I remember I just wanted it to be over.
You are probably just having a natural response to the stress to save your mind, heart and spirit.
you need to rest and take care of you.
Now.
So, get yourself a treat, or a cup of tea, or a bubble bath, or take a nice drive in the car...do something just for you.
Peace

it is probably a bit of ptsd. what you are going through is so stressful. take care of yourself. keep coming here. go see a counsellor if you can. hugs and keep praying!

Take care of yourself. Sometimes you are kept mentally "off balance" by a significant other/husband/partner, on purpose I feel. If possible take the time to honestly evaluate your situation and do what you feel is the right thing for you and yours at this time. Hugs and prayers to you.

Praying for you, I know the feeling of waking up praying.

Thank you very one. I will take time for myself. Its nice to have ppl to talk to.

Oh do I know this one well. It is a PTSD effect. Our addicts retrain us, as if we were in boot camp for the military, we go without sleep, we go without eating, we are broken down to nothing and have to build ourselves back up. We build that wall for defense. We mistrust everyone and everything, we feel for nothing around us as if our child or someone we love can do this, so can anyone else. So we draw back our feeling ability. It is not unusual for these feelings, we are trying to protect ourselves as if we are at battle, but we are, we are at battle with the devil itself, addiction.

How do we get around this? Honesty, truthfulness to ourselves. We are not responsible for their decisions. We did NOT want them to be addicts, but they are. We help to a certain point. But at some point we have to stop enabling and detach, still love the person, but give them no room to use us for their own gain in addiction.

Don't lose faith, give your addict(s) to God, know you did what you could and you love them still, but allow God to follow their journey.

Do something nice EVERY day for YOU. You now need to take care of YOURSELF and realize that it is not selfish, it is survival.

My mind would be full of suspicion and worry. I had to cleanse my mind, I called it my 'dark place'. When I felt my mind going there, I would put on music and sing at the top of my lungs, or I would put on a movie to take me out of my life for the moment.

Sadly, you are feeling the adverse effects our addicts place upon us.

Start by waking up and thinking of three things to give thanks for. As those dark thoughts come in, quickly think of three more things to give thanks for. Keep doing this to retrain your mind.

I wish you peace....take a bubble bath, do your toes, pick up a feel good book and put your head into it....

You're not alone....Daily do something for you, let God take care of the crazy in your life. *Hugs*