster and lose all footing. I had a taste of it this past weekend and it was my 23 year-old daughter who helped calm me down. She reminded me that her brother (26, heroin addict in recovery right now) is the master and commander of his actions, that nothing anyone could say or do would have any effect on his decision to use or not to use. She said: "Mom, stop driving yourself crazy. Your worrying is not gonna make any difference in what he does or doesn't do. All it's gonna do is keep you from enjoying doing things because you'll upset yourself so much." So I stopped worrying for the moment (for nothing, as it turned out this time) and worked hard at not letting the negative feelings surface. But I dread the day when I find out he may be using again. I would hope I'll be able to handle it more sanely than in the past but..who knows? How do we really know how we'll react in face of the most devastating situation most of all will ever experience? I'm encouraged by your reaction. I think maybe when we really accept that we've done all we humanly can, a certain resignation akin to peace takes us over. Good luck to you and may God continue to grant you serenity, courage and wisdom.

cardinal39 01/23/2013

Bean ,,, what's funny has I read your comment,,, I reflect on how I feel at the moment,,,I've walked through hoops, bendt over backwards, i'v walked on egg shells , shoot probably on hot coals for her,,, and then I start thinkng when or if she would do this for me?,,,, and really probably not get the answer I want ,, but that's ok,, and one day when she comes back,,, I will be standing proud,, why,,, because the child I raised, taught values,,, gave unconditional love,,, will return,,,,until then I step a side,,, and wait,,, my only regret not sticking to my boundaries earlier,,, this way we would that much closer to the finish line,,,

cardinal39 01/23/2013

Lori,,, I pray for you and your addict,, that one day you come to a peaceful state

Palmer and jms,,, inspiration comes from giving back to you guys,,, I'm has strong has I am,,, from feeding off you guys ,,, when I believe, I stand strong,, and respect who I am ,,, took me a while to get here,,,

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